Seeing my nasty 'FAT' bridesmaid 7 months after wedding?

I've never really been in your situation, but I think you should give her another chance. She's obviously trying to build bridges by contacting you about her pregnancy. If it doesn't go well, well then you've tried your best.

I contacted an old friend recently and it hasn't worked out. Only you can decide whether you want to try and rebuild a relationship with her but after what she did I know I'd find it hard to see past that. Maybe if you did meet up you can discuss how you felt by her actions and try to sort that out which might make moving on easier.

I've also lost contact with my brother (his doing not mine and my parents had also lost contact). My parents recently saw him again and my mum is just as upset because she knows things with never be the same again and he was just so cold with her. I've made the heartbreaking decision that I can't let the past lie and don't want contact with him again because I've found out so many things recently that makes me ashamed he is my brother. I actually find it easier not to see him again because if I was to see him it would remind me all the hurtful things he has said and done and I'd want answers for so many things which I know he'd never give me so I'm not going to bother putting myself through that. I've had 18 months without him in my life and the next 18 years can pass just the same. He has denied me of knowing my nephew and got married without telling us and now his wife is expecting another child all of which I found out through Facebook so hardly a nice way to treat family.

I hope you manage to decide what is best and be happy with it. Sorry I've ranted on and I doubt I've said anything helpful!

Hi,

i just read your original post regarding your wedding congratulation by the way, so this cbm!!! was she the one who tried to cancell your wedding venue?

did she say yes to being your bridesmaid when you asked her??

and to be honest the only person not turning upto my wedding cos their fat will be me if i dont shift my bum.

anyway back to your dilema, there is absolutly no way i would ever want to speak to that person again let alone meet up with her, being fat is no excuse, you looked past that and wanted her at your wedding and in your wedding photographs, and how dare she be rude to YOUR friends on YOUR hen night!!! and to top it off not even turn upto your wedding.

personally that is my opinion, it all depends on what kind of person you are, i would never be able to trust her again.

sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, but i would say to her that i dont think its appropriate to meet up concidering what has gone on and add in that you had a fab day on your wedding day, without her!!! but i am a ***!!!

Hiya ladies

Thanks for the advice... just to fill you in a little further... this was her on her wedding day 6 months before, and that's me being her chief bridesmaid.

As you can see - she is not fat, in fact she is stunning!

I think I might go and see what she's like these days... it's been 7 months since I really spoke to her. If it doesn't work out I'm no worse off... I will just carry on as I do!

Why do I still feel unsure then?

Claire xx

I couldnt see your pic,

your a bigger person than me for going to see her, i know i wouldnt.

let us know how it goes. or if you decide differently!!

lou x x

She's here on this link - https://www.flickr.com/photos/27349847@N06/3008023683/

Hi,

I have been in your situation before, I had a friend who we lived out of each others pocket when we were both single with kids. When I met kev things started to go pair shaped we had some massive painfull fall outs most of them proberly down to the fact that she did not want me to be in a relationship as it was taking the attention away from her. She tried hard and nearly split me and Kev up a few times but we managed to pull through. She also tried to stop me meeting any other girl friends. If I mentioned anyone I would have met she whould have a bad feeling/Story about them and advice me to keep away.

What I didnt realise when I was in the friendship was how one sided it was ie

• She did not have a car so id drive her everywhere,
• She did not have much money so I would sub her and then she would never mention it again.
• I used to babysit for her but she was hardly ever there when I neaded the favour returning.

Anyway long and short of it is ( and I promise I will get round to answering your question in a min) that we had a Almighty row and she almost managed to split me and kev up, not only this but as I had introduced er to my cousin and one other friend who I spent time with she tried to get them to fall out with me and spend time with her instead. This was so bad I ended up in councelling to try and fix me and kev and also to deal with the feelings of Low self worth and paronoia caused by this friend.

Sh tried to start talking to me again not long after we feel out but I turned her down then six months down the line I decided I wanted to see her as however much of a *** she had been to me we had some really fun times and good laughs. Also we both had kids who had really got on. So when I felt ready I got in touch we met up on my terms. Which went ok and we have stayed civil to each other but dont really go out together etc as things have changed so much.

