Pay bar

We're having a pay bar too. I'm providing arrival drinks, wine and beer for the tables and champagne for the toast during our wedding breakfast but the bar will be open for guests to buy their own drinks if they want anything else and for the evening guests too.

As a guest I would fully expect to pay for drinks. I think I've only ever attended a wedding once where the bar was free but on the whole I think guests would expect to pay for their drinks and have not even mentioned it on the invites.

Just my opinion but hope it helps.

Shelly x

I have no problem with pay bars. To me a free bar is a bonus. Do what fits with your budget and don't worry about it. These are your family and friends and if they are prepared to travel it's out of love for you so I'm sure they won't want or expect you to skins yourselves for donkey's years to provide them with booze.

We would all like to provide our guests with great food and free drinks if we could but for a lot that's just not possible. If you want to make sure people know then maybe a note under the menu if you are advising people of that in advance?

No need to write it on your invites... I have never expected free drinks at a wedding! Please dont worry about it, if anyone does get upset about it (which they won't) then ignore them, it's not about free drinks, it's about being with you on a special day! Everything costs enough already. Most of our guests are travelling 500 miles (some 8000 miles) but they aren't getting free drinks either

I've actually never been to a free bar wedding so I would totally have to expect to pay for my drinks! Most weddings I have been to offer a drink on arrival of like bucks fizz or something and then generally 1 bottle of red and 1 bottle of white on the table with the meal!

I don't think its stingy AT ALL to have a pay bar! I think with a free bar people would abuse and you'd end up with lots of very drunk people by the end of the evening..

I would never expect a free bar at a wedding! Especially now that I know how much the rest of the wedding costs!!

We are providing day guests with reception drinks, wine during the meal and toasting drinks, we may also pay for an arrival drink for our evening guests (but that's if budget allows!)

I would maybe mention on the invites that it's a cash only bar if your venue doesn't have a card machine or cash machine on site. Our venue is in the middle of nowhere so our guests won't be able to pop out and draw out any cash if they forget. I hardly ever carry cash on me and would rely on my card so a warning would be helpful to me!!

It wouldn't necessarily stop me from going, but I think it is stingy.

I had an open bar at my wedding because I didn't want my guests to worry about anything except having fun. Nobody got untidy or went insane. It's been pretty standard at the weddings (US, UK, Aus) I've been to, and sometimes it's a limited menu e.g. certain beers, cocktails and wines plus soft drink, etc.

I disagree with Ash and you can't make Daffodil feel bad or call her stingy!

I have been to probably 25-30 weddings in the last 2-3 years and not a single one had a free bar. So you can't say it's common nowdays! The cost of weddings is so high already, to put a free bar on would be ridiculous.

Daffodil, do not feel bad for only doing what you can afford. If someone is upset because they have to buy themselves a drink then are they really a friend? You are paying for a meal for them, and all the other bits, so no... do not feel bad!

Yes, I do wince at the price of some venue bars, but then you just get on with it and enjoy the day anyway as you can't do anything about it.

Thanks for all the replies! It makes me feel a bit better! One good thing for sure is that the pay bar at my venue is very reasonable prices

it does give me a sad that at least one person might think it is stingy especially when it would only happen because we cannot afford an evening's drinks for 70 people... We just can't

Hopefully any guests who would be shocked at buying their own drinks will appreciate that we are rather skint instead of just being tight??

I dont know know if the bar accepts cards, I can't remember, but thanks for the tip to mention on the invitation if people are not used to carrying cash

I do keep forgetting that I am feeding them all!

I think it's perfectly reasonable. We're providing arrival drinks, wine and prosecco but after that it's pay at the bar! I've been to one wedding with an "open bar" where they did it themselves and provided wine and beer only. It was nice but I don't mind paying especially if it means I have more to choose from than red, white or beer!

