***S108HAN'S Rambly Flashy Wedding Report***

Thursday

I'd woken up early again and had intended to go to the gym but already felt exhausted. I'd lost 44lb in order to get into my wedding dress, which only just fit and I was terrified that all the pre-wedding socialising might be enough to bust me out of it again. That saidI was shattered and our flat looked like one of those documentaries about people who hoard things all their lives and have a mental break down at the idea of anyone throwing anything away. I'd finished work the previous Friday but Saturday we were at a wedding, Sunday we were...um...delicate and Monday and Tuesday I'd taken it upon myself to manufacture 24 cloth bags out of fabric and ribbon remnants (party bags for kiddie and toddler activities) and make patchwork liners for the flip flop and card baskets. I had clearly become mentally ill. Anyway, this meant I felt I had justification to sack off the gym and try and restore order in our little homage to Steptoe's yard before meeting Susan a bit later for tourist stuff in Liverpool.

I started sorting things into piles according to where they needed to be transported to the following day and then tidied the kitchen a little. It made no difference. By the time Susan facebooked to say she was up and about I had essentially spent my time doing what Wall-E does in the eponymous movie and turned loose mounds of mess into neater piles of mess.

I arranged to meet Susan on a train that would depart her nearest station in Chester pass through my nearest station in Birkenhead and deposit us both in sunny Liverpool. It was a precision timed operation, so I was a little alarmed that Susan's last facebook message to me before leaving Jodie's was that she had fallen and twisted her ankle and was a little delayed leaving but was on her way. I couldn't do anything about it though, she could only communicate over wi-fi. Luckily, she made the train but asked if our first stop in Liverpool could be a pharmacist to get a support bandage. No worries, we got what we needed in Superdrug and found a bench to put on. It was then a realised that Susan's ankle had swollen massively, until she had the appearance of someone trying to shoplift a melon in her sock. I needed to revise our walking plans, so we went and grabbed lunch in my favourite cafe, where my friend Trev happened to be working and his wife Angie, also a very good friend, happened to have called in for lunch. Angie had met Susan at my Chinese Karaoke Buffet birthday and was able to tell Susan more about the comedy troupe we're all in while Trev got some ice for Susan's ankle. I was on my smart phone trying to find some tourist activity to do with no walking. Luckily, the Liverpool hop-on-hop-off open-topped tourist bus stopped around the corner. If we kept the hopping off to a minimum, we could still pass a couple of pleasant couple of hours and rest Susan's ankle so that she could still, hopefully, get down at the wedding disco

We put the plan into action and when we eventually did hop off it was right outside the Liverpool Big Wheel, so we had a few spins on that. By the time we'd finished, it was time to head back and get ready for the evening. A load of my family were arriving from out of town that afternoon and we were all meeting, along with some of our close friends for dinner at a lovely restaurant overlooking the Dee Estuary. It would be the first time I'd seen my parents since May and the first time, Clare, my best friend from school had seen them since she had her daughter, Eva, who was now set to be my 5 year old bridesmaid.

Unfortunately, Jodie and Gordon were now sick, which placed an added time pressure on us to make sure Susan got to the restaurant and home again afterwards to, without exacerbating her ankle. Luckily, she was able to get a lift to the station in Chester and we met her off the train and Hooton before whizzing over to Parkgate, only a few minutes late. Waiting at The Boathouse, my Mum and Dad, Granddad, Auntie Renee and Uncle Pete, my cousin and his family, who were all waiting separately from my Liverpool friends Danielle, Rob, Helen and Kev and then Clare and her family who pulled up beside us in the car park. I rounded everyone up and we were shown to a cosy table for 17 with views off the Dee Estuary, North Wales mountains and the stunning evening sunset. We were joined a little later by OH's parents and all enjoyed a lovely meal together. As the sun set a group of powered paragliders put on an aerial display and everyone chatted and relaxed, enjoying a lovely meal. We wound things up about11.30pm but OH and I had to drop Susan off, a one hour round trip. Once again, we didn't make it to bed before 1am.

Friday

My busy day started early, at 7am when I decided to go and fit a gym session in before my 9amappointment to have weekend lashes put on by the wife of one of my bosses. After that I headed home. OH had to dash off for a long standing doctor appointment, so I had something to eat and waited for him to come back with the car so we could start our whirlwind of errands.

