sex before marriage

As sweet as it is, dont know about you ladies but i dont think anyones first time is good! In fact it takes a while before its good at all! When I younger sex was always a way of feeling closer to someone, loved and wanted. Its only really wow when you have no inabitions with the person. Which I think if youve waitied that long no naked-ness or anything wouldnt feel so comfertable? Being not of that camp thats just a guess-timate I must admit.

Personally I think its a big thing in a realtionship, the compatability in that department.

Big up the ladies / gents who do wait (god I know I couldnt) I only have to think of my h2b and I wanna jump his bones! hee hee

Anyone whos abstaining DO NOT READ "50 Shades" or "Bared to you" you wont stand a chance of making it! ?

Me and my oh are waiting till we are married to have full sex we still kiss and cuddle i just think it is soo romatic and the biggest gift we can give to each other our whole self but i know a lot of people think we are crazy for doing this we are not relegious either soo it just a pure choice

Bless that video- looks like they tried so hard!

Have you seen 'Foregtting Sarah Marshall' where the couple are on their honeymoon and are struggling in the bedroom! Very amusing.

I also wouldn't want the pressure on the night thats for sure-as someone else said I don't know of anybodies first time being 'good'. But these first times didn't happen in a relationship with the same level of commitment as marriage!

Are you both virgins?

I couldn't do it. I just don't have that kind of willpower! Xx

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Seriously cant understand why people do this!!.. i believe in god n tha but i would never do the whole sex before marriage thing!! in my opinion sex iss a big part of a relationship and i think you get to know each other fully and intimatly through sex so dont see how you can marry someone you havent experienced, like y marry someone you havent lived with becasue it can really affect the relationship!

as i would with a pair of shoes always always try befoe you buy, save the trip for a refund!!... xx xx

OH and I don't live together although he always stays at my house with my family, yes I STILL live at home and he pretty much lives here I guess but we've not lived on our own.

We'lll move into our first house the day we get back from Honeymoon. My Grandmother is so proud! I don't see this as a problem. If anything, we'll have that to look forward to after the wedding, like a brand new start.

I wish AJ was here- he would have gone to town on this.

*mourns old hitched*

I know. There was a thread the other day about whether someone should wear their glasses on their wedding day. That was always a classic.

What about smoking on your wedding day? Or Plus size brides? Or People who spend money on "fripperies" and forget the real meaning of marriage? Or Civil ceremonies? Or Halloween.....

I couldn't do it personally. I'm very much in the try before you buy camp too! Especially with the living together. I think the wedding would have built up the excitement of it then it would have been a total let down. To both the "deed" and the living together.

Besides, I remember my first time - and I would not want that memory to be part of my wedding memories! Yikes.

Urgh- first time sex is truly dreadful. I would not want that on my wedding night- tbh I was far too drunk to even take my makeup off let alone boff.

I will be asleep - it's looking like I'm going to be getting up at about 6am to start hair and make up because I'm getting married at 12noon, and if it was going to be our first time I'd be so pressured I'd probably end up sobbing in the corner ? as it is, if we do, great, if we don't, well, we're going on our minimoon the day after soo...

Iklelea, the reason some Christians believe that you should wait for marriage for sex is that certain passage allude to abstaining from sex till you are married, although no passages say this directly. However there are a number of passages which talk about avoiding sexual immorality. Sexually immorality in general is viewed as anything that is not sex within marriage. Probably the clearest passage is 1 Cor 7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. This passage is suggesting people should marry to avoid sexual immorality. Also in the book of Hebrews it talks about not defiling the marriage bed. Within Christianity the idea is that a couple leave their parents and come together as one flesh in a life long commitment (so not all Christians agree with divorce or would view it as a last resort and wouldn't agree with remarriage). Marriage has a lot of symbolism within marriage. The Church is described as the bride and Christ as the groom. Also again in the old Testament idolatory worship of other God's is allied to unfaithfullness and addulatory. Song of Songs in the old testament is a Love letter and it talks about not arousing passion until the right time. Christians are human and some believe sex outside marriage is wrong and some of those will fail if they find they have got in a situation where things have gone to far or further than they expected. Christians still are atracted to their boyfriends/fiances, however if they feel that way and have got in that situation God will forgive them.

For Most Christians sex is not the most important thing in their relationship. From knowing a number of Christians sex hasn't necessarily been great the first time, but with work and effort it has improved and become great. In case you are wondering I am a Christian and yes I had sex before marriage which I would say isn't great but hey I am human.

Similar to my situation. We are Christian and although we've done it a few times when our friendship was growing closer we have set strict boundaries since getting engaged and are abstaining. We aren't moving in together until we come back from honeymoon.

We both feel spiritually so much better since we have been abstaining and I can totally relate to it causing trouble and upset.

My friend got married recently and she didnt wait to do it, however she wasnt living with him. They moved in together after they got married. I also have friends who are waiting to have sex until they are married and others being the exact opposite.....it is completely personal choice of lifestyle. I personally didnt wait and I dont regret it, although my husband is the first man I have ever been with. It just happened though....we stayed together for lots of years and got married....I was 18 when I got with him...had just finished school. He was 26. I find it really romantic when people chose to wait though cause it shows strength, plus it reminds me of the traditional part of the marriage. If we had chosen to do it then It wouldnt bother me to wait. But then again I dont regret not waiting!!! Whatever people chose to do is their choice and nothing is a bad choice if you dont regret it and it doesnt upset you!

