RSVP Rudeness

We had RSVPs by email and text too, but maily for evening guests. Day guests had to send their menu back, so luckily we did get some cards and nice letters. I may be completely wrong, but I always believed that RSVP was French and meant 'Respondez Sil-vous-plait' (sp)

Err, RSVP actually means "répondez s'il vous plaît", french for please respond...

But I do feel your pain with people not responding, I don't think people realise how important it is to have the replies and think that a few here and there won't make a difference. It really doesn't take long to buy and card and post it. We included RSVP cards in the end, it meant that people only had to tick a box and put it back in the post.

Some people still haven't bothered with that though tbh!

?

I am just... stunned by the behaviour of these people. (((hugs))) I'm sorry you're having such a crappy time with family hun, hope it gets better. Definitely NOT being unreasonable xxx

You're not being unreasonable, but people are. TBH I think if people let you know by text/fb/email then you have to accept that. The sister's being utterly unreasonable - if you don't want them on fb then that's up to you. As for uncles - OH's didn't bother replying, when we called him he said he (and his partner) were coming and then he just didn't bother turning up on the day. Thanks for that £150 down the drain and we could have invited 2 more people!

I don't think people actually realise you are trying to plan a wedding, and need proper numbers!

We sent out invites in March for our October wedding, with an RSVP date of 1 June. Am still waiting for some to come back even after chasing people several times. Have had some people give verbal confirmation but like you I wanted everyone to reply by post. It makes it much easier to sort the numbers out. As it is, I have sat with a pile of reply cards, allocating the day ones, and the evening ones, then thinking " x & y have replied by text and x & y have sent an email" and trying to account for them as well. We have a strict number of 100 for our wedding and will get charged £40 a head for any over that so I really wanted reply cards to come back in case I forget to count someone!!! Grrrrr I feel your pain!!

Urgh!! Don't I feel a right fool right now! Where the hell did I get reply soon via post from...

Actually RSVP stands for "Rependez s'il vous plait" Which is french for "reply if you please" Some people are very funny about replying and they do assume that you know they are coming. I think you have to be very careful what "stipulations" that you do put on the guests, and I think asking people not to put their pics on facebook is a bit harsh! I actually am looking forward to seeing everyone elses pictures of our day, and facebook is really 1 of the few ways of seeing them all. But everyone has their own ways of doing things.

Oh dear. I think you've got yourself into a wee tiz here, take a deep breath. I had a mixture of texts and cards but then we had menus and bus slips returned also.

You want people to write back to you and yet you would have accepted an email or fonecall from the uncle who now cant come due to his job committments....... I think overall ANY form of communication in this technological age is acceptable and you should only be peed off at those who dont reply. I had cousins who didnt get in touch at all and so accepted they werent coming. And they didnt, much to the disappointment of their mother.

as for the facebook issue, I agree with this and the girl should just learn to grow up. The phrase you used was directed at EVERYONE, not just her and she should respect your privacy. My friends posted our wedding pics and I wasnt too thrilled about it but nowt I can do, tis done.

so in short, dont get your knickers in a twist over how people reply and slap that girl down!

To be honest i think any response with a yes or a no, no matter what form it is in as long as i get it would be fine with me, some people just dont want to post a reply!

I must admit that the facebook thing is a little off - you cant tell people what to upload on their own personal page, but as far as the uncle goes then he really should have contact you and explained the situation.

Take a deep breath! lol

I think you are being silly!

Why do you care that people are replying through phone or facebook or text - this is 2010 for gods sake not the 1980's when the only option was post!

For me its not convinient to faff about chosing a card, writing it, buying the stamps, finding a postbox - im too busy.

People are busy and time is precious these days - just be thankful that people are replying on time!!!

Who needs family when it comes to organising a wedding huh!

On the plus side you actually had replies from them. Bad form on the uncle and sister front though. Most of ours decided not to use the good old fashioned postal method or email, even though we gave these on the invites for RSVP. It was mostly done through FaceBook, so much so that H2B decided to open an events page...lol.

H2B spent last night calling the annoying people who havent botherd to reply in any form to see if they will be coming. His cousin and his two brothers believe it or not. Cousin is not coming and thought his mum would have let us know (this is a grown man living away from his parents). His two brothers said of course they are coming and assumed we wouldnt need confirmaation...ffs...

But hey ho it will all work out.

x

I am sorry that I misunderstood RSVP, thanks to everyone who put me right. The reason I wanted replies by post was because I wanted to keep the letters and cards as keepsakes, I'm trying to hold on to every shred of the wedding so I can look back on it in years to come. I have always collected my memories and my wedding was never going to be any different. I wasn't trying to inconvenience the guests.

With all the choices of communication these days, I think that people will just do what is convenient for them, and the post will probably be the last option.

With regards the pictures / facebook issue, I don't think you can really tell people what to do with their pictures, unless you are famous and selling them to a magazine, surely it's their choice!

Not to worry. You will have so many more important wedding things to keep and look back on. The RSVP is just the small start of something much bigger.

Maybe you can make a scrap book for the wedding prep. Then you can add one or two posted RSVP's.

x

I am looking forward to getting all teh cards back as well - only as iw ant them around my flat as will make me feel like the wedding is almost here. However i know that loads of my friends will see the invitation almost as a formality as i already know they are coming. I am expecting quite a few replies via text and facebook but seeing as i communicate with so many of my friends using these two forms of communication i cant really complain. Although i do agree with you that if you specify a date and an rsvp address then that should be how the rsvp is carried out.

