Reassurance - lack of bridesmaids and hen do

I am a little bit in the same boat as you! After I finished travelling I moved away from where most of my friends got jobs, and then went travelling. Since then (9 years ag now!) I have moved countries and cities about 7 times, so my friend network is al over the place.

I am having bridesmaids, but only two - one is a friend I have known for the past 10 years, and the other for the past 2, but they live at opposite ends of the country, and I only see them every few months.

I am like you in that I don't have a large friend group where I live now. I moved in with my fiance 6 months ago, in a new city and barely know anyone other than hi friends, and for me thinking about a hen party is not even on the cards. I don't have that girl gang either to have a huge party.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. You aren't strange. It is your wedding - you do what is comfortable for you at the end of the day. Don't feel forced into having a hen do or bridesmaids!

Everyone's different, I think there's so much pressure to have the perfect celebration and be the perfect bride that we can forget why we are getting married in the first place.

I have a friend who had no bridesmaids and just went for a family meal for her 'hen do' as she didn't want to mix friend groups and a big booze up just isn't her style.

I also have a boy mate who has no boy friends haha so the stag do isn't going to be very traditional.

Remember you're getting married for yourself and your OH, it should be exactly how you want it. If the people you love are there then everything else is just extra.

Try not to let it bother you too much, but if you feel like you need to do something then maybe a meal or a family party as a hen do?

Hope you feel better about everything x

What people have to remember, is that everything after: the bride, groom and signing that important piece of paper, is optional. (Well and the officiant plus witnesses)

Bridesmaids were actually to protect the bride from evil spirits, as the spirit wouldn't know as easily which girl was getting married, while it's nice to honour those closest to us by making them bridesmaids, it's not necessary. Even if the spirits were a thing, there's not many "pure" brides to target these days ?

As for the hen do, also optional, you could just go out with your mom if you wanted to.

The only reason I'm having one, is because my cousins/ bridesmaids are excited as I'm the first of us getting married, so they want to plan something. I've convinced them to keep it quiet though, I'm really hoping they opt for the dessert shop option. Yum! ????

I'm not having bridesmaids or a hen do either! I know I'm very much in the minority here but I didn't find being a bridesmaid particularly fulfilling or enjoyable experience and I wouldn't dream of putting someone else (let alone my so-called best friend through that!) Hen nights are totally over rated and expensive too. I completely agree with what you're doing! Don't feel weird!

I had bridesmaids but I didn't have a "proper" hen do. I just invited friends to a restaurant and we had a meal out. There was probably about 20-25 people there.

Most of my friends are currently pregnant and won't want to do anything silly when they've got a tiny tot plus I didn't want them to be many £s out of pocket as babies are expensive so we're going to a hot chocolate shop for chocolate and cake, playing card games and decorating stuff. ?

If you do want a hen do you could do something simple like a afternoon tea or spa day with family members (mam, grandma, aunts etc...) but really its up to you what you do, its fine not to have bridesmaids if you dont want them

Thanks happy blue cars it's great to hear I'm not alone! Have you had to field a lot of questions?

I can imagine if you still still have a solid group of girls you've been friends with since school and or cousins and sisters, having bridesmaids and a hen do would be fun but for me I think it would be super awkward to expect that commitment from people who live so far away from me and don't know each other.

sadly my friends from home have all drifted apart. I moved away, and most of them all live near each other but they literally never speak. I'm the glue so to speak. One of my friends made a really close group at uni that were all her bridesmaids but sadly I never had that, I think because I'm not a really girlie girl.

I just worry that when I tell people they think I'm weird!

We're just having a really small intimate registry office wedding but haven't really told anyone too much about it yet so I suppose my situation is a bit different but my oldest friends stay at opposite ends of the country now, I barely see them and wouldn't class them as my "best" friends. I wouldn't really say I have a "best" female friend. Neither of my closest friends really know each other either and all very different to each other. I just think having/being a bridesmaid is more hassle than it's worth! Same with the hen night. I don't feel like I'm missing out by not having bridesmaids or a hen night. I hate to think of people having to stump up lots of money just for MY hen night! And someone always ends up falling out with someone else at a hen night and someone ends up either having a hissy fit or in tears! Eh, no thanks :-) Stick to your guns on it!

Hi! Just want to reassure you that you are not unusual for feeling like this. I don't make friends very easily and as a result I don't have many friends in general.

I am plagued by feeling inadequate about it and have felt some pressure to conform so I am having a hen party. However, I am so worried that nobody will come and people won't enjoy it that I doubt I'm really doing the right thing.

So, I think you're being honest with yourself and brave to do what you want to do. Other people should just respect your decision as it's none of their business. I wish I had the courage to do it myself!

Don't let people get to you. We all have our own style of doing things. I have 2 older and 1 younger sister and even still I don't want bridesmaids. mostly because the whole walking down the aisle process makes me nervous as it is so I want to keep things simple, and in my head bridesmaids is for younger children (that's just my take). I've had offers of my finances young cousins as bridesmaids but will likely politely decline as it's just not for me.

As for hen do, I'm going to ask mum and sisters to a pre wedding spa day as my treat but again, going out on a crazy drink session isn't for me.

its your wedding, so just do whatever makes you comfortable and enjoy yourself x

Glad to hear I'm not alone with that! I think it's really great that you're having one, ok sure it'll end up being fun.

I think were probably both people who worry about what others think too much. I a man quite paranoid and always think people don't like me. Which ends up making me be quite distant with people and feel safer just with my family and fiancé ( as I know they like me lol) I'm the sort of person that talks and then worries that what they said was weird or not cool and then goes quiet out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

i wish I could be confident and stop over thinking but if anything this wedding planning has made it worse! Looking forward to it all being over in a way so I can stop feeling all the pressure.

I'm like a few others in this thread, where I don't really have a group of close female friends, after various failings out and growing apart over the years. I'm also quite an independent person who doesn't really let a lot of people in, so I have lots of acquaintances and friends, but not best friends and they come from all walks of life, and don't know each other, so the idea of a hen weekend filled me with dread! So, as a result, just me, my sisters and one friend are going to Disneyland Paris! A hen weekend doesn't have to be traditional, and as we have seen here, plenty of people are in the same boat, but in a short while, we will all be marrying our best friends, and the number of people who go to our hen nights will be long forgotten.

I'm not having either - in a way, for the opposite reason. I've got close friends who are all from different times of my life, too many of them to have a reasonable set of bridesmaids, and so varied that a hen do would just be too much complication! I'd rather not offend anyone... My sister will be my 'helper' on the day, and that'll do.

As some people have mentioned above as well, MONEY! Hen dos are so expensive these days (the ones I've been at are anyway!), and I think that having to fork out is often why some people get really tense at the hen do. Someone I know made everyone go to Marbs for their hen do - knowing that some of the party were skint - and by the end of the weekend she was minus three bridesmaids. Oops!

Anyway, it's not weird at all, and no one has commented on it to me (so far)! :-)