That is soooo sweet.Well done guys! That will raise the passion leading up to the wedding day lol! As I mentioned previously, I didnt wait until we were married but my husband was the first guy I ever slept with. My first time is one of the sweetest memories I have with him.... I know its not great, proper sex, but all the feelings and love I had for him at that particular moment can not be described....I havent got experience as I never slept with anyone else, but I enjoy my husband more and more every day, mainly because I love him more and more every day and I enjoy what he does because of all the feelings I have for him....it is the same from his side. Although I wasnt his first, he has always been saying to me that it feels like his first time because he has never ever really enjoyed it and has never ever felt this way doing it....soooo with us and our situation, we think sex is always gonna be amazing and passionate and feel good if you are in love with your other half.

My husband and I are Christians too! We were living together and had sex before the wedding but we went to our priest and he gave us a blessing because he saw how devoted to each other we were and what our intentions were. We live in the 21st century so that's how most people act these days, but it is not bad to keep the traditions either. I find it sweet! We got married in a Church and still felt things that cant be explained. And most people living together say that there is no difference after they get married....well isnt there? Because we are definitely feeling a differemce although nothing has changed in our lives....we can both feel a stronger bond, we cant explain it though lol. My favourite part is the letter of Paul to the Ephesians where it says that ''For the woman, the man will abandon his mother and father and will submit to his wife and they will become one body and one flesh together. And those that God united in marriage let no one ever separate....that gives me the shivers lol. Also the part that says: Men, love your wives the way you love your own bodies, just like christ loves the church. No man ever leaves his body without care. They always look after it. The same way look after your wives and love them. For a man who loves his wife loves himself.....that gives me the shivers too, always has (although on the actual wedding day i didnt even listen to that....my head wasnt there lol)

I understand why some people decide to keep sex within a marriage, and I understand why some choose to enjoy sex outside of wedlock.

What I don't understand is those who start having sex, or occasionally slip up, but have now stopped having sex until they are married? To me, this screams that they are hoping something will 'change' and sex will be better when married.

Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but marriage often chanes very little. You are still the same people, still the same team and with the same bits and pieces as before! Sex will be be exactly the same, just with rings on (your fingers! Dutty minds). If you are happy before you marry you will be happy after, if you hope being married will fill a hole in your relationship, it won't. You'll be left very disappointed.

I'm not religious and we didn't wait. My H is the first person I've ever been with anyway. I would never have had one night stands or anything, I really wanted it to be with someone special. Not too bothered what sex was like as much as how it is living together/how we fit together in day to day life and how we work together. If that didn't work out marriage sure as anything wouldn't.

Just a quick question though, if your H was bad (for lack of a better word?!) at sex or on the smaller side, would you stayed with him? I'm quite surprised at everyone saying what I he's bad.

My first time was pretty good. It wasn't a drunken fumble and we'd been together a couple of months and were madly 'in love', but it really was pretty good. It was his first time too. We were just vocal about what was and wasn't doing it for us, and we made sure he was 'seen to' not long before so it wasn't a 30 second jobby still wouldn't wait though. As I said in my other post, some people just don't learn. I know girls who have slept with that guy since and he's still rubbish ha ha. Poor bugger.

If I couldn't teach him what worked for me, or the other way round even, then yeh we would've split up. I couldn't have a sex-less relationship unless it was because of some sort of medical reason. I couldn't put up with being constantly frustrated and would end up resenting him, and if I knew I couldn't please him, I know I wouldn't be happy.

But you wouldn't buy a car without taking it for a test drive....

DuckyBum when someone choses to stop having sex or occasionally slip up and chooses to stop isn't in the hope things will be different after they are married. For Christians it is usually because they have a personnal conviction that God's ideal is for them is to wait until after marriage. If a Christain and I am not saying all Christians believe this that sex outside marriage is wrong and they are trying to please God then they will often try to abstein, it doesn't mean that the sex wasn't good, but the individuals may have feelings of guilt about it rightly or wrongly. I have to say I feel far more comfortable having sex now we are married and it is far better.

To those who said what if the person is no good at sex in general you work at it and if communication is good you will learn what works for each other. If you are not having sex you can still work out if you have good or bad communication, ie does your boyfriend/girlfriend listen to what you say and act upon it. As I said for me I am far more comfortable having sex since being married and it has got even better as for me there are no feelings of guilt and being married I feel I can make myself totally vonurable which I didn't feel I could fully before. The other thing is I want to satisfy my husband and he wants to satisfy me and so this also tends to make for good sex and again it is possible to work this out before your marry, even without sex.

The passages you mention are awesome Seaweed. Also like you we felt a stronger bond after the marriage ceremony.

The passages you mention are awesome Seaweed. Also like you we felt a stronger bond after the marriage ceremony.

Kharv to answer your question

yes we are both virgins

Fair enough - I understand that then!

I still don't understand abstaining if you've both had sex before though.

Friends of mine didn't have sex before their marriage, and they'd been together for a couple of years. They're both religious though and it was what we all kind of expected them to do. I actually think it is very sweet, but is not my personal choice.

I am in the try before you buy camp.

I'm also in the try before you buy camp. I also don't think I could cope with the nerves of losing my virginity on my wedding night, it would be stressing me out all day!

A friend waited 2 years to sleep with her boyfriend as they are Christian and wanted to be engaged (so they knew they would be married) before sex. She told me she wished she hadn't waited so long! of course, if they had slept together earlier and then split up she would feel quite different about it.