Pre-wedding arguments and anxiety

Weddings are stressful. I eloped abroad with just two friends as witnesses and even then there was some stress. Add to that you have the disappointment of family and m sure you feel that even if they are reasonably understanding. You have a lot of upset in your life on top of that and my reaction s to say it's probably all just become a bit much. With everything going on you may have been arguing even if you weren't just about to marry. I think you need to sit down just the two of you and honestly answer the question do we love each other. Really love each other. Try to have an honest discussion on that and I think you will have your answers. Big hugs to you, I hope you manage to come to some decisions and you're both happy with them. People are always here to listen x

Thank you so much.x

That's a lot of stress.

My two cents is that you probably need counselling to help sort through the bullying/stress issues, and your husband for his stress issues. You can also go to couple counselling to deal with issues together. However, I find that sometimes it's about helping oneself and then the relationship stuff falls into place.

Also, if you can go to pre-marital counselling - either through a church or otherwise - it teaches useful communication and conflict resolution skills. It also checks that the couple is on the same page.

Best of luck.

Blimey, it's no surprise that you're arguing! You're both under a lot of pressure. The first thing to remember is that it's all temporary stuff. This is just a moment in time.

Does your work have any employee assistance programmes which offer someone to talk to (not from work) about the bullying? I suffer from anxiety, and have found cognitive behavioural therapy a real help. You can find loads of resources online.

Your poor OH, it must be really difficult for him planning a wedding while his parents are going through a divorce. Have you talked about how the divorce makes him feel about your wedding coming so soon? Rather than going ahead now or cancelling completely, there may be some value in postponing the wedding until after his parents' divorce is done, especially if it's not an amicable split. It would also have the advantage that you might be through some of these other stresses and able to enjoy your day and the start of your married life.

Yeah you have a point. Stressful doesn't even come close. I realise that marriage isn't a cure to fix a relationship but in my heart of hearts i'm pretty confident it's not an issue with us persay and that the stress of the impending wedding has brought alot of issues to the fore which has contributed to our increasing arguments. I'm therefore hoping that once the wedding day has passed that things will calm down. I don't expect it will suddenly become perfect but hopefully the passing of the pre-wedding stress and nerves will help tremendously. We did talk about postponing the day in light of everything but ultimately agreed that it's what we want and i said that I don't want to let my job rule my home life anymore than it has and cancelling would be letting them do that.

My work does have an E.A.P and i'm being referred to their Occupational Health facility. They'll note down everything I say in confidence and recommend ways of helping the situation to management so I'm hoping that off the back of that I can perhaps make a move to another department or management will back off and leave me alone knowing the impact their behaviour is having on me.

Before we got engaged I asked if his parents separation/divorce was putting him off the idea of getting married in the future and he said it wasn't. His parents did things very differently to the way we have done (they rushed things and didn't live together beforehand) and we both believe they rushed things so whereas I know no marriage is foolproof and guaranteed to work, I think we have all the tools to make it work and make it work well.

I think i just wanted to know if we were normal or if I should be overly worried.

Thank you everyone. x

Good luck x

Thank you. x