Hi,
My best friend is getting married in early June this year and I'm Maid of Honour. I am absolutely over the moon that she is getting married and i am so happy for her. I have never been a bridesmaid before, let alone MoH and I was so excited to be such a special part of the big day. Regrettably, so far (and we're a year into planning), it has been one of the worst experiences of my life and I feel like such a *** for thinking that!
Let's start from the beginning shall we...
My best friend has never actually formally asked me to be her MoH, she's just referred to me as her MoH when talking to everyone about the wedding. Having talked to the 4 other bridesmaids about this it is apparent that she hasn't asked any of us to be bridesmaids and just assumed. Maybe it's just me, but I thought the whole "will you be my bridesmaid?" was an actual thing. We, in the end, actually had to ask her if certain people were bridemaids or not, how awkward!
Her mum and dad are paying for the wedding. This is where the biggest issue lies. The bride isnt very vocal when talking to her mum and it's looking like her mother is planning the whole wedding and not letting the bride have what she wants. I really do feel bad for her and have tried to make the small bits that she can plan exciting and fun for her. That being said, for 10 months we weren't told what was expected of us in terms of cost. And the bride found it awkward to ask her mum about the bridesmaid budget. When too much time passed I confronted the bride and said that we needed to know the budget for the dresses so we can plan shopping trips etc for bridesmaid dresses.
(Context: I confronted her 7 months before her wedding, and was speaking on behalf of all the bridesmaids. We were stressed that we hadn't yet looked at any bridemaid dresses and we were concerned about having enough time to find the dress, buy it, and get it altered)
Three months later she gave the go ahead for bridesmaid dress shopping (this was 4 months before the wedding!!) and I planned an appointment at a local bridal shop. We all liked a dress there but it was really pricey, I think £200 each. She said she'd speak to her mum about the prices. Obviously she asked our opinion on the dresses because she didn't want any of us to feel uncomfortable in it. But as I assumed she was paying for the dress (that by the way isn't my colour or style and can't really be worn again) I wasn't too bothered with the dress that was chosen.
Next thing I know she sent a group message to all bridemaid saying she had found another dress online for £100 each.
(Which, by the way, looked nothing like the dress we had all agreed on in the bridal shop, but was half the price)
She then went onto say that one of the bridesmaids had been willing to put £50 towards it so if we could all contribute £50 each that would be great, to which everyone readily agreed so I felt like I couldn't say no. Bearing in mind, I haven't even seen the dress, let alone tried it on and was basically forced into putting £50 towards it because I didn't want to be a difficult MoH. She said that her and her fiance would contribute the rest of the money for the bridemaid dresses, which almost felt like I was being guilt tripped because they're paying out of their pocket rather than her mum and dad and I know that they're saving to buy a house. (I relented in the end, the dresses are here and are beautiful)
Annoyingly, when looking at dresses early on for her wedding practically the same dress was online for £40 total, so I feel like I've been put out an extra tenner because she didn't want to get bridemaid dresses earlier.
If I had known from the beginning the costs expected of me then I would have seriously reconsidered being her MoH. Also, I currently have no income. I'm a graduate and have no job and am not on benefits. So I literally have no money, and she knows this.
To add insult to injury, all ten Groomsmen are having their suits paid for by the grooms parents. I know for a fact that the price of suits comes to well over £1000. This seems slightly unfair to me.
On top of all of this it's expected that the bridemaids do their own hair and makeup or pay for it themselves to be done (fair enough: but dyou know how many hours have gone into perfecting the "smokey eye" without looking like you've got a black eye? Days worth), buy their own shoes (which she is trying to dictate and wants us all wearing the same shoe), sort their own travel and accommodation costs and buy their own accessories. (Sidenote: the bridemaid dresses are strapless - do you know how much a decent strapless bra is? Crazy amounts of money!! And I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if my double D's were in a standard tshirt bra with the straps tucked in, or alternatively stans bra and dangling by my ankles! Haha)
I have talked to her about alteration costs of the dresses as they are all too long but am yet to get a serious answer out of her, so I'm expecting that to be an extra cost too!
On top of the whole dress fiasco, which thank God its sort of covered now, is the Hen Do. The bride has said since day one that she wanted to plan her Hen Do herself. After asking her several times over a 6 month span I relented and have just been sitting back waiting for her to come to me with ideas. 3 months before her Hen Do she said she expected me to plan the Hen Do with the other bridesmaid. What?!! The Hen is currently 2 months away and I am sooooo stressed it is unreal. Unfortunately this isn't sorted yet, but I'm trying to plough through.
She's given us details of what she wants and I think we're easily looking at spending £200 each on that 
especially because we're booking hotels etc with such short notice.
Please tell me I'm not being whiney and that it's reasonable to be annoyed and stressed over this situation!
I was so looking forward to this experience and the wedding but now I just can't until it's over.
It would be great to get some feedback. Do you think the bride would understand if her Hen Party wasn't as glam as she wanted just because the bridemaids are already forking out hundreds just to be her bridesmaids? I know she'd be disappointed if it wasn't what she wanted.
Do you think she should have any input in what shoes we'rr wearing if we're paying for them?
Do you think it would be rude to confront the bride about the costs she's putting on her bridesmaids? And is it okay to put that much financial strain on your bridesaids? Obviously I've never been one before so don't know how it works!
Thanks so much, E x
Sidenote: this is all from a bride that's as cool as a cucumber but it's pretty much 3 months to the wedding and she has yet to send any invitations and hasn't even gone dress shopping for her own dress yet!!
