Selfish not to invite distant relatives and family friends?

Pretty much everyone will say what I'm about to:I It's your wedding and no it isn't bad to just want an intimate ceremony.

As your dad is not contributing, he has no "rights" where any of the planning is concerned, though it's up to you about taking his considerations into account and where you feel comfortable drawing the line.

I honestly don't understand this emotional blackmail culture that comes with weddings, it's insane.

I had a similar issue, for cost reasons and the fact that I'm not overly social, I wanted to keep the guest list small. I had originally planned that I would only invite people who I had regular contact with, this meant only one of my mom's 4 brothers would be invited. Naturally my mom was upset so I chose to invite my other aunts and uncles to keep the peace. This swelled the guest list (as OH had to have the same number of guests as me or his parents would kick off) by about 10 people. There's no guarantee they'll all attend, but I'm okay compromising with 10 guests.

Perhaps your dad will be satisfied with a similar arrangement to mine, because although I'm really not a social butterfly, my future in laws love to party. As the wedding is so small (and on a weekday) we are planning a reception party for the following Saturday where they are going nuts with the guest list. I'm not looking forward to it, but it makes them happy and I got the quiet wedding day I wanted. Plus it's much cheaper when you tell people it's a party!

So my suggestion is, have your intimate wedding abroad, and book a function room and buffet for after you come back and have a party with all the people your dad and in laws want to invite (and any friends who couldn't make it etc). I'd say it's a pretty fair compromise. You just need to set aside a small budget for room hire, a buffet and a DJ and buy some cheap decorations from somewhere like home bargains.

Best of luck x

This happens with every wedding. At least one set of parents think they have a right to control the guest list, whether they are contributing financially or not! My mum has done the same thing and wants me to invite 12 of her work friends. I have said they can come to the evening do, but she still isn't happy about it and it will definitely rear it's head again when the invitations are going out. I want my wedding to be just close friends and family, it's not really about the money as she has offered to pay the additional cost per head, but I'm digging my heals in.

I think you should do the same, they aren't paying for it so they have no right to dictate. It is you and your partners day, not your families day. Your paying so it's your rules! Offer them evening invites or give him a fixed number to invite but don't be bullied!

I don't actually agree with the whole "It's your day, do what you want" thing. It's also about your guests and them having a nice time and spending time with family. My mum had a half brother (who has sadly passed away now) who was 10 years older than her so I have half cousins who are quite a bit older than me and I barely know but I would invite them to my wedding (not really because I attended their weddings as a child) but for my mum's sake. I would probably draw the line at old great aunties and uncles.

We are inviting aunts and uncle's, no cousins as between us we have 6 aunts and uncles 10 including their respective other halves then 24 cousins. Our venue only fits 35, this is why we can't include cousins as there wouldn't be room for us if we did!

I had this battle.

I 100% lost this battle.

I wanted to have just close friends and family. My OH wanted to invite lots of friends and wasn't happy that I wanted to just have close friends there. My parents wanted to invite lots of their friends and family. My dad currently has more friends on the invite list than I do. My mum is jealous that my dad has so many friends on the invite list, that she wants to invite 8 of her co-workers from 1995.

I would like a wedding including 20 people, and the list is now 150 people. I can offer no advice as I just don't know what to do about this. My parents are paying 100% for everything. If I refuse their contribution, I am a terrible daughter who is trying to push my parents out of my life. If I mention that I have control over the invite list, I am a terrible daughter who is being selfish and horrible.

I'm not faring well on this whole wedding thing....

It's one day out of your whole life together. You won't have to see them again till the next family wedding.

If your parents are paying for the whole thing then I'm afraid there is little you can do, but if your paying yourself, it's entirely your decision in my opinion.

You could do a Marshall and Lilly? Elope and have a tiny wedding for you and then do the big crazy one for everyone else afterwards. Only one of them has to be "official".

I understand that your parents are paying so have certain "rights" but it's hardly fair that they all get to gang up on you and twist it into something you hate. To be honest, if I were you I'd just flat out refuse to go. It's a bit petty, but if everyone else is using emotional blackmail then I'd say it's fair game. Not a wedding if there isn't a bride. Technically they're being selfish as it's your wedding and they don't seem to give a crap about how you feel.

Or you can ask them to compromise and cut down the guest list a little, but I'm guessing you've already had and lost that battle. Could you compromise and have a small service with a big reception? Perhaps say, the getting married part is personal and you want to keep it between people close to you, but the reception they can go mad and have a huge party to celebrate. I can't see a reasonable person having a problem with that. Just let them know how uncomfortable it's making you.