First up, we headed over to collect our floral arrangements from Eva Adore of Wallasey. I'd opted for silk because it was cheaper (less than £150 for eight bouquets and ten buttonholes), I could check samples in advance and collect them the day before so nothing was left to chance on the day. They wouldn't spark OH's hayfever and they'll keep forever (or at least until Danielle knocked red wine on hers at the reception). Then we had to go to shopping to get a few bits before going home and moving everything that needed to go to the venue. My parents and OH's dad offered to help with this but when we called to let OH's dad know what time, he'd gone out without taking his mobile. I went off to the venue with the bulk of the stuff with my Mum and Dad and OH waited at our place for his Dad. This actually turned out to be really useful actually because I could keep ringing home as I remembered more and more bits that needed to come that I hadn't put in the 'venue' pile.

My Mum and Dad unloaded the car and left me at the venue to wait while they went back to the cottage I'd booked to stay in with them, my sister and her partner, my Granddad and Danielle, in the grounds of a nearby manor house. After OH and his Dad arrived and I helped them unload, OH took me back to our flat to pick up my overnight stuff, the bouquets and gifts, and all the food and drink I'd bought for the accommodation. It really didn't look like I was just going away for two days - I packed less for our two week honeymoon - and I still ended up forgetting deodorant, shampoo and conditioner.

OH took me over to the cottage (shown below), where we discovered my Dad had become obsessed with another couple's wedding! In the grounds of the manor house near the cottage, a marquee for 800 guests was being constructed for the next day. The bill for the food alone was going to be almost £30,000 and that was before they'd paid for the enormous tent, with plumbed toilet block, carpets and sprung dancefloor! Dad took OH to have a nose and when they came back, it was time for me to say goodbye to my boyfriend for the last time. Eek!

My sister and her boyfriend and their band were driving up from London as they had a gig in Liverpool that night. They were also picking up Dirty Debbie from Doncaster, who now lives in Leamington Spa. She had lived with Maria in their first year at university and they were still living together in London when Susan visited in 2007, so she got hang out with her then. When she and Maria finally did part ways domestically, Debbie went travelling the world and spent Thanksgiving with Susan's family in Maryland. Now she was to stay with Jodie and Gordon too and be Susan's date for our wedding before the pair of them and my sister took my Granddad off to Ireland for a week. Maria's travel updates were the first inkling that anyone in our guest list who was driving up from the South that day (probably about a third of them) was suffering a nightmare, traffic wise. Bank holidays are never good but the UK's biggest dance music festival, Creamfields, was kicking off a few miles south of us. In the end some people were 9 hours on the road. Maria and Mat and Debbie were running late and wouldn't have time to collect Susan from Chester and unload Debbie's gear before the gig. As it turned out Susan's ankle was still too swollen to come to the gig anyway.

Mum and Dad took Granddad out to eat at the local pub in the village as he was going to miss the gig too. I was alone in the cottage and it was the last time I had to myself before the wedding. I quietly got ready for my evening out and reflected on how lucky I was. When they got back about 6pm Mum and Dad and I headed into Liverpool for the evening. We went to the gig venue, to drop of some of the bands equipment and wait for them. Maria, Mat and Debbie arrived but the other band members were a good hour at least on the road behind them. There would be no time for a sound check, so we went and ate together. It gave Debbie and me a chance to catch up as we hadn't hung out in years. Everyone was excited for the gig but very excited about the wedding and wanting to hear about plans.

Back at the gig venue Maria asked me if I would be able to drive with her to drop Debbie in Chester, a 50mile round trip on the end of a long day, because she didn't know where they were going. I'd been planning to drive back with Danielle who was meeting us at the gig and wasn't 100% sure where she was going either. When I checked with Danielle (please mind, please mind, please mind) she said she didn't mind and so he begins the story of how I ended up push starting a VW Beetle at 11.45pm the night before my wedding.