It's good the bar is reasonably priced, I went to a wedding at a chic hotel in Liverpool and the bar prices were astronomical (£6.50 for a "skooner" which isn't even a pint!), you can imagine that was a bit of a downer!

Also, to call someone stingy for living within their means is seriously rude so don't worry about it!

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar. I certainly wouldn't expect it and don't think many people would. I've been to one wedding where no drinks at all were provided and no-one seemed to mind.

Woah, sorry but in no blimmin way is it stingy! You attend a wedding to watch a couple you know and love celebrating what's meant to be the best day of their life, not to get wasted at a free bar!

I personally have never been to....well any event that has a free bar! There will be a bar but not a free one the only things i'm providing, in the way of refreshments, is food and a welcome drink. I'm not made of money and I doubt the majority of other couple on this site are are either!

People are attending to see you at the end of the day, if their only coming for the free bar then they shouldn't be coming at all!

Oh, and no, I don't think you need to put it on the invite

Definately not stingy!

I think checking with the venue regarding card machine is really good advice.

It's not stingy at all, I've only been to a few as an adult and all alcohol (bar the usual, welcome, toast and 1/2 bottle of wine) all was paid by the guest. Only example was one couple put £200 quid as a gesture, and another where all soft drinks were free. We may do the £200, but depends on the finances 2 weeks before if we do this or not. All my friends have assumed it's a cash bar, so not that common,

Oh Daffodil in no way is this stingy, I would always expect to pay for drinks from a bar at a wedding, I've only ever been to 1 one wedding with a free bar & that was a Turkish wedding where it is apparently the done thing! Don't even give it another thought, I don't think I'd ever even consider a free bar!

Im worried about the price of drinks at my venue as its a city centre hotel, and the drinks are overpriced but we wanted that venue and that's that. We were always going to get married in Manchester so drink prices are higher than either of our families are used to but we are providing them with arrival drinks, wine & beer for the meal and a toast drink - then after that it's up to them!

I have never been to an open bar wedding and I am not having one either.

To be honest I don't think many people expect an open bar now as weddings can be so expensive I am providing a welcome drink like Buck's Fizz, wine with food and a toast.

Your feeding them too.

I think most people would be happy that you have invited them to share your special day and not whether u have a free bar or not.

I really don't think it's a problem at all daffodil! And absolutely not stingy!

I've never been to a wedding with a free bar, and would be surprised to attend a wedding with a free bar, incompletely expect to pay for my drinks.

I'm providing a welcome drink, drinks during meal (2 bottles of wine on table, they get a drink with their meal in the food package) and a toast drink.

I have a huge family, been to lots of weddings with various budgets and not a single one has been a free bar - please don't feel bad!

Looks like a fairly unanimous answer haha! We are exactly the same and as I refuse to be paying for one night of drinks for 120 people for the next however many years, they'll be buying their own! It's difficult with us - none of my friends have had free bars but all of his have (many are in a fortunate position their parents can do this for them). We are definitely going to put a little note about how the card machine is over £x only or something to indicate 'bring some money!' As ours is also a bit remote and after the welcome drinks we provide and wine with dinner there won't be much chance for people to nip back for cash or their bank card!

Quite frankly if people are more bothered about having a few free drinks than they are about coming to the wedding I'd rather they rsvp'd no and we can ask someone who understands!

I agree with the majority; a cash bar is perfectly acceptable. I thought open bars were more of an American thing anyway.

I always take money for drinks to a wedding. If it was a free bar then that would be a bonus but I certainly wouldn't expect a free bar.

I think it is pretty standard nowadays to buy your own drinks. We are supplying two welcome drinks and canapes, a four course meal with half a bottle of wine per person, a toasting drink, evening food, cake and a sweetie buffet and popcorn bar. I think that is more than enough. I would rather put the money spent on a free bar towards our honeymoon.

