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Dedicated June 2022 Bristol

Plus ones

Jane, 5 August, 2021 at 14:15 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi all
Just looking for some advice - we want a relatively small wedding and I already think our guest list is a bit long but there are family members we really can’t not invite… anyway, long story short, my future father in law has just met a new ladyfriend. He’s been asking other family members (but not us) about a plus one for the wedding (which is in June 2022). We didn’t ever know her name until we spoke to him earlier today.
We, a while ago, decided on a blanket no plus ones that aren’t married or long term/we’ve met and we’ve made this v clear but I don’t think the message is getting through… he might be father of the groom but tbh, he is only on the list because we have to invite him and now he’s giving us a hard time for not inviting someone he’s known a few weeks… (although he says it’s serious (yes, he’s behaving like a teenager)) Are we bad people for sticking to our guns and not inviting her?Thanks in advance

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Latest activity by Charlotte, 9 August, 2021 at 15:56

Beginner April 2023 Essex
Enya · 5 August, 2021 at 14:29
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No definitely not bad at all! I’m completely with you. It’s your day not his, if he’s not happy with it he can lump it. Do what you want it’s your day x x
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Savvy July 2021 Worcestershire
Sarahjp2021 · 5 August, 2021 at 14:52
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No I think its fine to say what you have said, we also had the same rule married or in a long term relationship for a plus one only. Just explain this to him 😊
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Dedicated September 2020 West Sussex
Sarah · 5 August, 2021 at 15:01
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Stick to your guns! It’s not unreasonable at all, don’t feel bad or guilty it’s your day to do as you choose and invite who you choose
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Dedicated September 2020 West Sussex
Sarah · 5 August, 2021 at 15:03
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Maybe if they are still together by the time the wedding come around and you know her better she can come to the evening? But only if you are happy with this, at the end of the day he may be father of the groom but he is still a guest and cannot demand a plus 1
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Dedicated June 2022 Bristol
Jane · 5 August, 2021 at 15:12
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Thanks ladies - I really feel like it’s day and our decision but when we spoke to him he was saying he wasn’t negotiating but also trying to suggest being father of the groom gave him extra status… he isn’t even helping financially (not that I necessarily ‘agree’ with people buying invites but it’s more tolerable than us having to fork out for some woman who might not even still be with him next year!). It really helps to hear that we’re in the right and not being mean in sticking to our guns! X
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Dedicated August 2022 Vale Of Glamorgan
Shannon · 6 August, 2021 at 19:16
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A suggestion is maybe if they are still together when you send the invites then maybe invite her (if you want to of course)
We are in the same boat with my future brother-in-law. He was with a girl for a few months and got her pregnant, they ended up splitting up..then he got back with his ex (that he was with before this girl) they were together for a few months and he got her pregnant, his ex had her baby that he didnt see for the first couple months, then him and his girlfriend split up and now hes back in contact with his ex that had his first baby and they might be getting back together so we are waiting it out to decide whether we are inviting her or not. We have never met her either so if they are still together and going strong when the wedding invites go out then we will invite her, if he is with someone else by that time then he is coming on his own with no plus 1 x
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Dedicated June 2022 Bristol
Jane · 8 August, 2021 at 15:12
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Wow, sounds even more complicated than our dilemma! Hope yours works out ok! We’re meeting the future father in law’s new gfriend next week so will see how it goes but, with his track record, not sure she’ll still be around next year! x
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VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 9 August, 2021 at 15:56
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We have a similar situation in that 4 of our single friends have all recently met people including my MOH! I found it a bit cheeky to be fair when one assumed their new BF of 4 weeks would be invited or could take the place of their daughter, who we actually know and want at the wedding! I have made it clear the wedding is 8 months away and if they are still with these people in 6 months we will review, but we are at our limit in terms of our budget so if they are to be added and I re work the seating plan I will expect them to cover the cost of the meal for their new partner. I know that sounds harsh but I have already had to cut some friends from our day list so don't see why I should then pay for people I don't know or may have met a couple of times as opposed to having my friends there! It is your day and you should not feel bad, the politics of Weddings are always stressful, mainly due to guest demands so please do what is right for you and your partner, true friends will understand
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