The gig went really well and the band had lots of good feedback afterwards. My parents and Danielle headed back to the cottage, while we waited for the band to gather their stuff. Eventually we got away and headed back to the car when my sister’s OH said “Where are the other car keys?”. The car had a steering wheel lock on and the key was missing. We quickly called my Mum and Dad in case it was in the guitar case that they’d taken back in their car, trying not to panic or in my case become the ultimate bridezilla. To add insult to injury, we our conversation was being drowned out by a major domestic spat between some drunk couple on the other side of the car park! Eventually, the keys were located in the side pocket of one of their cases and we all jumped in. Hooray! Much celebration all round until sister’s OH pointed out that the car wasn’t actually starting. “What do we do now?” we asked him. “We’re going to have to bump start it!” We all jumped out again, as could hear the domestic on the other side of the car park had become physical and I was slightly worried we’d end up down the nick given statements having witnessed GBH. On closer (but not too close) inspection, the fella was kick the crap out of a wheelie bin (I decided Grevious Bin Harm should be excused) before charging off. Back to the job in hands and I ended up channelling the power of Bridezilla with Maria and Debbie, pushing the car around the car park singing I’m Getting Married in the Morning, On the third attempt, it jumped into life.

The 50 mile round trip to Chester was largely drowned out by Maria and Debbie ‘do-be-deeing’ their own mash-up of the Bridal March and Rocky theme in the back seat. Eventually, sister and her OH and I made it back to the cottage around 1am. Where my Mum had laid out all the cheese, chutneys and biscuits I’d bought and Dad popped a couple of bottles of proseco. All the cottage residents laughed, chatted and joked until 2.30am, when we thought we ought to call it a night on account of being fairly busy the next day.

Saturday

There are absolutely no words to describe how wonderful the big day was but one that was used often was relaxed and that certainly described the morning. I awoke before 7am,so four and a half hours sleep becoming standard.

Lesson number 2 Wedding Planners: Sleep is totally overated and there aren't enough hours in your big day as it is. Something else will give you the energy you need to stay awake.

I read my facebook, where my newsfeed was becoming full of messages of goodwill, luck and support or guests saying how much they were looking forward to the ShandyRox wedding as it had now become known. I became aware that Danielle, my bridesmaid, was awake next to me, when she stretched in bed. Something wasn't right I asked her if she was ok and she said the sciatica that had been plaguing her for two weeks and seemed to be getting better suddenly seemed to be worse. Having struggled with my back since my teen years I had every sympathy. Normally my lovely OH would rub it for me to make it better. Cue me giving Dan a big old back massage with a tube of deep heat. She had some painkillers and by the time my sister knocked 10 minutes later, we were chatting and laughing and getting excited. We got up and threw some clothes on and I got a bag together as I was moving to a hotel that night and needed to check in before I did anything else. Danielle drove me over to do paperwork and leave my case.

The weather was bucketing down with rain. This was forecast, along with a dry afternoon so I tried to ignore it. We went to Tesco for birthday cards, to replace the proseco we had unexpectedly drank the night before and to buy crunchy nut cornflakes. I saw them and had a craving. I hadn't had them since we got engaged because of the big wedding dress diet. I have no will power where they are concerned. When we got back to the cottage I had two big bowls but they didn't half keep me going.

After that I had a shower and started on my makeup. The cottage had a radio you could jack external devices into, so I started the lovely chilled spotify playlist I put together as back ground music for the service and sang along while I did my make-up. A few weeks previously, Danielle had booked a surprise hair and makeup course for us with groupon, knowing that I was planning for us to do our own. Once my make-up was done, I popped the cork on the proseco and went upstairs ready for Danielle to do my hair. By now it was nearly 11:00am but the transport wasn't booked until 1.30pm so plenty of time. My goddaughter arrived not long after with my cousin Emma, who is a final years photography student who agreed to record the getting ready stage at the house. All the girls piled into the room and we chatted and drank proseco, except poor Dan who was staying sober while she did my hair, but she seemed happy enough anyway. Everyone kept saying they couldn't believe that I was so calm and the house was so chilled. My Dad, Granddad and sister's OH stayed downstairs out of the way while we all prepped and pampered.

About 12.30pm just as my hair was finished my friend who I have known 24 years arrived downstairs with her five year old, Eva, another bridesmaid. Don't get this wrong people, I may have been the bride but this littl'un was the star of the show, melting everyone's hearts. We went upstairs with Eva to get her dress and her Mum went home to get her OH and her son. When Eva was dressed we did some presents. I had bought all the bridesmaids jewellery for the days and my Mum and Dad some theatre tokens. Mum cried when she read the note and Dad was welling up because, although I had written it advance I was accurately able to say it was already the happiest day of my life.

