Rude Comments from In Laws

I can see how you would be upset by this, I would be too.

From what you have said it would seem that they are jealous and if your future MIL noticed it too then its clearly not you overthinking it or looking at it differently.

Are your future in laws contributing at all( MIL/FIL)? maybe that could be a reason for the jealousy and due to you having it abroad maybe they (BIL/SIL) think the parents are contributing more as a result of it being further away? Did they have to pay for their wedding themselves with no help from parents? and are your parents contributing? Maybe they are jealous of the help you are having and going through the process fairly recently know how expensive everything can get, especially if you are having a wedding weekend.

Could they be jealous because it is America? Maybe they expect it to be nicer than their wedding (i.e., weather conditions maybe?).

Whichever way I look at it, it looks like a case of the green eyed monster and its best to try and ignore them (easier said than done) but I am guessing this won't be difficult as you have only met them a handful of times. If it is getting your OH down I would suggest just trying to be there for him and listen to his upset. If I were in your situation I would probably not tell them anything else about it and just discuss it with people who are interested such as your OH mum and dad and your friends and family. They don't have to go if they begrudge it so much.

I can see how this upsets you but try not to let others jealousy get you down - remember its your day and traditionally the wedding usually takes place in the brides home town. If they don't want to go or dont want to travel then tell them to do one and stop sticking their noses in.

I'm a little confused though as to why your future MIL said after the lunch that she thought they were very rude! I would have thought she may have said something at the time rather than let your OH take the brunt from them if she thought they were being inappropriate. Although i appreciate it does depend on the environment etc but not surprised your OH and you feel upset!

Yikes, no wonder you're upset. It's not like you're holding gun to their head and making them come to wedding, plenty are abroad now and people can choose to go or not. If my brother had said that I'd have said well don't come then! You can't get on with everyone so I'd put that part out your mind, jealousy is a mean trait.

Hope it all works out for you and your OH isn't too upset

CeCe100 his parents are contributing the same exact amount that they contributed for his brother's wedding. They gave us a figure and said we can spend it on whatever we want. Her parents also paid for most of her wedding.

I do think it could be a money issue though. This is purely speculation based on the few times I've met them and what other people have said, so it could be completely off base. My OH grew up in a rural area. His parents, and most of his friends’ parents, have working class jobs. Her parents both have corporate jobs, so they earn more money than most of their neighbors. Her family’s financial status is frequently the topic of conversation and it seems like it’s a big part of their identity. (Where I’m from it’s pretty standard that both parents work in the corporate world, so it’s not really notable to me). Every time I’ve gone out with them her parents make a big to do about picking up the bill, to the point where it makes my OH’s parents uncomfortable. My OH tells me that growing up his brother would rub it in his face that her parents paid for his vacations, paid for the down payment on their house, that he had a long term relationship and OH didn’t, etc. (These are the kinds of comments he made the first time I met him.) They were very smug about their good fortune. However, neither of them put an effort into school and don’t earn very much themselves.

I get the impression that they don’t know what to do now that they can’t 1. Make my fiancé the butt of all their jokes anymore and 2. Impress people with their financial status. My fiancé and I have worked very hard and are able to live a comfortable life, while they have to turn to her parents for everything. (I earn a lot more than he does so this would become more apparent when I entered the picture). I imagine the same thing must be happeniing with their other friendships though as people grow up and start to get promoted/earn more. Maybe they don't know how to handle these changes within their social circle? We don’t talk about our income or our spending habits though (I'm actually frugal to the point where it drives my OH crazy), so I don’t know what else we can do to fix the situation. My fiancé is really upset because he doesn’t want to fight with his brother, but we have no idea what this “fight” is about since it's so one-sided.

They sound like d*ckheads. Just ignore them. It's sad for your fiance but it sounds like his bro isn't interested in a genuine realtionship with him anyway. And, as an aside, the "ceremony" time for weddings is quite short, 30 mins to an hour - we got married in the town we live in now, and most of H's childhood friends and family travelled 2-3 hours to get there, minimum. So it can happen even without a "destination" wedding! To me it doesn't sound as if they are annoyed at the travel time, but that they brought it up in an effort to make him feel crappy about your plans.

Sambarine, that is exactly what I said! Also, do they not realize they aren't the only guests and that I actually have a very large family that lives local to the venue? My mom is one of six children, and my Dad one of four! I have A LOT of relatives. My OH says he should have responded "Want to know another interesting fact? For the cost of the hotel rooms at your wedding I could have bought a flight to America", but he only thought of that later lol.

I agree with every other comment.

Take no notice.

Extreme jealousy

Total di##heads.

If his mother is prepared to comment on their rudeness it must be bad. Your OH purpose in life isn't to be the butt of their jokes or make themselves look better. If it carries on I would say we want you at our wedding but if you can't come without trying to put it down you don't need to bother. They see you as having a better wedding than them and stealing their limelight. I bet when you're here and enjoying two incomes surpassing theirs, have more than they have it will probably increase. Everything they have will be great and what you have, can do with be a waste of money or showing off. Ignore them and don't let them try to spoil things.

What always amazes me is when it's not people who don't know you or like you much but close family. I have a family just like that. I'm still waiting for my brother to utter the word congratr. Won't happen. Xx

Just remember that whatever nasty comments are made, it is a reflection of them and not of you or your OH. It is horrible when close family members come out with these jumped up barbs but it is based on their insecurities, not your actions or anything you are planning. Some people just can't accept other being happy.