Scared of the dress...

Can you telephone the shop beforehand and make them aware that you have some anxiety issues in relation to body image and that youre imagining this experience as pretty much the worst of your life. Then they're on notice, they will treat you with extra sensitivity and I'm sure they will be discreet.

However, I'm not going to lie, I found there was very little dignity in wedding dress shopping. If you don't want to show your body and boobs off, then ask if they've got a corset or something you can wear - one of the shops I went to loaned me one whilst I was shopping, because it gave a letter look to the dresses, and it was seamless, really comfy and covered to the top of my knickers.

There isn't much you can do about sizing except be aware that the sizes are a bit bonkers - I'm a size 14 and I had 12s which almost did up and 16s which wouldn't go over my bottom. Equally I tried on dresses which were being held together at the back by the lady because they were enormous on me. If a dress doesn't fit, it just isn't the right size for you, it's not you, it's the dress - they mostly buy samples in one size, and one size doesn't fit all.

Good luck, I hope you're able to enjoy yourself.

Hi YellowDiamond,

Firstly well done on writing this post, it must have taken a lot for you, it definitely doesn't make you sound shallow and I can totally understand how you must be feeling. I don't suffer with anxiety, so can't say I know what you are going through but in my job I deal with a lot of people with similar body issues. It is definitely not uncommon and I think we all regardless of shape or size have some issues. I'm a Personal Trainer by the way. I know you have mentioned you are dieting but do you do any exercise at all? Before making the move into personal training I had similar issues with my weight, yo yo dieted for years, was around a 14-16 and was really unhappy! With healthy eating and exercise I got my weight down, but still never felt happy! It wasn't until I started exercising and lifting weights specifically that I started to see my body not just for what it looked like but what it was capable of - this could help you start to switch your mindset quite quickly, not that it's a miracle cure but it may help you out a little bit.

Dont stress about the shopping day itself, I know that's easy for me to say, try not to put pressure on yourself to find the "perfect" dress, just go and try on lots of different styles and see what suits you - that's what I did. My first appointment I was only planning on going on to try as many dresses as possible as I had no idea what I wanted but I did end up finding the one as the dresses are all just sooo lovely!

I hope that helps a little bit, and I really hope you have a fantastic shopping experience, will be great to hear how you get on xxxxx

I can fully understand you because I felt the same. I bought my dress in July. I'm 58 and was recovering from breast cancer and one way or the other had body issues. I'm also your size and had very little hair. I took a strapless bra and wore big pants lol. Was worried about looking ugly or a fool in front of other younger thinner brides with lovely long hair. Silly I know. They put me fully at ease, talked me into trying lots of different styles I was convinced I wouldn't want. I didn't wear the bra even! I think if they don't make you feel that way you're in the wrong shop! And yes I bought a snug mermaids dress I never thought I would wear in a million years. I did decide however that the one person I needed there was my OH. Not traditional but I don't care. Hes already forgotten what it's like and it will look different with makeup and now I have hair again.

Try not to worry. Think of it not as looking for the dress but trying styles to see what suits you best. That way you're not putting extra pressure on yourself. Good luck.

I was also very nervous about going dress shopping as body conscious, although admittedly not to the same exter as you, and was very surprised with how much I enjoyed dress shopping! I also ended up with a mermaid style dress that I never would have thought would suit me before hand!
In terms of practical advice. I wore big white pants and a strapless bra and at no point did I feel like the consultant was judging me. Even though one of them was drop dead gorgeous! For one dress I did have to take my bra off but this was done with the dress on so my boobs weren't on show and then I put it on again before she'd taken the dress fully off.
Another thing I didn't know before shopping was that the dresses tend to be smaller than high st ahops as the material has less give. So I just fit into the size 12s. That's something I think you just have to come to terms with and mentally prepare for.
At the end of the day, size doesn't matter, and you will find something that's perfect for you. I saw 4 or 5 brides trying dresses on whilst I was, and they were all different sizes, but I didn't see a single bride looking horrible in a dress. Sure, some look better and suit people better than others, but you'll look beautiful!

I don't know if it helps you but when I went trying on dresses I also wore a strapless bra and either legging or black tights and you can leave them on under the dress when trying on, this made me feel a lot more comfortable and hope it does for you to x

Just to echo whats been said above, I wore a strapless bra and leggings throughout mine and the consultant was very good at 'not looking' iyswim. Try to relax and enjoy

I also wore thick tights and kept both them and my bra on. My friend bought a strapless, nude all-in-one type thing when to wear when she was dress shopping, I don't know if that would help?