(Something Blue: Toenail varnish!)

Time for dresses on girls! I threw everyone out of the room because I needed to put my magic stick on bra and, actually I could get into my dress on my own with its low zip up back. I just needed Danielle to do her magic 'turn back cleavage into front cleavage' trick on my back fat and I was sorted ready for photos. OHs sister arrived downstairs with her two girls. My three remaining bridesmaids had also brought me my card from my OH and then good work I'd done on my makeup nearly went to pot. I opened my present, which was a sketch of me performing in the 2013 Liverpool Improvathon by the resident artist. I read his lovely card that his sister had bought, about how proud he was to being marrying me.

The car for my Dad and me arrived and we had lots of photos while we waited for the minibus that was taking everyone else. I'd booked it to bring a load of mates over from Liverpool and drop them at the venue first then come to us, so once Dan's husband called to say it departed the venue we knew it was less than 5 minutes away. We were still so early! We set off and the chauffeur offered to take on a little drive in his Daimler around the block. Good job or I'd have beaten most of the guests. As it was, there were still a couple of guests arriving when I pulled up. My BMs were all in a line waiting for me looking massively nervous, except Dan who is totally on my wavelength. "Aren't you nervous?" my sister said. "This is the best idea I ever had, the cleverest, smartest thing I've ever done! What's to be nervous about?" I replied. We went in and met the registrar. It was the first time my Mum and Dad knew what I was walking down the aisle to: Bridge Over Troubled Water was the song they had playing while they signed their register. More emotion alround. Unfortunately, it was the only hitch of the day. The registrar, bridesmaids and everyone involved was briefed: the music will start playing but we won't enter until the start of the final verse. Unfortunately, the ushers either weren't paying attention or didn't understand because as soon as the song started they whipped open the doors and, presented with 142 pairs of eyes staring at them, the bridesmaids had no option and they started walking. However, the person doing the music was a little unsure what to do having been instructed to play the whole song. We were all down at the alter by the end of the first verse and waited until the end of the second verse, when luckily, the person doing the music faded it out.

Everything else ran perfectly. Our readings were Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulgrum and You Make Me Walk Lightly by Tom George. We had Heartbeats by José Gonsalez and There Is No Greater Love by Amy Winehouse while we signed the register. We had been a little nervous about the prospect of 24 children, toddlers and babies for a formal ceremony but they never bothered us. I thought they'd all remained silent throughout but apparently one six month year old had decided to blow raspberries all the way through, to the great amusement of OH's old uni mates and Eva's year old brother waited until the registrar was asking for any objections and then said "No, no, no, no, no". I guess we were so focused on the vows and the registrar that everything else zoned out. At the end of the ceremony we walked out to Movin' On Up by Primal Scream.

We filed up for welcome drinks in another bar and photos on the lawn. We'd bought a couple of footballs and the children either burnt up energy running around on the lawn or, in the case of the little girls, come up and speak to the bride. For many of them it was their first wedding and I felt like a bit of a fairy tale princess. It was touching for me. I was a bridesmaid three times by the age of 11 and loved weddings as a child. I'd written to all the parents about a month before and asked what sort of things kept their kids entertained, what they liked to eat, what they need in terms of high chairs, so it was at this point a lot of parents came up and thanked us for making it so easy for their family to attend. Loads of people, especially non-parents, commented (including the photographer) how nice it was to have the children there

Lesson Number 3 Wedding Planners: Children can make or break a wedding. Our mini-me guests made ours!

Plus they were about a fifth the cost to cater for and got the dance floor going really early

Wow love it!! you look absolutely stunning!!! xx

The wedding breakfast was set up with lots of handmaid bits and pieces, which we thinking made for a unique feel. I handmade bunches of paper flowers and put them glass bottles which I painted. I collected lots of wood offcuts from work (I work in a joinery firm) so OH made little base plates with LEDs in so that the bottles would light up. I'd embroidered all the place settings and made our own table plans. I'd also made 24 cloth bags that OH filled with lots of age appropriate gifts and activities. The big hit was all the inflatable musical guitars and saxophones we included, which many of the boys used to bash each other with. No harm done but many adults thought they should remove them from the children for safekeeping and subsequently pose for photos or bring them out later on the dance floor themselves.