I think my main advice to you would be this, If you really want to meet up then do it but do it on your terms/only do it if it will make you happy.Dont ever expect her to be a reliable friend and therefore dont allow her to much into the special parts of your life and therefore give her the oppertunity to let you down again. Make sure your in control of this relationship, If she brings up the wedding be ready to tell her how you feel and have planned what you would say to her therefore she we never catch you off guard.

Also have a snoop around before you meet up, is she really telling you about the pregnancy because she wants you to be the first to know? Or is she now feeling lonely and isolated and in effect using you for nher own gain.( sorry to suggest that but in my experiance it does happen).

Anyway dont know if what I said makes any sence as it is five in the morning and im very tired but whatever you do let us know how you get on.

X

Whata dillema this is for you!!!She really wasnt a good friend to you and then to turn up out of the blue and expect you to take up where you left off????

Im not that forgiving im afraid and id say shove it,you wasnt there for me and you badly let me down.Which she did!!!!Its always hard to get a friendship back on track esp when theres hurt feelings involved.Has she apologised for not being at your wedding?has she given you a decent explanation?

Lifes too short to be wasting tme and energy on people who just want to use you.Im sure you have lots of other friends who care and love you.

Hope you get it sorted xx

The only thing I can think is it would be a shame to lose a friend over your wedding, however in absolutely NO WAY am I condoning what she has done, she has acted appalingly and I would be furious, hurt and upset.

A so called close friend of mine let me know VIA FACEBOOK the day before our wedding that she couldn't make it. I was so upset and angry and I immediately blocked her as didn't trust myself to say somethingI wouldn't regret. A few days after the wedding, she contacted me and said she completely understood why I'd acted this way and she was sorry blah blah. In the end I decided that although I'd never forget how she let me down, I couldn't let one day ruin a good friendship. We are still tentative friends, but I'd rather that than live with the anger.

Probably not much help.

well if that is fat god knows what i would be described as (i wish i was that fat!!!).

if you think that you can salvage whats left of the situation then go for it, however if you feel that you are only going to get let down again then cut your losses, only you know what she is like and how forgiving a nature you have, one question i would have to ask is why now? has she been such a horrible person to all her other friends that she has none left? and is looking for some other poor soul to torture and upset? do you want to be that person? i would chat to your hubby to and see what he thinks.

sorry to ask but did she try and cancell your wedding?

As others have said only you know if you are ready to meet up with her.

I would be truely upset and if my friend didn't come to my wedding but what would make me angry is the reason , she felt fat is not good enough imo.

Having said that you really have to weigh up apart from your wedding obviously how she has been as a friend over the years.

True friends are something to be treasured and she'll know as well as you do , not turning up at your wedding when she had a part to play because she felt fat just doesn't cut it with friends.

I really hope you can work out what you want to do.

Thanks ladies for sharing all of your experiences!

No she didn't try to cancel my wedding, she tried to cancel the accommodation for her and her husband at our wedding (day before after the rehearsal and day of wedding) a week before. It was after cancellation date so we arranged that they would stay at the venue the night before which we'd pay for and then at my parents the day of the wedding (we ended up paying for both nights accommodation that they missed at the venue).

No, she'd never be that viscous I don't think. My other bridesmaid was the one who had the problems with all the weddings - this one just wasn't interested and then didn't turn up!

I've arranged to meet her on wednesday. I suggested a trip to Mothercare and lunch - neutral territory so either of us can leave when we want. I have 9 pregnant women to buy for at the moment so it's be useful for me too.

I'll let you know how it goes on Wednesday.

Claire xx

Wow! 9 pregnant women to buy for! Sound like my year last year when I had 5 :-)

I just wish one of them was me!! That's what I'm dreading the most - this girl's on number 2 now (the first one isn't her husbands - she told me this herself and the second is to rekindle their love and fix their marriage!!! ?) and she knows how much I want children with my H. One problem, my H isn't really ready to choose to have kids yet, if we had a happy accident then he'd love it but to actually decide to do something like this is a big thing for my H and this girl knows all that from our previous friendship...

I'm dreading the 'why you not pregnant yet?' questions... really, I don't have an answer!

Cx

If it were me, i would give her another chance

however, i think you are a bit off putting her photo on the net though