Potential hen do clashes

Well personally if I received your message I wouldn't have had a problem with it at all. You put valid reasons in there and all you are trying to do is make sure your parties don't clash! If you had messaged me and just said 'make sure your hen do doesn't clash with mine ' or 'change your date' then I would have been inclined to say sorry but it's first come, first serve!

Hopefully she understands this and the 'competitive relationship' you have with one another won't get in the way of her response. I don't think you've been a bridezilla at all

Thanks Beckcible!

She's responded saying "of course, what dates are BF's wedding and honeymoon" so I've given her the dates I'm limited to and said that I've asked BM to let me know what date she thinks it'll be ASAP. I guess competitve isn't the best way to describe our relationship (for want of a better word really!) - it's just a bit of an odd friendship I guess.... lol!

I'm just hoping that mutual friends can afford two hen do's in one month - you can tell I'm a control freak haha!

Definitely not being a bridezilla.
I think it's good you messaged her separately and was fair about why you wanted to know.

I know if I were you I would be concerned that friends can't make the 2 hens in one month.
Why is she having the hen in July when she gets married in December?! Surely september would have been better all round for her to have her hen

xx

I think it's a fair request Afterall her wedding is several months later so she has the luxury of time on her side. You on the other hand are not likely to want a post wedding hen do! I know I wouldn't anyway

That's good you are both arranging for different dates. My friend got married 10 months before our date and unfortunately our friendship was not so understanding shall we say! She's incredibly paranoid and even announced her wedding with 'Im getting married before you is that ok?! Before even saying hello! Because of how she was we couldn't do anything fun together like the national wedding show but it sounds to me like your all on the same page so enjoy planning and sharing experiences with each other as there is nothing nicer than all being excited together!

No I think it's perfectly reasonable that you would ask, particularly as you have mutual friends that would go to both. I would also be concerned about people finding the money for two hen dos plus your wedding in the space of a month. I don't understand why she has to have her abroad hen do in July...but I'm sure she has her own reasons.

Thanks for all your responses - nice to know that I'm not being unreasonable!

If I’m completely honest I did feel she was being a tad inconsiderate having her hen do in July – knowing it is so close to my wedding and likely to be when I’m having my hen do – especially when her wedding is in December!

I don’t think I’m alone in my school of thought though, as a few other people have since replied to the message saying they have other weddings and hen dos to attend in July so finances may be a problem and also a few others (who aren’t mutual friends) saying their weddings are in August so it’s likely their hen’s will be in July too, so in a totally selfish way I’m hoping she adjusts her plans a bit but by no means am I going to be the one to ask her do that as it’s not fair.

I just hope that if she does go ahead with it that mutual friends have enough money to come along on my hen too – I’ve asked my BM to make sure that the hen doesn’t cost people tons of money as I don’t think it’s fair to put people in that position. Also hoping she doesn’t do it on the weekend immediately before my wedding (which is on a Monday) – as if I was going to a 3 day hen do abroad the last thing I would want to be doing when I got home is going to a wedding the day immediately after we got back – I’d be a little worse for wear to say the least!

Weddings really do bring out a funny side in people – including me (I say whilst trying to “Shh” my inner bridezilla haha!)

But on a positive note – I now have a rough idea of when my hen is going to be – whoop!

Ok, what just happened? I'm sure there was another comment on here a minute ago! Anyway, I don't think it's selfish at all. Being as the hen is planned for Benidorm I'm sure the weather would be just as good in August/September and if I were her I would worry that people couldn't make it due to these other weddings as I would prioritise a friends wedding rather than their hen. Plus she's having TWO hens, so people are expected to fork out twice for her. That's what I call bridezilla!

I always thought your hen was supposed to be reasonably close to your wedding date anyway. This trip to Benidorm just sounds like a girls holiday!

I did get the other reply via email, i'm guessing whoever wrote it decided it was a bit harsh and decided to delete it.
I actually was going to respond on the back on her reply.

I think the december bride is being selfish by having it in July. She's aware of other weddings and hens taking place and she has up until Dec to have her hen. Yes, she can have it when she wants and may be going for good weather etc. But Sept would still be lovely weather and would be more apart from the other events she knows is taking place.

Surely people want as many people as possible to come on their hen and without it causing them any problems?
For example i would have loved a weekend away but don't want people spending a fortune because I'm getting married. (being a wedding guest is expensive!)
I'm therefore having a ladies night out locally which isn't too epensive and everyones coming.

I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all.

xx

I took my comment off as I read it back and it sounded a big fiery. As a December bride I completely understand her friend wanting it early, I was going to have mine early. Where is the rule book that states your hen has to be a few days or weeks before your wedding? Mine was two weeks ago and I get married in 6 weeks and it was a relief to most people to have it done early as December is a manic time for most people. I just don't see why she can't have her hen do in the same month. May- sept is always busy for weddings/hen dos but if I said a bride should have her hen do in May if she's married in July as I have multiple weddings to go to that month I would be shot down. If you get married in summer you have to deal with the fact other people are having hen dos etc. if you get married December you deal with the grumbles of Xmas being so close. She may want to feel included with everyone else celebrating at once? it feels like December is a mile away from July but it comes round quick so if she wants to do it then great. Everyone has 7 months to save what's the problem?

