Second-time around, older brides

We went to a bridal fair in January and my daughter came along. The guy from the John Lewis desk started talking to her about her wedding and ignored me completely!!! He even assumed she was marrying my OH which is beyond creepy!!!

It's so not fair, is it, this stereotyping!?

We went to a vintage wedding fair and a jewellery lady asked OH about her wedding then turned and asked me about mine and I said "same date, same place" she asked if we were having a double wedding, so I told her we are marrying each other and she replied, wide eyed "GET LOST!?!?" we replied "..... excuse me?" gave her her leaflet back and walked away.

Oh oh, another example: when we were over in Spain picking our venue we got chatting to an old (English) couple in a restaurant, similar conversation to the above but the fella said "Oh how thoroughly modern of you" ... ?

Sorry I know I've gone OT a little, but you're right, if you don't fulfil the standard 25-year-old-slim-blushing bride with a prince charming on your arm, you are treated differently.

Complain- might score you some freebies

' dear sirs,

i write to you today to complain about the disheartening treatment i received in your store................. as much as i would have loved to have shopped with you, as i do very much like your wares, i fear the experience has jaded me to your store. can you guarantee i will not suffer this treatment again should i pluck up the courage to return?'

lol

SW that's awful!!!! It's why we've ordered most things online though - I haven't been to any wedding fairs and even though I was thinking I should, just for the experience, I'm almost definitely not going to bother now. We can't be the only non-stereotypical brides out there can we?!

No - in fact I'd wager that non-stereotypical brides make up the majority!

I'm a fully paid up member of the "it must be your daughter that's getting married" assumptions club. Got really quite grumpy at a wedidng fair. Some of the suppliers were lovely and asked which of us was the bride. Others just started talking straight to my daughter as though I wasn;t even there! We both put different ones straight! I walked away from one in the end I'd had enough and started feeling really depressed and upset. We live in a wonderfully diverse world where people of all ages and genders can and do marry other people of all ages and genders because we love them. There is no set model these days. OK, the majority may well be the young woman marrying the dashingly handsome young man - or variations thereof - but I do wish they would not make assumptions based on age or gender.

The only child we had with us today was my 8 year old son - I would guess they didn't think it was him getting married so why on earth would we be looking for wedding suits if they weren't for us?! I kind of understand the ring one but it still irritates me - I kind of want to make a general complaint to all wedding businesses to not make assumptions about the bride or groom but it may take me some time to write enough letters lol

We have also faced the same closed minded attitudes. I'm 43 my H2B will be 48. No we are not in the first flush of youth or indeed a size 10 but we are still looking to spend money!

So frustrating it really takes the shine off an wedding shopping adventure.

My Mum got married for the third time last year (it's actually incredibly romantic, she re-married my Dad, after 22 years apart, awww), and she never got any negative remarks. Nobody thought I was the bride, and my Mum got loads of lovely comments, when she told people how her and my Dad had got back together.

I went to my 1st wedding fayre with a friend, just 2 years younger than me, but a size 8 where as I'm a size 16/18. Every single stall assumed she was the bride!! Was really downhearted when we came out. Then another friend convinced me to try another and no one assumed anything and it was so refreshing and rested my faith!!

it really is bizarre and I actually think in this day and age, and in the business they're in - really disappointing :-/

xx

Older bride here too. I've not done the trying on of dresses or actively engaged in any wedding shopping that hasn't been on line as I just wanted to avoid any awkwardness. I have 23 and 21 year old daughters and one comment was enough for me, just the surprise that it was me enquiring and not for either of my daughters.

SW, I had a wry chuckle at the comment on being thoroughly modern, what a preposterous remark.

It's definitely out of order how they quickly assume things.

Don't worry though, it's their problem not yours..wouldn't let it put you off going to things if you want to..just give them a good dose of sarcasm back

I'm on the other end of the scale being a young 20 year old bride and I get comments which make me feel a similar way to how you are describing like 'YOU are getting married?! But you're just a kid....' Ummm.... No. Other 20 year olds maybe, but I've been in a stable relationship for nearly 5 years, been running my own home for nearly 2 years.... I'm hardly the traditional stereotypical 20 year old.

I don't let it bother me anymore and have put people down as just being jealous that I am so happy and can start my married life so young. I can't believe that people in different circumstances are made to feel like I did, especially by suppliers. It really is disgusting but at least you know not to give them losers any business!!! Just try and let it go over your head

We do so often confuse vendors ourselves.

I'm an older bride at 41, and he is a younger groom at 25.

I get laugh out of startling people and sometimes I think people are genuinely perplexed.

At the end of the day the power is in my hands - if you piss me off I will move on somewhere else.

I try not to take it personal.

Haha I'm a slightly older bride at 31, and even I've had some negativity because I'm not 25 and a size 8. Yes I'm old, fat and ugly - exactly why does that mean I'm not an equal customer. The majority of suppliers have been lovely though. I've never taken MF along to any wedding fairs, I'd like to see what the horrible ones made of him being so much older than me.

I'm 33 so slightly older, and it is my second time. Haven't experienced too much negativity, the thing that is annoying me is people constantly saying 'this time' or 'at this wedding'....trivial I know but I want to pretend the first one never happened!

I'm 43 and a second time around gal.....and some of the assistants in dress shops that I went into were trying to dress me as though I was 73 and (grand)mother of the bride. If I hear those words "you can always add a little jacket" one more time.....

Needless to say, my significant number of ££s did not go their way, but to an amazing shop that made me feel exactly as I want to feel - like an amazing sexy woman IN HER PRIME!!!!!

I'm 39 and a size 16ish, but people tend to say I look younger (although it's obvious I'm in my 30s) so maybe that's why I haven't had any grief. That said, I haven't really done any bridal shopping in actual shops - all online so far. Maybe that's for the best!

I'm 35 and OH is 30 - people always guess her at about 35 and me at about 27! Mwahahahaaaa! She hates it!

One of these days I'll wake up and everything will have gone south over night and i'll have swingy jowls ... until that day though ...

I say just own it, the vendors should just be happy for anyone who walks through the door!

So why aren't they?

I'll be 40 when I get married in 2016 and I haven't really started doing any wedding shopping yet, but when I do, my daughter (who will be nearly 22 when I get married) will be coming with me.

I'm kind of dreading it a bit now after reading these posts..

I'll be 63 when I get married next year.

Luckily I've not had this problem, must be really annoying! I'm 40 and have been treated no differently to trying on wedding dresses etc than I did when I was 25