pre-marriage counselling

We are not doing one but generally I think it could be beneficial, especially when you are young, have never lived together etc.

For us, we have lived together two years, bought a house together, essentially we are like a married couple, just not on paper. Both my OH and I are very excited about getting married and being married, so I don't think we need it (also we are both non-religious and isn't it traditionally offered by churches?).

We went to pre-marriage counselling. It was a weekend course, and one couple broke up at the end of the first night. The counselor said it was the first time that ever happened in her 15 year career - but it did make the weekend feel a little bit like Survivor.

Like DaisyBell, we live together, recently bought our second house together, combined our finances, etc.

We found it very useful as it confirmed what we already knew and gave us a few more communicate tools. The two other couples that made it through the end. One was an arranged marriage and they found out a lot about each other. The other couple were older and they were both going into second marriages, and they found it useful like we did.

Me and the OH have lived together for almost 2 years now as well.

I was speaking to some OMs over the weekend and one had done it and the other hadn't but wished she had because she found that even though they were on the same page before the wedding, after the wedding she found their expectations of married life had changed slightly.

I'm not religious so I think I might look at some outside counselling rather than in the church as we are doing the church mandated prep course. but I might wait until after the course and see how I feel then.

I don't have massive concerns, I just want to be fully prepared and able to really honestly communicate with my husband.

Also, i was recommended a book called The 5 Love Languages. Has anyone read it? I have ordered it today of the interwebs and it looks really interesting. https://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/080241270X

I guess thats how we know these course can work. Such a shame for them initially but for the best in the long run.

We did a secular course. We were married in an Anglican church but the priest was cool with it.

We covered the 5 Love Languages during the course. We did a test to determine who expressed love in what way. It was interesting.

We did it and it was super helpful. I'd defo recommend it and am a big fan.

Even if it's turns out you've discussed everything and you agree about everything then at least you know your on the same page. That can be really nice to know i found!

I did the test this morning, it didn't tell me anything I didn't know about myself. I sent it and my results to OH and he is going to look at it later, I suspect I know how he likes to receive his loving lol but it will be nice for us to look at it together, to fully understand each others position.

Exactly why I want to do it.

Did you do a church one or outside of the church? I'd be quite interested in how the two vary.

We did a church one. 'the marriage course' - think you might be able to find some info online.

We are doing the church one too, we did an evening a few weeks ago and have to do two days in October.

I have a fact sheet from the parish marriage co-ordinator but I want something more one to one I think rather than a group session.

I think I will drop her an email and ask if they do one on one sessions as well.

We did 5 weeks (i believe) and an online testy thing that we then discussed with another married couple.

Do try the one on one! you might find it helpful. I think we were a little unlucky in that they didn't have much time so i didn't find that so helpful...

I'll definitely explore it further.

Way back i mentioned it to the Mr and he scoffed but as we get into planning and talking about our future etc I think he is starting to see it could be beneficial

I haven't done it yet, but I would like to. Pre cana can be hit or miss, depending on who is running it but my friends have all said it's been very beneficial, even in a group setting. If you search for pre cana questions or catholic marriage preparation, there should be some websites with long lists of questions you should discuss with your OH before marriage. I also agree with the recommendation above to check out the Five Love Languages. On an entirely different note, I also love Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, the follow up to Eat Pray Love. It gives a real insight to the history of the institution of marriage and made me think about the type of wife I want to be and question if I was adopting certain roles or doing certain things within my relationship because it was traditional or because it's who I truly am as a person.

I think counseling can be beneficial no matter how long you've been together. There are couples that have been together for years and get engaged because it's "what's next" when they haven't really talked about the tough stuff with each other. I mentioned to my OH many times how it was important to me that my children are raised Catholic and he never objected. Then when we got to the engagement phase and started talking about our deal breakers, he suddenly objected. He said that he had heard me say it over and over, but he had never really processed it and thought about how he would feel if his children weren't Anglican because it always seemed like a question he could put off until the future. I also have friends who live with their SOs but still don't discuss finances. People can avoid difficult conversations for a very long time simply because it makes life easier, but if you're spending a lifetime with someone your true feelings will eventually come out. It's so important to have the hard discussions before you get married when you can still break up without lawyers involved. Whether you do it on your own or with a counselor, anything is better than nothing.

I havent done it, in fact ive never heard of it but i can imagine that it could be really helpful for some people.

ive been through different types of counselling for my health issues and i hate it so i dont think it would be for me personally but again ive never tried it so i dont know.

but me and OH have been together 7 years, been living together most of that time too.

I don't think you can compare real counselling for a specific issue to Marriage-prep counselling.

Marriage prep is just an opportunity to think about things you might not have thought about and confirm that you're on the same page with things.

Whether you've been together for 6 months or 10 years there will be things you haven't said out loud but assume the other person agrees with. If they do happy days, if not you can chat about it.