I’ve read your comment via email – I don’t think the points you made were unreasonable – albeit the comment about me rubbing off on her or other friends potentially a little harsh – but everyone is totally entitled to their opinion. I totally agree that there is no rule book that states the hen do has to be within a few weeks of your wedding but I guess my comment is more on being considerate – I’ve planned my hen do around my best friend’s wedding so that it doesn’t interfere with her hen or wedding or happen too close to them, I just thought it may be nice of her to have a little more consideration that’s all. As I’ve already touched upon in my previous comment – it would not be fair of me to say something to her – hence why I came for a moan on an anonymous source that she, and mutual friends wouldn’t see. I thought the mention of my inner bridezilla may have implied that I am being a little silly about it but maybe not.

Ultimately, I see where you’re coming from but just wanted to clarify that I would never ever say something to her to make her feel bad about having her hen in June – hence why I started the thread in the first place to double check that my message didn’t come off that way.

It's easy to make thoughts clear without saying them I have been on the receiving end which is why I said it but when I read it back I hadn't made that clear. People rarely think about dates etc when they book them. We had four weeks notice for a wedding when I have to give 6 to book time off for example. I genuinly believe without meeting her she just wants to join in the hype and possibly could be that she can't afford a summer wedding and probably sees it as a girly month or something. When we booked ours we got lots of rude comments about it being in December (as if it wasn't obvious we were after snow?!) she may be getting the same. If I had a load of friends getting married within two months of each other and all having their hens one after the other I would probably do the same as her as you do start to feel left out with a wedding end of the year. i don't know her but I think it's harsh other comments are calling her selfish without thinking there may be another view on it

I think that's a strange comment to make about feeling left out if your wedding is at the end of the year and a different time to your friends. I don't know why you want to have your hen at the same time to feel included with everyone else. Your wedding and hen is about you and I would have thought it would be nice to have it apart from everyone else so that the focus is on you rather than hoping from wedding to hen every weekend and not getting a chance to sit back and think about the individual events.
I had a crazy 2 months last year where i was at a wedding and hen every weekend. It was just too much for me.

Interesting how everyone see's these things differently though, isn't it

xx

I said that "I thought" as in "it is my opinion that" and to me, reasonably close would be within 8 weeks (although mine is two weeks before). Obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it seems that we are veering off topic and it might be becoming a bit personal.

Consideration is important and I'm glad you've managed to find a solution as each bride deserves their OWN special day.

I guess that's why I was maybe a little taken aback by your comment is that I actually called myself selfish rather than her, but I do see what you mean. With regards to making thoughts clear without saying them, all I did was ask her to let me know her dates so that our hens don’t clash as “I would be gutted if she couldn’t make it” – I was hoping that came across more as me trying to work around her rather than “You’re selfish for having your hen in July”. She actually did want a winter wedding (she’s having a 3 day wedding at a venue that doesn’t have different prices peak / off peak seasons, so summer or winter isn’t relevant when it comes to price) It’s as you’ve said – without knowing people involved it’s difficult to advise on situations sometimes – which is what makes this forum a good place for getting honest and unbiased opinions!

I’ve just spent a lot of time arranging things so that it’s not too inconsiderate to my guests and friends (apart from my wedding being on a Monday but that’s a whole other debate!). So as I said, I don’t think she’s been selfish – but wish she could have been a little bit more considerate that’s all.

That’s not nice people making comments about your wedding being in December - I don't see how it's an problem? To be honest until I got engaged I thought weddings were all year round (especially at Xmas!), I didn’t realise there was a peak season at all.

It sounds odd but it happens. We booked our two years ago and a friend of mine literally demanded an engagement and booked a wedding in a rush. She does have severe anxiety amongst a few other issues so she was the extreme! Before that I had no sympathy for people feeling jealous or anything about weddings but after experiencing it and being on the recieving end of it I have a lot more sympathy. I could be completely wrong as I don't know her and she could be completely selfish but I could also be right. It's frustrating having weddings close together but you can't chabge if so just make the most of it. If you question why she's having her hen when she is you won't enjoy it as much as if you accept it from the off. I didn't enjoy the build up to my friends wedding as I was stewing on how she told me but once I was there it was fine and I enjoyed it. I guess I'm trying to say don't sweat the small stuff just enjoy your hen and any others you attend and enjoy your day without letting other's effect yours

I think your text was spot on and I wouldn't have taken offence at all to it so I applaud you for sending it. Don't worry about your wedding being on a Monday either mines a Wednesday if it makes you feel better! People will always comment and dig and tut but I guess that's just human nature and I learnt that from hearing people's experiences on hitched! Apparently getting married in the snow is ludacris and I can't possibly wear a wedding dress - the amount of times I have argued this is ridiculous. There is still time for her to change her date and she may still do that if she thinks people may not be able to come etc. just get your info out early so people know what the plan for yours is and hopefully eveyone can attend everyone's. You won't know what to do september when the majority of the weddings are over!

Yeah I think everyone has an opinion on everything - you simply can't please everyone! I think a wedding in the snow sounds lush (and I look forward to seeing lots of flashes after!!) I know - think I'll feel lost in September!!