Problems with our reception venue - advice appreciated!

Ooh that is a bit of a nightmare.

The venue sounds absolutely perfect for you so if I was in your situation I think I'd be reluctant to let it go too.

I think this is what I'd do - call again (not email). Arrange for a time to go in and see him and see how you feel after that. Openly discuss your disappointment at the communication so far but politely.

If he doesn't respond to your phonecall then personally I would contact the people that own the place. I understand what you're saying about antagonising him but he's hardly done much to avoid antagonising you.

Is there anyone else there you could see?

Thanks for your advice and empathy kharv! We really do feel like we're caught between a rock and a hard place because, of all the venues we've seen, nothing compares to this one and we're just desperate to get it.

What you've described is essentially our new plan of attack (definitely an apt description, because it feels like trench warfare at present!), and our latest email sets that all up. We've said that we're becoming concerned that the venue might not be right for us and we've given him some dates next week when we're available to come and discuss things with him - as normal, we haven't yet had a response. I'm going to give him a call this afternoon, bring the email to his attention, and push him for a date next week to come in. Depending on how that meeting goes, we'll either press ahead or walk away. Either way, as you suggest, we are going to make it very clear that his lack of communication has been both disappointing and unacceptable.

The step after that is indeed to contact the owners - I've found out the name of the company and it's family-run so I imagine they will be relatively easy to contact and hopefully helpful. Obviously the ideal situation would be if they simply pressed him to sort our booking out and he did so without any ill will, but there is always the chance that contacting the owners will make him tell us to shove off or, even worse, make him ensure that things go wrong on the day itself! Either way, I am definitely going to contact them as a last resort. Unfortunately the venue, despite apparently having a wedding on every weekend (which I have no reason to doubt, as I can't see why they would be closed every weekend otherwise) doesn't have a dedicated wedding co-ordinator, so there really is no one else to contact other than the manager or the owners.

I just can't help but feel that this has all taken the shine off the apple as it were, and I wonder if we will ever be able to trust that this venue will be able to deliver on what is meant to be our most important day.

Can't you just turn up at the venue and ask to speak to someone? It will be hard to ignore you then.

I was going to suggest this too - if he doesn't respond to your phonecall.

I really don't envy you. It must be so hard when the venue is so perfect.

There may be a completely reasonable explanation once you eventually pin them down - but if not, and you don't feel confident about them performing on the day - don't book. You WILL find somewhere else and you may find that the odd compromise is worth it for a venue stress free lead up to your wedding.

This is soooo frustrating.

I agree with Kharv go above his head. I did that at our venue due to our coordinator being rubbish at answering emails/questions.

I hated feeling bad because I felt like I was chasing her all the time but how hard is it to answer a ruddy email?

^^^This! I'd hate for you to lose your venue because of an inept manager

Not helpful but this sounds exactly like one of early preferred venues, with the manager showing so little interest and being so unresponsive we gave up in the end! We've now got somewhere possibly a bit less swish but the manager is so helpful and friendly I have no concerns about the day running smoothly. I wonder if it is the same venue!

Thanks all for your great responses.

If the call today doesn't result in an appointment next week for us to discuss things with him and sort it our once and for all, I think we simply will just turn up. Next step after that is to go over his head as suggested, but unfortunately there is no one senior to him at the actual venue so it would mean contacting the owners and so would be quite a big step to take. My fear is that even the owners won't want to know and will take the view that he has responsibility for managing the venue and they don't get involved in things like this.

bekkijane - that's the view that I'm taking to be honest. This venue is *literally* perfect for us and I'm simply not prepared to lose it just because some glorified barman can't respond to emails!

Anyway, I'm going to prepare a list of things to discuss with him on the phone and will keep you all updated!

reversehalo - That's spooky, where was that venue? This one is near King's Cross...

Btw, I've not referred to the venue by name because of a paranoid fear that the manager may Google his venue and find this thread (though from his lack of email responses I doubt he's ever at the computer) but if we end up having to walk away I will certainly be naming and shaming it!

Yep, pretty sure it's the same one! Shame because it did look lovely.

Oh dear, that doesn't sound promising at all - I've sent you a PM if you don't mind giving us a bit more information in case it can help us avoid the same result...

If this manager's behaviour is making other people walk away, the owners definitely need to be told.

Based on the fact that there are likely to be two people on one forum with exactly the same problem - I would definitely be going to the owners.

If you do contact the owners approaching it in such a way that you are not directly grassing up the manager for being Sh!t as you will want to maintain a civil relationship with him.

Dear Owners

I have recently viewed your venue and would like to proceed with booking my wedding. However several of my phone calls and emails have gone unanswered I am therefore concerned that you may have been experiencing IT problems at the venue and perhaps my emails/calls were not received.

I would appreciate if the manager could contact me at the earliest convenience to discuss booking my wedding at the venue.

Kind Regards

xxxxx

Thanks again kharv and Funky - I am definitely going to contact the owners as a last resort, not least because reversehalo and I have just privately confirmed that it was indeed the same venue and she ended up walking away after the same treatment, as we may well end up doing. I agree that the owners do need to know about this as they may not be aware - having said that, they may take the view that as long as there is a wedding booked every weekend and money coming in, it doesn't matter how the manager is acting. Hoping they will be helpful.