We had a lovely sit down three course meal and in between courses, my husband and I somehow managed to visit all 17 tables and chat to our guests and pose for more photos. Many of the guests were intrigued to discuss our handmade but we modestly credited OH's parents with the arduous task of emptying all tose white wine bottles for us. After dinner, we had the speeches but with the slightly unusual touch of the bride assuming the role of MC. It made sense to us, as I was probably most accustomed to public speaking of the top table, seeing as I perform regularly with a comedy troupe. That said, FotB did me so proud and OH brought the house down. Afore-mentioned comedy troupe are, I think, hoping to enlist him in the future but he gets so nervous beforehand I can't see it happening. Best Man, to his credit, could have totally humiliated OH but allowed him to come of rather more dignified (if not as rock'n'roll) as he might have done.

Loving this report!! Brilliant and you looked amazing!! Really nice the effort you went to for the kiddies i'm sure it was hugely appreciated by the parents, the pics of the little girls with you are so cute I bet they loved it!
You look so happy and like you had such a perfect day Well done for keeping so calm as well haha!

Congratulations to you both x

While the guests went again out onto the lawn and took in the evening sunshine, the venue staff reset the room once again

The excellent Domino Band set up for an awesome evening disco. Initially the dance floor was a haven for the kiddies to burn off the last of their excitement of the day.

As they were gradually led home to bed and more evening guests arrived, the dancefloor was full of our lovely friends and family letting loose in celebration. I have some video of on of the groomsmen and I given our unrehearsed version of Real Gone Kid by Deacon Blue and the final number the band did of the evening, Hey Jude.

(OH hates having his picture taken)

The eagle-eyed among you will notice it's not the same dress! I love a boogie at a wedding disco but I couldn't have managed it in my day frock. An evening quick change was needed.

Even after the Domino Band finished their set people were still trying to dance to the playlist we had prepared for songs to wind the night down. One of the special moments was the very last one of these, when my Mum, sister and I hugged and danced to Good Riddance by Green Day, which has always been one of my Mum's favourites.

As eveyone elses taxis and the Liverpool minibus arrived to whisk people away, we wished everyone goodnight, gratefully receiving all the "Best Wedding Ever!" feedback before walking the 300 starlit yards to our own hotel, in newly wedded bliss.

And they all lived happily ever after

Loads more photos at my photobucket here

Offical photography to follow from our lovely TOG Emma Hillier here

Floral arrangements from Eva Adore

My dresses were by Bride Be Lovely, now closed down, and Debenhams with extra beadwork from me

Bridesmaid dresses from www.lightinthebox.com

Suit hire from Moss Bross

Our lovely venue was The Grange

Our superb band The Domino Band

One Heck of a report there Mrs!

Congratulations, you look beautiful and looks like one heck of a wedding all the best lovely.

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That's because I want to remember it always, so it's partially for you folks but more to help me remember!

Great report, really fun to read and sounds like you had an amazing day and you looked gorgeous. I also love that the Chinese buffet karaoke place featured, love that place!

Fantastic report! You looked absolutely gorgeous. Love how natural your hair looks, that's how I want mine to look too congratulations on becoming a Mrs!

What a perfect looking day! Thank you for sharing with us - I love all the detail and effort you've put into describing everything -beautifully sets the scene!

Wow fantastic report!! Lovely photos too, looks like you had an amazing day, congrats!

Lovely report, congratulations, it looks like it was an amazing day ;-)

Fab report! Congrats again! x

Amazing report. I love the background info - makes it feel Like I'm there..sort of

Quick question - how far in advance did the groom go for suit hire at Moss Brothers?

Wow, that report reads like a book! love the effort you went to for the children, we will have about 16 at our wedding all under the age of 11, and a big factor of us choosing our venue was the outside space for the kids to play and let of steam.

Congratulations!

Thanks ladies!

I can't remember when we first tackled Moss Bros but I do remember nobody needy to be measured until 6 weeks beforehand, so I guess any time before that would have been fine.

I love this report..You looked amazing, the flower girls are so cute.

Conratulations.

You look gorgeous, fab report too x