Pregnant bridesmaid :-/ advice needed!

I'm in a similar position as in my Chief Bridesmaid has told me she is trying for a baby and I'm getting married in 10 months, she fell pregnant the first try last time so there's potential for a new born at my day too!

With regards to dress im going down the maxi dress route, she might not even be pregnant or may have just had her baby but a maxi will do the job for either situations.

As for baby screaming during ceremony, will the babies Dad not take the child out if it starts crying? From weddings iv been to, myself with a little one, small children have always been taken out if they are noisy, the baby wont take up a seat at the reception and you won't have to pay for a meal for them so there will be no financial cost for you, and if your sister is breast feeding I'm sure your venue would provide a room where she can feed?

I know it seems like a 'biggie' now but I bet once you have met your niece or nephew you wouldn't not have them at the wedding!

How about an empire line maxi style dress? Would have more leeway in terms of post-baby figure

A 4 week old will spend most of its time asleep; mine was 5 weeks old when we went to a wedding and she slept through the whole ceremony and the reception meal - including a bagpipe procession that stopped and played by her - twice!

It's more a thing that she may be too knackered to do it at all; especially if the baby is overdue as a lot of them can be

Take her shopping for her dress at around 5 months pregnant, on average (unless she's one of these actress types that lose the weight instantly) then that's around the size she'll be 6 weeks after giving birth.

Personally I couldn't ask a new mother to leave their baby at home, especially not my own niece or nephew, but that's something for you and OH to decide. Just be prepared that it may cause some upset and potentially your sister may decide not to attend.

I agree about choosing a floaty style dress. Most dresses can be taken down 2 sizes without losing too much of the original look.

I think it would be a BIG mistake to ask your sister to leave her 4-6 week old newborn baby with someone else for your wedding day. Her partner can sit at the back of the room and take the baby out if it starts to cry. Babies at that age tend to be either feeding or sleeping. If she is breast feeding she needs to have her baby close to her through the day too.

I think it's a tad dramatic to say that the ceremony could be disturbed by crying babies. No parent is going to sit there and allow their child to scream the place down.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I can pretty much guarantee that you would get a bad reaction if you try to tell her she can't bring her baby. Your wedding day is the most important thing in the world to you right now, and mine was to me at the time. Now I am pregnant myself my wedding seems totally insignificant. And to be honest that's how it will be for your sister. All she will care about is her new baby, and to try to separate them for that day while the baby is still so tiny is IMO quite selfish and will definitely cause trouble.

*Disclaimer* I'm not being nasty, just honest!

I personally think it's mean to say her baby can't come. She's an important person, obviously - you've asked her to be your BM, and you're important to her because she said yes.

But it's easy for me to say because I don't think babies spoil weddings or cost a lot to have there.

Agree about going for a maxi dress style.

I have to say if I was BM for someone originally and found out I was pregnant and was told in this situation not to bring baby along i'd drop out. Your wedding is your priority and understandably so, but it's still a one day occasion and her newborn baby will be hers. Especially if theres no one to look after baby.

I'd without a doubt say thank you for asking me to be BM but I have to give it a miss under these circumstances.

Do think it will cause a lot of bother and I think it'd be the decent thing to do to allow her to bring her newborn along tbh.

Hope you & OH can come to some agreement that doesn't cause too much bother

Agree with everyone else really. Tiny babies, as this one will be, aren't really a problem at weddings etc - if they cry, they can be shushed or taken out quite easily, and they aren't going to run riot around the reception as a toddler might! It's the slightly older more mobile ones, who are not immediately quieted by a cuddle, that are more likely to be disruptive. I don't think I could ask someone to leave such a tiny baby at home.

As for whether she'll still want to be a BM - ASK HER! You can even leave it open and let her see how she feels once the baby is here; if she decides she can't do it then all you've lost is the price of a dress.

I wouldn't have even considered leaving a newborn, I don't know anyone that would. You say your OH feels strongly about it but you must feel strongly about having your sister there too? Being really honest, I'd have been highly offended if my sister had asked me to leave my newborn with someone else. Add pregnancy/post-birth hormones into the mix and you could have a disaster. Think carefully before you ask that of her. I can understand the worries of children being a nuisance but really a newborn will be no bother. Chances are they will sleep throughout the whole ceremony, if needs be her OH could sit at the back and make a swift exit if baby is restless.

I would have fit into a pre-pregancy dress 6 weeks post birth (wouldn't now mind! ?) but everyone is different. I'd speak to the dress shop about choosing a comfortable, floaty dress that could easily be altered if necessary.

I think asking someone (especially your own sister) to leave a six week old baby is mean. If she's over due baby may only be four weeks old, she may still be recovering from the birth. There is no way on earth I would be parted from my baby at that age. What if she's breast feeding?

I'm not quite sure what you think babies do at that age, they just sleep. Even if they do wake up it'll be for a feed and you just put a bottle or boob in their mouth. We had a child free wedding apart from a six week old (as we wanted our friends to be there) and we didn't hear a peep out of her. Baby won't be mobile, they wont be running around or talking. They won't need a place at the table, or food (so your cost worries are irrelevant). They'll just sleep. Be realistic. Are you really going to make your sister choose between her newborn and your wedding?

