Pregnant bridesmaid...should I change the hen do?

Can you get a mini bus there and get the ferry?

I doubt she would be allowed to fly at 7 months anyway.

Haha, your super large text made me chuckle.

This is quite a tough one I think.

I totally understand that you want your friend to be there, but on the other hand, it's difficult to predict how she might feel later on in pregnancy - even at 4-5 months, she might not want to go.

Not only would she have to fly, she wouldn't be able to drink and go completely wild etc (not the be all and end all I know, and she might be teetotal already for all I know but I hope you get where I am coming from!) and to be honest, Dublin isn't the cheapest city in the world, and she may well want to save the money for the arrival of baby, which I can understand.

I, personally, as long as she isn't offended, would leave it as it was. Obviously I don't know all of your friend's different situations, but if you change from going over a bank hols. to a 'normal' weekend, people might have to take time off work etc. So you're changing the plans of many people for just one, which could be a bit unfair on them.

I realise this is quite rambly and may not have helped!

As a nearly 7 month pg woman, I wouldn't expect or want my friend to change her hen doo just for me. Some days i barely have the energy to get myself ready so changing it all could be a waste then I'd feel like absolute rubbish for her. Go with your original plan if everyone else is up for it. She will for sure understand if she's a good friend, which she sounds like x

?

I did this once, on a uni trip. Ours was the only boat big enough to do the crossing in the high winds.

I was sick. A lot.

Sorry, this made me giggle ?

Back to the question though, I was thinking that Dublin I'm sure you can get to by ferry. Could you maybe get there that way instead of flying? That may be a really silly answer if you live in like Newcastle or something, but if you're that side of the country it might be an idea? Could you also maybe bring it forward to the Easter bank holidays? Its only a month early as its the first weekend of April, but a month could make a fair difference in pregnancy I guess? It really is a toughy but I hope you two work something out.

I was 8 months pg for my friends and tbh I didnt want to go anywhere, home or away. Do ask her opinion and say how you feel but if its what you want and shes a true friend then she will understand.

There's no guarantee that even if it's closer to home or can travel to Ireland by ferry that she'd be up for it at 7months, but I would just talk to her about it and be honest perhaps suggest a couple of different options, i.e doing something special just the two of you, or a girly get together with everyone before/after a main Dublin trip, or alternative transport e.g ferry etc. Then she can tell you which she is most happy with. She probably won't expect you to change your hen on her account but will appreciate you talking about it with her.

I would stick with your original plans. I'm sure she won't mind and you could move it to the spa and she still dosent make it?

As an aside, how far gone will she be at the wedding?

Also bear in mind that even if you go to a spa she may not be able to join in as I'm sure there is something about what you can and can't do whilst pregnant, I think it's something to do with the heat?

WEIRD! I was (meant to be) 7 months preggo for one of my best friends hen weekends to Ireland and 8 months preggo for her wedding. She had been so excited but started making vague references to a UK trip instead and I knew it was because of me. I sent her an email saying I hoped she'd still go with her original plans as I didn't mind missing out and she was SO thankful and relieved; they went and had a fab time.

(As it happens my baby came early, just before her hen weekend anyway so I would've missed it if it was in the UK anyway!! And I missed her wedding cos I was with my poorly newborn in hospital ☹️)

It sucks that she won't be there but like quite a few people have said on here if you do change it and then she doesn't feel like coming as is sickly or something then you'll be gutted and I'm sure she'll feel bad too.

Also, if you do change it to the spa, she won't be able to come - doctors advise from going to the spa when pregant because of the heat. It raises the body temperature and circulation of blood to the baby.

I would talk to her about it tho, that's the best thing - raise your concerns with her and try and arrange something you can do.

She doesn't sound like she's upset about missing it. You can't fly in the 3rd trimester so she can't come for practical reasons anyway, and you've planned this do before you found out so no reason to change.

A day of spa treatments sounds lovely. It's only hot tubs and steam rooms you have to avoid. Most spa places I have seen have special mum to be treatments which are suitable so if you go somewhere like that you can have the regular treatment with her. Good idea to book that later on so you know how she's feeling.

I'd definitely ask her. I don't think she'll be allowed to fly at that point. My manager was allowed to with consent from her midwife at circa 30 weeks, but I don't think they let you at 36 weeks.

Thank you for all of your replies...

Sorry, perhaps I wasn't clear - if we stick with the Dublin idea she will definitely NOT come - we live in London so no other option but to fly which she couldn't do and also she has said she wouldn't want to be that far away from home and her partner etc if something went wrong. She did originally say I shouldn't change it and we could do something else like a spa day (just meant like massages, not hot tubs etc!) but then she did engage in conversation about if I did change it, would she come for some of it etc.. (said yes she probably would come for daytime stuff etc etc) but as she has never been pregnant before (she is the first of all our friends really so no experiene of it at all) we both kind of agreed we wouldn't know how she would feel until the time..

I'd be gutted if she couldn't come but then thinking about it I think it will be the evening stuff I will miss her for the most - she is my 'party' friend really so drinking and dancing etc and she won't be able to do any of that wherever it is so wherever it is she will have to miss out of this part! (Drinking obviously, and the dancing/going to clubs etc she has already said she and her partner would not want her to go to as would be worried about getting bumped etc etc)..

I guess I want permission to continue with Dublin....I think she gave it originally but I talked myself into a situation where I started offering the ideas of somewhere closer to home etc, which I kind of wish I hadnt!

Oh and to PP - she will be 3 weeks away from giving birth at wedding!! So who knows what will happen there - she says she definitely wants to stay a BM (although we have dresses already for all 5 BMs which are no longer sold so that's another issue to consider... hopefully I can find one on ebay that's in a larger size and have it made to fit her..) She may well give birth early and miss the wedding entirely etc which would be such a shame but I will work on the basis that she's there..