I have been to only two weddings with free bars. One was paid for by the bride's parents and the other was abroad and therefore probably cheaper than doing it in the UK. The choices were very limited and only wine and beer was served during the meal and no other drinks allowed. Whilst it was a lovely gesture, I would have been happy to buy my own drinks for a bigger choice

I've never even heard of a free bar!

The only wedding I've been to where the drinks were free it was because I'd stashed some bottles in my room and used them to fill up the bottle we'd had with dinner... Not that I'm stingy or anything!

I have to disagree with Ash as well. Definitely not stingy!

i have been to plenty of weddings and only one had a free bar. It was a friends wedding in Malta and she was fortunate enough to be able to do that but in no way was it expected.

As a guest you go to a wedding to see 2 people get married. The bonus is that you are fed and entertained so buying your own drinks is the least you can do.

We are providing arrival drinks and canapés after the ceremony, a 4 course meal with wine and juice on the tables, prosecco toast, an evening buffet and sweet cart so how we are stingy for not having a free bar I don't know!

Plus I know our guests would prefer us to use the money towards something more useful rather than them getting drunk for the night!

Thanks everyone I am well and truly reassured and feel much better about it now!

Im wondering if Ash has REALLY rich friends?

because it is most certainly NOT common for the majority of average people from looking at this thread and I can say for myself that ive never seen one in real life and only ever heard of them on TV shows about extravigant weddings

I most definatly wont have one weather we could afford it or not, its just so increadibly rude to expected someone else to pay for your buzz. I have never been to a single event where this has happened (including inclusive business trips where expenses are covered as its an 'optional' extra not a nessecity, award shows and VIP experiances) its such a bizzare thing that anyone would ever expect it.

arrival and/or toast drinks are common plus you should have at least jugs of water if not juice for non-drinkers but nothing else sould ever be expected however half the weddings I have attended (mostly small budget ones for close friends or family) didnt have any drinks package at all as people respected that the budgets where already streached

I don't think it's stingy but I also think an expensive bar can put a dampener on a wedding for a guest. We had 8 weddings this year (not including our own) and with varying different prices, the worst being £8 for a g&t and £5 per beer the best being £3 per drink.

We didn't have a paying bar because we were completely DIY and so provided it soft drinks, wine, cider and ale ourselves and said to people if they wanted something particular else then they were more then welcome to bring it themselves (which they did). Our guests appreciated it as it kept costs down for them but no way would I think this was expected this was our choice.

If your venue has a bar then I wouldn't expect free drinks, if you guys are doing a DIY bar yourselves (via family/friends) then I would expect to pay but less then usual bar prices, if your getting a company in then do your research on their prices.

All of this.

We aren't mentioning it on the invitations, but will probably put on the website whether or not there is a card machine, so people know if they need to get cash ahead of time.

You're not stingy at all, don't worry

For us, the cost of drinks was a consideration in choosing our venue. We'll also be checking nearer the time with our venue about whether the bar takes card, any charges etc, and putting that information in our invitations.

We've been to one wedding which had an open bar (well, sort of - open bar for beer, no wine available ☹️, and bottle of spirits and mixers placed on the tables). That was a Sikh wedding, where I am informed that it is a big thing culturally. Interestingly, I also noticed that it also seemed to be the custom to give large amounts of cash to the bride and groom at every possible opportunity (the pre-wedding party, in the morning at the groom's house, at the temple, during the first dance, and at apparently random points during the dancing), whereas the etiquette of asking for cash instead of presents is still a grey area in the UK. At the groom's house alone we saw people giving £50 or more, then the same people were dropping notes around like they were confetti at the reception. From talking to family at the wedding (who were very open about it) and observing the amounts being given at the groom's house and reception, they probably made £15k+, and the drinks on the table were supplied at a discount from a friend who ran an off-licence, with unopened bottles being refunded and taken back for him to sell in his shop.