I really like your wording about pictures and facebook and am going to have to steal it. I am a teacher and know for a fact that loads of the kids i teach and even some of their parents search for the members of staff on there, the last thing i want is them seeing my day and commenting on it. It will be difficult as loads of my friends are on there and i am always putting photos on there myself so may have to add a bit about the fact that so long as their privacy settings are set i dont mind. But there is no way i would want photos of my day available to anyone. And in all honesty if your sil2b is prepared to miss the day just because she cant upload photos then not alot you can do.

Of course it is the guests choice to do with their photos as they please but if a couple have politely asked for pictures not to be put on the internet then they should accept that. My family have no problems it's just OHs sister. Some of you believe we are in the wrong for asking for the pictures to stay offline but we have good reason for this, obviously you all don't know the reasons and so you can only make judgement based on what I've said but OHs sister knows the reasons and still doesn't get it. Thanks everyone

I don't have any problems with that personally - I can't see why you NEED to put pics on facebook - mine are all over it, but that is MY choice, just as it should be your's and OH's.

About 8 years ago I made my own webpage when they were all the rage and I was a geek and my pals didnt 'get the internet'. I posted some pictures of my friends on the page and they went off their heads saying I needed to ask permission first. How times have changed eh, now everyones flashing all n sundry on the big WWW, no permission required but in honesty I think it should.

My brother requested that I didnt put my wedding pictures online - accepted that the tog would, but even on my return to here, people emailed me for the link as I wouldnt post it publicly. This was due to his children being on the internet and i totally understand.

There are people in my past life that I would not wish to contact or make contact with - hence why I've never joined Facebook, regardless of privacy settings, and as a teacher like Tinks, I wouldnt want any brat finding anything about me on the ole FB and our careers are not ones to be messed about with. So I totally understand where you are coming from Shnarfy.

Teehee - Glad there are others who understand, some people just want to keep their lives private. I just wish OHs sister would snap out of it and realise she is making a huge mistake.

I have set up a page on gettingmarried .com and given people the option to reply there, my friedn used this site for her wedding and used it almost as a journal-i was always popping onto catch up on her wedding goss!!she could also include directions to the venue and local hotels etc her gift list and photos and background of her family and h2b family...

as far as the fb thing is concerned i had issues with my own sister constantly putting pics of my children on her file, and like you have reasons why i do not want them on the internet-i dont put them on it so wouldnt expect anyone else too, so i uderstand how you feel about that!! xx

Oh my god!!! ?

I personally dont think you are being unreasonable. A lot of effort, thought and money goes into each guest and I dont think its that difficult to buy a card and send it to you. How would guests react of they started being invited to weddings by facebook or text?

How boring will our birthdays be if in a few years time no-one could even be bothered to get you a card.

That's just me though and its clear everyone had their own personal opinion on this

I agree about the facebook thing, if you request something specific for your wedding day then people should respect that, especially family who should realise how important it is to you.

I think you should accept that not everyone will send an acceptance card though. It is rude if they don't reply at all but even an email or text should be enough. It will be nice to keep the cards to look back on but surely the important thing is that these people will be at the wedding and not how they choose to accept the invitation.

TBH until I started planning my own wedding I didn't realise how important this was to some people and would have quite happily sent an email, text or even just told them in person.

You're not being unreasonlable at all. I started handing out our invites today and was at a friends, they opened the invitation read it fron and back (the back being an rsvp that the tear off at send back) then said 'we don't really need to rsvp do we, you know we're coming!!' Why have we paid for rsvp's if we don't want you to use them!!! x

Thats even worse, they could have even done it and handed it to you. It would still help with your records.

Whilst I agree it's rude for people to not give you any indication of their attendance at all, I think it's a bit extreme to get wound up about people responding via phone/facebook/email/etc rather than posting the cards back. I would say that though, because I am RUBBISH at posting things and people have gradually learned to accept that I'm more reliable by email than anything else. This is why we're setting up an online RSVP system through our 'wedsite' - firstly to save on postage and bits of card laying around the house (eco-friendly too!) and secondly to make life easier for people who share in my affliction.

The facebook thing... well if you have reasons for wanting to keep photos of your day off the internet, then that's fair enough. Ordinarily I'd say you were being a bit of a spoilsport but if there's more to it, then you're most likely being perfectly rational. Your OH's sister is being a numpty if she's refusing to come to the wedding because of it though.

I have had people (family Mainly) asking the date of our wedding and saying well we will be there so dont bother sending us our invite!!!! and my mum calling the world to tell them the date is now set and then telling me well so and so will be there so cross them off your list!!!

x

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all. We are sending rsvps out with the invites so people dont have to go and buy them they literally just need to cross out either we will attend/not attend and out a stamp in it. We have written the address on them all. Like you I want to keep them, just a sentimental thing really.

We have a week after the wedding till we go on honeymoon so I will be detagging myself from pics that are put up by others. I am on facebook but have set all my security settings so others who are not my friends cannot see, but not all my mates have done this.

Could you print out the email/facebook replies so you still get to keep them?

I agree partly with the photo's on facebook, Mine will go on there but my profile is private so only my friends will see the pics as i dont want the world and certain people seeing them. I think your future sil is being incredibly immature, it must be something about fsil's as mine refused to come to her step sons birthday party as i was going to be there - no surprise really as i planned and hosted it.

Oh and the wording on your invites sounded really good.

I hope you manage to work it all out x

You can change your FB settings so none of the photos you are tagged in show up on your wall.

I just personally do not want any pictures uploaded to the internet full stop. My family members are friends with people I used to go to school with and no longer talk to, other people from my past and so whether they are tagged or not I simply do not want them on the internet. My OH feels the same about this so we've pretty much got over the fact that his sister is going to be a cow about it and if anyone else in the family raises issues we are just going to ignore them.