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Beginner February 2016

Should I Elope?

HappyBrownCakes115, 10 November, 2015 at 10:31 Posted on Honeymoons & Getting Married Abroad 0 6
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Hi All,

I really need some impartial advice on my wedding plans and thought this was the best place to start!

I've planned a holiday to New Zealand with my partner and we've decided to get married while we are out there. I was born in NZ and my dad was a Kiwi, so know the country well and it means a lot to me. After 8 months of trying to plan a 'proper' wedding (and getting no where fast) we've decided eloping would be the best option.

Both sides of the family have been unhelpful when we were planning a big wedding, with negative comments about location/church/guests and even the reception food. Because of this we have decided an elopement is what we want - it's about us, we're not worried about what the guests are doing/saying and we can eat what we want!

The problem is I have told my mum our plans (I couldn't have kept them a secret from her - she would never have forgiven me) and my mum got very upset and Has asked if she can come out to NZ to witness the ceremony. But my partners mum will never be able to afford to come out, and will want to if my mum is, which makes it very unfair. Also, having my mum there on the day is changing our very relaxed beach wedding then BBQ into a much more formal affair.

So what do I do? Tell my mum she can't come out because it's unfair on my other half's mum? Let my mum come out if she wants to? Or change my plans?

I'm really stuck here so any help would be appreciated!

6 replies

Latest activity by Lapland2015, 12 November, 2015 at 11:08
  • Lapland2015
    Beginner December 2015
    Lapland2015 ·
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    We considered elopement but chose instead to invite immediate family. Some cannot afford it and some just don't want to come including my FMIL so we are now marrying abroad and having a party back home. Is that maybe an option for you so the people who cannot witness it can see you in your dress?

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  • Lapland2015
    Beginner December 2015
    Lapland2015 ·
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    Also it doesn't have to be any more formal if you have a few guests, do it how you want to :-)

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  • H
    Beginner February 2016
    HappyBrownCakes115 ·
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    Yes, my partner and I have already discussed a party when we come back. We wanted it to be as close to a wedding reception as possible so guests could feel part of our wedding day.

    I've told my mum this and she a) still doesn't like the idea of eloping and b) still wants to witness me getting married.

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  • Jayne E
    VIP
    Jayne E ·
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    We planned a holiday also to Lapland. Husky mushing, snowmobiles, reindeer sleighs and the Northern Lights. A few months later we decided to marry there. Two friends of ours were already coming on the holiday. We didn't tell anyone we were marrying for months. Once we did people picked spots off what I wanted and the rest were either negative or totally unresponsive anyway. We also have a mix of people who wouldn't come if it was an hour away, want to come but can't afford it, too I'll to travel etc etc. we have stuck with our plans and I don't regret it for a second. People on the whole have accepted it even if they don't like it. It's OUR wedding, OUR time and what WE want.

    We aren't having a uk party as we are split up all over the country which brings us back to everyone travelling but it's a good idea normally and you can wear your dress again Smiley smile

    another thing is you could Skype the wedding so your mum can see if you prefer her not to come. You can also have your wedding videod so everyone can see later.

    you could also invite parents and who can come can come. However you are then stuck with them on your holiday/honeymoon too.

    6 January for me so not long to wait. Do what feels right for you.

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  • H
    Beginner February 2016
    HappyBrownCakes115 ·
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    You're situation sounds similar to mine; we are also split up across the country, which was why it was so difficult to plan a traditional wedding (that an opinionated family members!).

    Thank you for the advice, it's very helpful, especially the Skype suggestion.

    It's difficult as I don't want to upset my family, but I am so excited about the NZ elopement and I guess I'm disappointed my mum couldn't seem that.

    Best of luck for your wedding day - Lapland sounds awesome!

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  • Jayne E
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    Jayne E ·
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    Do what feels right for you. Everyone will come round. You could have the UK party and show the wedding video at it. You could wear your dress and keep that and video and pics a secret till the party or just let your mum shop for it with you. Involve her in the party or not. Have what you and oh want.

    Can't wait for Lapland. Thanks. I have about 8 weeks and lapland2015 has 7 weeks! We both marry in the ice chapel.

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  • Lapland2015
    Beginner December 2015
    Lapland2015 ·
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    It's such a shame she can't see it's what you want bt I would go for it anyway. It's your day and you don't want to look back with regret x

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