Second Wedding Stress!

Hi

I'm a second time round bride too.

I wish you all the luck in the world. My main thought this time are that I'm doing it for the right reasons and we are doing it our way!

I'm 43. My children are 18 and 20. I got married at 19 and was married for 20 quite miserable at times years. I never thought I was worthy of being married again, after being such a failure at it the first time round. I certainly never expected to meet OH and feel like I do about him (which I NEVER felt first time round).

When I got engaged, my initial thought was that it should be a small, ceremony at the registry office, with an "appropriate" dress/outfit.

Then I gave myself a slap around the face and said tough titties to those who might think I should do that, when what we REALLY want is to look amazing, feel amazing, have an amazing party for our friends and family, blah blah blah.

So, that's exactly what we are doing. Yes, we are having a big party, but we are inviting who WE want, not the second cousins, parents work colleagues, old next door neighbours that I had first time round. I am wearing a wedding dress...from a real wedding shop. Even got a tiara The only thing we probably won't do is have a gift list, or ask for money for presents, simply because we don't need it and don't want to put that sort of pressure on our guests. Their presence on the day, genuinely, is enough for us. I don't need a blender or a toaster. And if I did, I would go to John Lewis and choose one myself.

This is OUR day, and whatever we do will be right FOR US.

Whatever YOU do, whatever YOU wear, whoever YOU invite, will be right for YOU. And don't let anyone talk you into doing anything that you "should", or telling you that you "can't".

Say out loud, now, WE ARE GETTING MARRIED....WOOOOOHOOOOOO!

Your day, your rules.

x

Just wanted to say hi, congratulations and why shouldn't you have a great day the wa you want it just because it's our 2nd wedding? It's not like it's to the same man!

Best of luck

Hi, I just want to say I'm more excited the second time around and it really doesn't matter what you had the first time around,it's now that's important. Just enjoy it as much as you can and wear what you want!

Hi

welcome re 2nd time this my 3rd time I was very young 18 first time round lasted 10 years my 2nd attempt was an awful miserable 16 years except for my children but this time is for real!! I'm 52 and found real love, friendship, and my soul mate. it's OH first time so we are having a civil ceremony and we are having the full works I've got a dress from a bridal shop a tiara my daughters persuaded me to wear a veil :-) my sons are in tails as the groom. My girls and granddaughter are bridesmaid, my grandson is the ring bearer.

so I'm saying do what you want it's your day not everyone else's, they should feel honoured you have asked them to share your day. So you go for it!!! :-)

Hi and welcome to hitched! I'm also a second timer and was married very young to an abusive man.

The first wedding was a cheap, quick and quiet affair that barely anyone thought would last or bothered to attend. They were right but for the wrong reasons as it turned out!!

This time, I'm having a wedding with all the trappings in a beautiful venue. I'm having a wedding dress and a veil, bridesmaids, flower girls and pageboys. I'm having the music I want, not what I'm told I should have and, most importantly, the right groom!!

Have the wedding you want, where you want it and ignore what 'everyone' says, they talk a lot of rubbish!

When I was asked why we didn't just pop down the registry office one tuesday morning, I pointed out that while this wasn't my first marriage, it was definitely my last and therefore I was going to do it in style ?

Hi there, im a 2nd time bride and i am having the big dress and the exact wedding we want! Do what you and OH want, there are no rules or should and shouldn'ts these days! Go for exactly what you both want :-)

You have been blessed with a second chance at having the wedding and marriage you deserve; so take it and have the wedding that you want and that your fiance wants!!

PS can i come to your wedding?! Sounds fabulous!

Hi!

Its my second time too, my first wedding was 4 years ago and lasted barely a year as he was a violent alcoholic thief, and I was stupid to marry him. Anyhow...I know how you feel, it's always at the back of my mind that I have done this before, for example I haven't asked for any gifts as I feel bad that some of the guests have already got me a wedding gift before. But on the plus side this wedding will be exactly what we want, I am having a black handfasting dress, because that is me. My first wedding was a 'proper' wedding if you like as ex H wouldn't entertain the idea of a black dress or anything quirky. This time I am being me and having a wedding which is less comventional and more perfect :-)

Welcome and congratulations on your engagement.

I'm not a 2nd time bride so I can't really offer any advice on that aspect, but I just want to say so what if it's your second marriage? You deserve to have everything you dream of, especially after such a terrible ordeal first time round, so I honestly wish you the very best of luck with your planning and honestly, just stick two fingers up at anyone who tells you you shouldn't have this or that.... it's nothing to do with them.

There's no second bride rulebook, so you just have whatever you want!

Hi,

I'm more of a reader on here than a poster on here, but couldn't not reply! I think the important thing is that you've found someone who makes you happy and that you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you should celebrate that however you want! My OH has been married before, and it breaks my heart that he worries loads about what other people think about him getting married again. We get married in October, and his worries really took the shine off my excitement when we first got engaged. He's relaxed a lot since he's seen how thrilled his friends and family are for him now he's happy (first marriage and relationship sounded pretty grim). You deserve to be happy and it's the present and the future that matters now, not the past.

My advice would be ignore anyone who brings you down, enjoy every second of the wedding and planning because you deserve to, and do everything exactly how you and your OH want!

Hi and welcome.

I too am a 2nd time bride (getting married in 2016) and I completely understand where you are coming from. My previous marriage was for 13 years and I was in a very controlling and unhealthy relationship.