A lot of the dresses I tried were around a size 14 so try not to worry too much about them being tiny. My friend did find that some didn't fasten but they weren't so small that you couldn't get an idea of how they would look. She found a beautiful dress and we both found the staff made us feel comfortable in every shop we went to.

Good luck!

Hun, I didn't really read through all your responses so apologies if this has already been said. But there's no rules why your hubby to be can't come with you, even if you get it down to a certain style with him and then suprise him with the rest? Also well done (without sounding patronising) for facing your demons head on it isn't easy to accept you have a problem x

Agree with LalaC, if having your fiancé there would make you feel better then maybe you could make an appointment just the two of you. Stuff tradition if it will make sure you get the dress you want without worrying about others. Maybe once you've found the one you like you could bring your mum along for the fittings if you want to include her?

Good luck

Also the consultant has seen allllllllll shapes and sizes in the buff, to her it's not a pair of boobs oooh errrr it's oh right Sarah is undressed Helen has got her shoes with her etc etc she won't be taking a second thought about your body don't worry

Aw sending you big hugs!

Firstly, well done for having the guts to post this. I've been through a similar experience, although in my case it's social anxiety and body dysmorphia. Have you had CBT? I found it worked wonders for me.

Try not to worry about the dress shopping. The consultants have seen girls of literally every shape and size. I have endometriosis, which means I bloat up at some times of the month (not necessarily the times you'd expect!), which in turn can send my BD crazy. Normally, clothes shopping is a nightmare. Bizarrely, wedding dress shopping was fine. The consultants were really understanding, and as soon as I told them about my situation started pulling out dresses which took the eye away from my stomach.

Give them a ring beforehand and explain you have anxiety etc, so then when you arrive they already know you might find it a very stressful experience. When you arrive, tell them which parts of your body you're uncomfortable with and they'll help you find dresses to suit. I know how hard it is with anxiety/BD, because you get it into your head that certain things don't look good and that idea sticks no matter what the reality is, but try not to rule anything out.

The other thing I did was go to my first appointment just with my OH. He helped me decide what styles looked good without stressing me out, then when I went with my mum and BMs I was more relaxed.

Hope that helps!

She honestly never batted an eyelid at my fat, cellulite, scars and what's left of my boob. I did tell her beforehand mind you to gauge her reaction. They have seen everything on a daily basis and all they care about is making you feel special and beautiful. If they don't try a different shop

That must have taken a lot of courage to write that. I'm sure the ladies have already said everything you wanted to know but I just wanted to say wear decent pants as yes you will be in your pants and no the shop ladies do not care in the slightest. I didn't have to take my bra off until I was in the dress and if was my choice to do so. She was happy to tuck the straps in for me and again they are very professional about it. One shop gave me a hoop and left me until I was in my bra pants and a hoop so she didn't even have to see my rather gorgeous gym pants! if any shop assistant makes you feel uncomfortable then do not spend a penny there. The shop that gave me the hoop did not make me feel like they were attentive and I felt rushed and I was so glad I went elsewhere as they let me try on a ridiculous amount of dresses and we left well after closing time! Be prepared to try any style and let them suggest dresses and just try and enjoy the experience. Yes you will try on dresses that make your bum look big or your boobs look like they are about to escape but when you find your dress you will feel amazing and will hopefully be able to laugh at any that did not suit!

I have to be honest, I suffer from BD, lowest size I was was a 4, and, the idea of trying on dresses had me actually clam up in the shop, which is odd because I like shopping, this, was different. I went on a Saturday first, and I don't know, because it was busy and they over-run I just wanting to leave. After the second dress I tried on I did relax a bit, and I then only went mid-week and because they are far less busy and you feel different with there being only 1 or no other brides.

I never took of my bra I even wore one with bright green straps (impromptu appointment) the one thing I would suggest massively, is pick out a load of underwear before the appointment, and look in the mirror just wearing your pants, and see and get your OH's opinion which looks makes you feel comfortable, I wore granny pants to hide most of my stomach and my bum. I agree maybe sneakily go for an appointment Thursday afternoon with him, and do appointment with him, so even if the nervousness of trying on your first dress is there, he will also be there and you will feel better.

Don't worry about being a different size, there are months and months inbetween getting the dress and your first proper fitting, even if you buy an ex sample. It's also not shallow, you are wanting to be comfortable not feel like you're being watched or judged, totally normal - I view it as.

Really hope that the dresses go well, and your weight goals work, and the shop assistants will know if you feel uncomfortable instantly, they see women's faces and body language when they find the one, and also when they find the hell no. Do say any concerns, they will help you, they won't hinder or push you into trying a dress you don't feel comfortable in, and if they do, say I hate it, next one please, and do not give them a penny. Even if you find it, google other shops who stock the same dress.