It is strange isn't it how we in the UK are so against cash for weddings and find it quite embarrassing, and other cultures aren't against it at all. My partner is Jewish and they have no problem with cash gifts. I did ask if that's the one where they all pin money on the brides dress only to be informed no that's more Greek orthadox. Turned out he didn't fancy converting lol. Free bars are also quite common. Maybe it's paid for from all the cash gifts?

It's crazy how some people expect you to pay for every single little thing for your guests- I just don't understand it.

We are definitely not in the position to offer a free bar, and actually really struggled with the thought of providing a welcome/toast drink for guests, as we had reach our budget with the food. Our venue was £5 per glass of bubbly - which I am not paying for 50 people! - and so we though, 'well we love a mocktail, so let's ask them to make a mocktail and get it a little cheaper' - that ended up being £4.50 a glass, and it doesn't even have any alcohol in!

In the end we're only supply a toast drink of elderflower & soda water in nice glasses, which is 50p a glass. Not tight or stingy, just working within our means and not whittling away out money - which we want to use towards a deposit on a house after the wedding.

This thread has just reminded me to ask about card payments at the bar though- so thanks!

Hey Daffodil,

Don't for a second think you are being 'stingy' - you have to do your best with what you have and just the fact that if you did have more money, you would like to provide extra free drinks for your guests on top of everything else you are already providing and paying for, shows how lovely and sweet you are. xxx

As many others have said, the most important thing is your guests are coming to spend your special day with you both, NOT to get drunk for free. LOL (although sure for some that'd be an added bonus!!)

A suggestion, as you didn't mention the situation here - how does it work with the booze you are already providing with the arrival / meal? Are you buying it yourself and having servers serve it / leaving it on tables? Or do you have to use the venue's caterers, and buy their booze to serve at their prices, or are you using a catering company and have to buy their booze at their prices??

I mention this because my fiance surprised me and wanted to have our whole wedding, at really lovely venues, so I have had to up my game with everything LOL.

The reception venue we have, is quite expensive, and they insist we use their in house catering, which is also not cheap. They want £20 per bottle of red or white wine and £30 per bottle of champagne. However, they also had a £10 corkage cost if you bring your own, which the venue manager kindly reduced to £5 per bottle for us (given they have servers refilling glasses etc as well as serving the food) so LOL, no joke, we will be checking with our friend (who if he comes will absolutely spank the booze LOL) who runs a few bars in our town, to see if we can buy booze from him, and depending on what he says and cost, we will literally buy the booze from either him or choose some from Aldi or Lidl (whatevers cheapest LOL) and pay the £5 per bottle corkage - even Aldi Organic Prosecco is £8 per bottle - so that's already £13 per bottle instead of £30 per bottle. Which is quite a bit of money to save. Our venue manager is really decent actually and even he said other wedding parties have done similar, so we really appreciate this. We are buying the venues champers for the toasts though :-)

Additionally, we are planning to provide a whole bunch of prosecco, and red wine, so what doesn't get drunk at the arrival drinks, can hopefully go upstairs for the meal, and any left from there can hopefully then go to the reception for later. Can't have any half drunk open bottles lying around when there will be folks needing it LOL!!

Planning on putting some extra bottles behind the bar (quite a lot as we have nearly double the amount of folks coming for the evening than the daytime!) and letting folks know, it's a paid bar (venue has a £500 min so we have to put that but that won't last long with 160 guests!) but if they want to drink red wine or prosecco there should be lots of that and that'll be free til it runs out!

So maybe your venue could meet you halfway in some way like that? Clearly, they make money on the bar whether its from you paying or the guests paying, but if they'd allow you to bring some of your own bottles you could provide a few more drinks for folks at a much lower price? Just an idea xxxx wishing you the most wonderful day xxxx

And just to add I've generally found weddings to be like our venue, there is *some money behind the bar, then you pay once that's run out. I wouldn't have a problem at all if come the evening I had to pay if I wanted more to drink after it's been free all day! You are doing what you can and that's really lovely xx