rubbish birthday :-(

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

I wouldn't expect anyone to plan anything for my birthday. I've always organised it. My husband is the same. We had a massive bash for his 30th but only had a lot key dinner for mine because our wedding was a couple months beforehand.

It's also one of the busiest time for people being Christmas and New Years. There is a lot going on for people.

You need to be grateful that people want to spend time with you (and vice versa). They could choose to do something else but they're choosing to spend time with you! Does it matter if she doesn't drink? I often don't drink anymore because I have a medical condition and don't like talking about it. Even if not, I'd be very hurt if my friend thought less of me because I didn't want to drink.

If you're worried about your hen do, talk with your MOH. Tell her people are asking for a date and ask if everything is in hand. If not, and you want a hen, take over or ask someone else to do it.

You sound really stressed. Take a step back and breathe.

Happy birthday!! ????

I agree. Ask her about the hen and if need be ask someone else to organise it or organise it yourself. Xx

In your first post, you said your friend (and it is your friend in this situation - not your MOH because it's not wedding related) was taking her car and you were annoyed that you'd be the only one drinking. Now you're saying that her having her car indicates she'll leave early.

You also said that nobody planned anything for your birthday but then say that you were roped into doing something. I am guessing it's having a big night out, but you're annoyed that it wasn't planned?

I'm confused.

Also, everybody's birthday is the same day every year (except if one is born on the 29 February). Christmas and New Years are also the same day every year. They're also notoriously busy times of the year for everybody. I also appreciate that those with birthdays during this time of year often get missed. Mr Ash's birthday is 2 January and his grandfather's is today.

Perhaps I am missing something. However, based on your posts, unless your friend said she would plan something for you or always do, it's unrealistic to expect her or your other friends to plan your birthday celebrations. It's especially unrealistic for that expectation to be laid over the holiday season when most people have a lot going on.

Is there something else going on?

I am guessing your "big birthday" is 18, and when I was your age, I probably didn't realize how self-centered I was either.

To save you further heartbreak, I'll let you in on a fact of life that you've not yet learnt. When you go "above and beyond" for your friends, you do it for them - not for your or as an expectation that they do the same in return. Not everybody will go "above and beyond" and not everybody will want you (or appreciate you) going "above and beyond" for them. Going "above and beyond" is meant to be a selfless act, not a debt that they owe to you.

You don't have a right to be upset because you've set an unrealistic expectation on your friends that they've failed to meet.

Your friend has chosen to spend time with you. You're not grateful for that. Instead you're upset about how she's spending that time or the length of time (I'm not sure which because you've put forward both "reasons" to be upset with your friend). That's a fact regardless of the time of year in which your birthday falls.

The fact that you're not taking the time of year into account means that you're being further unrealistic and fail to empathize with the competing commitments many of us have during this time of the year. Christmas and New Years are typically going to be busier than other times of the year. That's just a fact. It will get even busier as you get older and you and your friends get married and/or have kids.

My last piece of advice - I love my friends. Yes, sometimes I get annoyed with them, but I find it useful to remind myself of what love is by reading Corinthians 13:4-8 even though I'm not religious. It reminds me what qualities I should practice in relation to those I love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I hope your day gets better, annoyance fades to joy and that you do have a great birthday.

^^WSS.

I get where you're coming from. I also am the one in my group who arranges everything. Literally everything. In fact, I've just deposited a carload of friends at the station after a get-together which I arranged (including their individual train times from all over the country). Whereas, it wouldn't occur to my friends to arrange anything for me. I was amazed that my best friend has actually offered to arrange my hen do this time around. (The same best friend who literally had no interest in the hen night for my first wedding beyond what offers there were on the cocktails). I agree that sometimes, it does get you down. I spent my last "big birthday" travelling alone because my friends had all had big "surprise" parties and I knew I'd have to arrange my own.

The thing is, Ash is right. Some people go out of their way, others don't. Just because you show your affection for your friends by buying big gifts or organising fantastic nights out, doesn't mean that they do the same. It also doesn't mean that they love you any less. My friends don't organise anything, but if I needed any one of them I know they'd be there in an instant. The way I see it, you have the same choice to make that I made many years ago: either accept that this is the way your friends are, or find some new friends.

Of course, you could also tell them how you feel and that you'd like it if they would organise something for a change...

Doll, I am not the one coming off as selfish on this thread. Your petty insults are more a reflection on you than me.

My husband's birthday was brought into it to demonstrate that I understand the struggle of someone who has a birthday this time of year - not to indicate that I don't bother about his birthday. As I stated above, my husband and I organized a party for his 30th which took months of planning to ensure his friends and family could make it. Christmas party invites in his group of friends are sent out around September. We also had friends who needed to arrange for babysitters, etc. who are also on holiday or booked up early. It's a busy time of the year, but we made it work and lots of people could make it.

I am sure there are plenty of women who would make him feel special on his birthday if given the opportunity. He's a great guy.

Well tried Ash, all good points, well explained.

The problem is, you can't reason with unreasonable people. I'd quit before you feel the need to: ?

Well that escalated quickly...

Nothing to add, other than I hope your birthday gets better, pinkx

It was my 30th last year and no one bothered, took two days off work but H hadn't planned anything and hadn't got me a present (we don't usually do presents), I was disappointed that he hadn't seen it as a big birthday but I wouldn't expect friends to do anything. As we get older birthdays get less important I suppose. I usually just organise my own then I can't be disappointed.