Best of luck x

Thank you all so so much for your lovely words of encouragement and advice, I've been visiting friends in London for the weekend and was reading these on my phone on the way home and felt quite emotional at your wonderful support, so really a big massive thank you, I feel much better prepared and informed!

i shall definitely be finding a big pair of granny pants and a good bra and will see how I feel on the day about that one!! It's so reassuring to hear all of your experiences, like you say, if the women in the shop can't bring themselves to be lovely, helpful and supportive the. I won't be parting with any cash that's for sure!!

I do struggle with seeing things for myself, as from your comments it sounds like many of you can understand! They can tell me I look lovely and I won't believe it so am really keeping my fingers crossed for that moment brides who have their dresses say you get!

Ive got two weeks to go so will be rereading your comments lots between now and then I'm sure, so for now I hope you all have wonderful wedding filled weeks! Xxx

Hello!

As you all took the time to write some amazing advice and support when I posted this a few weeks ago, I wanted to come back and let you know how this weekend went... It was so good that I actually found my dress!!

you were all (of course!) totally right, the ladies in the shops were really lovely, no eye lids were batted at my cellulite, no gasps of horror at the sight of me in my pants, or giggles at my big bottom, just lots of prosecco pouring and making me feel comfortable. I went to three in total, the first I was, as I expected, a bit uncomfortable at first, but I pulled lots of dresses that I thought I'd like and feel comfortable in, the very first one, I came out, stood on the little box and just felt weird. Didn't know what I was supposed to be looking at, or how I was supposed to feel. So I kept going and eventually found one that I felt like I really liked. I was worried as I didn't have a big moment of "it's the one" but the lady said not to out that pressure on myself and if it felt right it felt right. So I was really happy, I felt like I was wearing a dress I'd feel really happy to wear on my wedding day and that it was really flattering. It was a lacy a line with lace illusion neckline, with a lacy cathedral veil. Just as I'd pictured!

Later after a bit more prosecco and some lunch we went to shop number two. Now at this point in the story I should tell you that I'd seen a picture in a magazine with lots of ruffles in the skirt, and I loved it! Very OTT but if you can't be OTT on your wedding day when can you...

So shop two. We go in an immediately I see a ruffle skirt. I know it's going on the list to try. We pull a load of dresses similar to the one I liked in shop one, and the got to the ruffle skirt, but immediately put it back as it was a mermaid. The lady said let's try it anyway just to see the skirt. So I did. You can guess where this is going. In short, I appeared out of the changing room, my mum and BMs jaws hit the floor and I burst in to tears. It is the absolute opposite of what I was expecting, but I cannot get it out of my head. The online pics on the website don't do it justice and I don't think some of the details are that clear in the online pics but it's by pronovias and it's called ledurne I'll try and post a pic of the website shots - ruffle skirt, mermaid style and if you look closely at the bust it's actually feathers! It sounds totally bonkers but I LOVE it! I couldn't have gone without all your advice, so I owe you all a big thank you :-). X x x

Ahh Yellow Diamond I'm so happy you found the dress and enjoyed the experience! Pronovious dresses are so beautiful, and I've just had a sneaky pic online at the Ledurne and wow!!! Stunning! I don't think the models/online photos ever seem to do the dresses justice, oddly!

Congratulations again on the dress xxxx

Wow, what a dress! I'm so pleased you had a good time and found your dress.

Serious dress envy. That dress is stunning. I also bought a mermaid which was the last thing I expected to like or want. Very pleased it all went well and you have a dress you love. X

I echo everything said above - and sending internet hugs ❤️

The main things I've found:
1) try one things the assistant suggests, you'll be surprised at what looks gorgeous! They've seen so many brides of all shapes and sizes, and a good assistant will know what will suit you!
2) dress sizes are nothing like the high street! I sound the same size as you, 14/16 with boobs and a bum! Some size 12 dresses have gone on beautifully, some size 18's haven't gone over my bum or boobs! One made me look like a squashed sausage, which mum still cracks up about!
3) you can wear leggings, I wore massive knickers! A strapless bra is great too, none of the (many) shops I've been in have asked me to remove my bra

Good luck!

I would do well to read all of the thread ?

Glad you found your dress yellow diamond! Might need to start my own finding a dress thread, I'm having an utter nightmare.

Congratulations! And wow beautiful dress! I. So glad you had a wonderful experience!

Stunning choice - so glad you had a positive experience and your worries xx

Stunning choice - so glad you had a positive experience and your worries xx

So glad the experience went really well - and you got your dress, which is lovely as well. Very happy for you