Funky, that's a genius idea re the angle to take when contacting the owners - I do think a phone call to them would be better though, as if I send an email there is a chance they will simply forward it on to the venue. The owners are individuals who run a small unrelated family business, so I'm just going to be very human and straight-up with them and say "Look, we love your venue, we really want to have our wedding there, but we are finding it impossible to make a booking because the manager doesn't get back to us." That does have the unfortunate effect of grassing him up, but to be honest I think someone needs to "tell on him" after the way he's behaving.

Having said that, I do really like the idea of sending an email to the owners citing IT issues as a possible reason, so I will have a think whether or not we'll do that.

Don't forget to update us with how you get on!

Well, that was underwhelming. I called the manager just now and he appeared to have read our email of last night, as well as all of our other emails, but said that he hadn't had a chance to get back to us because he was dealing with other people's weddings and enquiries. Whilst I'm sure that's true, that isn't a good enough answer - we haven't been asking complicated questions and he could have at least sent us a holding response.

In any event, he was pleasant enough on the phone (if completely unapologetic for his lack of communication), answered a few of our minor queries and has agreed to see us on Tuesday evening to discuss the outstanding queries and potentially finalise the booking and take the deposit. We will obviously go and meet him, but I'll have to talk to my fiancée about whether or not we finalise the booking, leave it for the time being or simply walk away now. On the strength of the evidence that the venue does do great weddings (other people's blogs, photos, testimonials etc) I'm inclined to go ahead - I accept that he may just be terrible at responding to emails but good at managing a venue - but it will come down to what the fiancée thinks, as she's definitely more concerned and put off by his behaviour.

So, we will have to see what Tuesday brings. I definitely feel more reassured having spoken to him on the phone (we may simply have to conduct everything by telephone and in person, although I'll still put everything in writing should things go sour) and feel more positive about it all - having said that, if it should all implode on the day and turn out that they've double-booked us, or the food isn't right, or something else goes wrong, we will always say "Well, we did have a bad feeling from the very start..."

Thanks all for your sage comments and advice - I will definitely keep you updated on developments! I'm still reluctant to post the name of the venue for paranoid reasons, but for anyone who is interested the postcode is WC1X 9HH.

Is it C**ds? Same thing happened to us - we booked somewhere else in the end.

Foo, indeed it is - and you're the second person on this thread to have done so, three if we do the same. Unbelievable that he thinks he can act like this - I wonder if the owners know how many people are walking away because the manager doesn't respond to emails.

Do you mind PM'ing me so I can ask a bit more about what happened to you?

We had to change venues (our venue closed!) and the wedding coordinator at the new venue was chocking! I had to email her manager and just express that we weren't happy with the level of communiction. It worked a treat and now the coordinator has changed I'm more than happy but there is no problem in just mentioning it politely to the owners of the place if you do decide to go ahead. I think Funky's wording above was perfect.

Glad you have finally been promised a face-to-face meeting. We had a similar experience, though clearly a different venue. We loved the venue and their prices but they were just so crap at communication we gave up. Luckily we have viewed a venue since that we have fallen head over heels in love with, 100 x more than the first one and have booked it! If the manager is still not sending good vibes at your meeting then you will surely find somewhere else. It may perfect in all other respects, but the staff really are important. Best of luck!

We've already met the manager once in person, but I'm realising that because he "doesn't do email" everything will need to be in person or on the phone to get things done.

A lot of people (both here and elsewhere) have been very clear that good communication from a venue is essential and I do agree - but I'm starting to think that he is perhaps the sort of person who only springs into action a few months before each wedding in order to keep his workload manageable. Doesn't explain why he fails to respond to emails with new enquiries or follow-up questions, but at least it is starting to make sense now and I'm able to mentally reconcile how a venue with such awful communication can supposedly do such great weddings. I refuse to believe that everyone who's had a wedding there has had to do as much chasing and fretting as us though!

Will let you all know how Tuesday goes.

Sounds to me that he needs a PA. My venue (so I found recently) has TWO wedding co-ordinators. The girl I've been emailing for months and is very prompt and responsive and the front of house it run by the restaurant manager. Of course this is of no help to your situation but maybe that venue could do with a one person being on case of phones and emails.

Sure, although there isn't much to tell as we didn't persevere very long! I know the place very well because I used to work round the corner and go for lunch/drinks a lot - I agree with you that it is fab!

So we emailed an enquiry and the manager sent the wedding info/booklet thing, all seemed very reasonable, started to get excited. Emailed back some enquiries (timing/menu suggestions etc), heard nothing, a week later emailed again and called and left a message, heard nothing...gave up. The thing is, like you say, the place often features on wedding blogs etc so some people do manage to get through to him! ? If you really love it then persevere, it really is a lovely place. We were unsure about the location (because we didn't want Camden Register Office) so we didn't really push it.

Such a shame you're having a hard time it sounds perfect.

Just a word of warning on the phone/facetoface thing - I would really recommend still following up each discussion with an email on what was agreed - I've heard of things being agreed/said in word and then not followed up or denied and if you do go ahead, you want a bit of assurance that details you agreed will go ahead,

It seems odd if they've had so many positive weddings there - maybe they've changed the manager or the system? I'm not defending the manager in anyway but I do get the feeling that a lot of wedding venues aren't 'set up' right with the right amount of people to give weddings the attention they need and what tends to happen is the nearer your wedding is, the more attention you get, which obviously a week before your day you want your query prioritised against someone who is querying about the possibility of getting married in the future, but what a lot of them seem to miss is you have to have the resources to pay attention to people in the early stages too, or you'll lose bookings.

I really hope it works out for you.