This time round we are totally making it about what we want with the people we care about. We are getting married in a registry office but this is through choice because neither of us are religious in any way and its local to us and we have picked a venue for our Reception that I adore. Just because this is my second time (H2B's first time) we are still having the white wedding, cars, flowers etc. Some people have raised their eyebrows but I don't care. This is our day and about what we want. And to be honest I'd marry him in a bus stop if I had to!

I say if you follow your heart and please yourself and your other half then you can't go wrong. Good luck with all your planning x

It's really refreshing to know that there are loads of people in the same boat, with the same "HELL YEAH" outlook to their wedding!

Of course, every dress/hair/makeup, ceremony, guestlist, reception,, bridal party is going to be different - that's because we ARE all different. So, long live the ability to make our own choices, have what we want, and be the brides that we are bloomin' well entitled to be!

And anyone that thinks different, is entitled to their opinions, but that's as far as it should go.

x

Hi everyone,

THANK YOU ALL ? it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way and that the HELL YEAH attitude is so popular.

This is OUR wedding and you know what, if I want a veil, I'm having one.

I really do appreciate you all being so lovely and supportive. It is a wedding, I am a bride and it's all good.

Anybody that tries to bring me down now may well find a copy of this thread handed to them ?

Thanks again ladies, I feel so much more relaxed now ❤️

xxx

I believe and I may not be the right person to say this but all I can tell you is to treat this wedding as your first. This is still your day, you and your OH's. This is both a first experience "together". whatever you decide to do, be it wearing a dress with a long train or a veil, a huge bridal bouquet, it is up to you. You both deserve to be happy.

Hope I made sense. Haha. Good luck and congratulations!!!

This - other than the big party, but it's big enough! We have 50ish adults and about 12 kids. I started off with the doubt and the 'what will people think'. I've been divorced for a number of years.

Had a recent change of heart over dress etc and thought why not!? It's our day, we're doing what we want. You can't please other people all the time so best please yourself and be happy, rather than regret and miss out. We put this on invites:

Our lives together have already begun and we have nearly everything under the sun
Your gift to us would be to come and stay at *VENUE* and enjoy our day
But for those who really feel the need, pennies for our honeymoon would be very nice indeed!

Note: we don't realy have nearly everything under the sun, but we have each other and enough to feel blessed ?

I am 27 and haven't been married before, (although I have been engaged before) but really wanted to reply to this thread.

You know you're marrying the right man, don't let anyone else's preconceptions influence you! Have the wedding that you and your fiancé want, not what people think you should have, or what you believe people expect of you. It's your day, do it your way! Have an amazing time planning it, and get excited, your getting married!!

Hello lovely,

Sorry to hear you are coming up against some obstacles with your second wedding. I really think you should ge ahead and do exactly what you want though to be honest. It's still your wedding day whatever has happened in the past.

I'm getting married to Mr McFarley this September and is my second wedding. Previously I was engaged at 19 and married at 24 and was a mistake and looking back I was young and had no idea what I wanted from life. Personally I have found that my thoughts towards my second marriage are much more "grown up". I look at Mr McFarley and know exactly why I am doing this and what I'm letting myself in and am so completely over the moon about it all. It's so lovely not to have any doubts at all I look at my first now as a kind of practice-run, lol. (sorry, probably shouldn't laugh!) What I'm trying to say is.... you shouldn't let anyone do you down about it being your second as we're doing this much more with our eyes open and knowing what's invlolved and we're still choosing to do it which must mean that it's right... if that makes sense! So if you want the big dress and the small amount of guests because that's what you want and right for you then that's what you should so. No one should be comparing this one to your first wedding at all as it's just not relevant.

I've not gone for the big dress this time round (didn't really the first time round tbh!) as like you I thought it wouldn't be "appropriate", but having seen all the lovely dresses the hitchers are having I am kind of wishing I was going all out big style! But I do so love my tea-length Honeypie creation too

Good luck and do whatever makes you and H2B happy

x

Sorry, I haven't read all of the replies, so this may have been said already. I just read your post and my immediate thought was "Why not?"

I'll be on my second wedding too. My theory is, the fact that my first marriage was such a trainwreck is even more reason to celebrate the fact that I've found such an amazing man this time round. Also, this may be my second wedding, but it's my OH's first. I've taken the lessons I learnt from my first wedding - giving in too much to other people, prioritising the wrong things, and I'm determined that this wedding is going to top the first by a mile.

Don't think that just because your first marriage went wrong, that's any reason not to be excited about your second. Just focus on the fact that the reason you're getting married again is because you've found an amazing person, who loves you and treats you right, and that deserves to be celebrated.

Exactly this.

Not doing anything to please other people this time. Everything is what WE want.

It's actually shaping up to be bigger and more expensive than either of us had first time but we don't care. And I'm having a proper dress from a bridal shop!

Exactly what Madam Red said as that's exactly what I meant and she has said it far more articulately than me! x

Well it's third time each for OH and me I also thought I wouldn't be be able to have a wedding with a wedding dress etc etc. WRONG lol. We're only having 28 on the day but it's the whole shebang and then a massive party when we get home ten days later. No one is questioning it as they're not being given any option lol. So go for what you want that's all that matters. 1st, 2nd, 3rd or even more -go for it

My second time round too. If we had the money we would be going full out, however our budget is small so scaling down. I am however having a wedding dress, veil and flowers etc