Your sister probably wasn't expecting to fall pregnant quite so quickly if this is a planned baby.

If I were in your shoes I def wouldn't be thinking of asking my sister to leave baby at home.She's

s your sister AND bridesmaid at the end of the day, not some interchangeable guest.

I reckon you'll be pretty smitten with your niece or newphew by this point anyway and s/he will only add to the magic.

If baby cries, baby's dad can be seated towards the back and he can slip outside before an interruption even gets going.

Your husband to be needs to suck it up in my humble opinion

Obviously you can do as you wish, but if my sister asked me to leave my newborn baby so I could be a BM, I wouldn't attend the wedding at all. Your wedding is nothing in comparison to a newborn baby; sorry.

Perhaps your best course of action is to simply ask her what she thinks about still being a bm. Bearing in mind the baby may be 2 weeks late, she may have had a ceaserean and still have stitches, or, God forbid, be in hospital. It's an unpredictable event I'm sorry, but your H (and to an extent you) are being completley unreasonable.

Thank you for everyone's posts.

I didn't want my post to make us sound nasty and selfish - though I see how it has

I asked her when she told me she was pregnant if she wanted to be bm still and she said yes. I would never make her choose between my wedding and her baby, she's my sister and of course want/need her there.

I think I will wait until she's had her scan when she goes public with the news and talk to her re: will she be breast feeding, would she feel more comfortable sitting with baby rather than her OH etc.

Thanks again x

You didn't sound nasty; it's just that you're focussed on your wedding and that's understandable. but it really doesn't trump having a newborn baby, especially a breastfed one. Your sister has no choice; you do. xx ?

Your future husband however, will need to wind his neck in, or he will be the cause of the upset, not you.

There is not much I can add to this but I think you are right about talking to her nearer the time about possibly waling down the aisle then if she wants to, sitting at the back with her OH and baby so she cane take it out if they cry.

As for the dress, I would talk to her nearer the time about what she would feel comfortable in. It might be that she has a different style to the other BM but in the same colour.

As for your OH, you'll have to explain that you want your sister at your weeing and f that means having a baby there, than so be it!

I'm dead against babies at weddings (and children in general) however I think in this instance you may need to make an allowance for her. My nephew was the only child we had all day, initially I wasn't going to invite him but my sister wouldn't have been there otherwise. He was 6 so not a baby and was well behaved thecwholecway through.

i understand your viewpoint and that of your oh however if she does breast feed she won't be able to leave the little one (this I learned through the power of hitched) could it be your oh doesn't realise this?

as for if she still wants to be a bm- have you asked her? You won't know unless you have the conversation.

What is it your OH has the problem with? If it's noise, the chances are he/she will sleep through the whole ceremony, especially if they are swaddled up and in a pram

If it's the BFeeding thing; as long as they are fed right before the ceremony, bubs should be fine

Maybe ask the mums on the baby Hitched site (can't remember it) for more advice on how to calm OH's fears?

Good luck - I hope you find a solution! x

The thing is, whatever her intentions on breastfeeding, etc, it might not necessarily go to plan.

I think that your OH has to realise that he's not deciding if a newborn can come to your wedding, he's deciding if he wants your sister and her newborn to be there. (IYKWIM)

My bestie has told me since having her baby that she would have really struggled to go out for the day for an event like a wedding in the first month or so. It's all so unpredictable.

Saying all this, you aren't the first bride to have these worries and dilemmas, and you certainly won't be the last!! ?

It's also the emotional side of leaving a newborn. You've just had a baby, you might still be struggling with brestfeeding, you're hormonal, you can't imagine being without your baby and someone suggests you just leave them with someone else for the day. I just wouldn't and couldn't do it. Regardless of how they are fed. It's like an emotional wrench, like having an elastic band that gets stretched the further apart you are. I first left my son at four months for a wedding, my mum was only down the road. I nearly cried when we got to the church!

Sorry, I meant she wouldn't be sat with her OH during the ceremony if she's BM. I don't even know if she's breast feeding these were just worries I have.

I need to chat with her, but you've made m feel better that hopefully baby will sleep a lot. I have read most of your posts to OH and he has come roun to the idea

Glad your OH is being more reasonable

Everything will work out fine!

Hooray for OH coming round! It will be great having a teeny tiny human there

Glad your OH is coming round to the idea. My OHs friends got married 4 weeks after my 1st son was born. They wanted no children apart from their 2 year old nephew there so i said i wouldnt go as i couldnt leave baby. But they came around to the idea and once we were there, my son slept the whole time! The only time he kicked up a fuss was as the bride arrived so i went for a walk around the gardens. he slept the rest of the day.

My sister recently got married and asked if i wouldnt take my 6month twins. although i was highly offended and quite upset about it, im really glad i left them with the inlaws! meant i could drink and have a good time. so ive been on the recieving end. most of the time babies will just sleep through anything! and if baby does cry, im sure your sisters OH will leave. maybe politely ask if he can sit at the back so he can make a quick exit

Haha that's adorable!!

Glad your OH is coming round to it OP, sure it'll all work out fine!

Thank you kldoig