Should I invite someone to my hen do who can't make my wedding?

I would definitely invite her and let her decide if she would find it awkward. I don't see why she would. If she's as good a friend as she sounds I bet she would love to come to the hen so that she can help celebrate some of the wedding bits with you

xx

I would invite her, she is still your friend!

You're disappointed that you won't be able to talk about the wedding with her in the future, but you can still talk about what happened on the hen!

I'm really struggling to understand why you would even consider removing her name from your hen do list tbh. Just because she can't make the wedding day itself, doesn't mean you exclude your friend from your entire wedding celebrations full stop. Things happen, that's life, it is very usual to have people at the hen do or wedding that didn't attend the other event. Invite her for deffo.

I’d still invite her to the hen do – if I was the friend in question I’d feel like you were uninviting me to the hen do due to being angry about me being unable to attend the wedding. I’m sure she’d appreciate the invite!

Removing her from the hen do would be super insulting to her. If I were her and this happened, i'd question my friendships worth to the bride...

I'd invite her.

I would defo still invite her.

I agree with everyone else, I don't see why you would want to exclude her from your hen do - at least that is an experience you could share with her.

It sounds like it was a genuine mistake, unfortunate but not intentional of her not to be able to attend your wedding. It may be a cheap holiday, but you have to remember that it probably still cost a few hundred quid and while your wedding is your centre of the universe right now, it probably isn't hers. I can't blame her for not wanting to lose all that money and a holiday. It does sound like she did try to change it.

I would still invite her. Just think of yourself in that position if it was the other way round, how would you feel.

I think you sound very judgemental, how do you know it was a cheap holiday? Even if it was, it's up to her how she spends her money, what she spends it on and when she goes away. As it stands it sounds like she made a genuine mistake and has at least been honest with you. Why would you exclude her from you hen?

I'd definitely still invite her, she is probably just as disappointed as you that she can't make the big day but at least she'd still be able to have some celebrations with you at the hen do :-)

Just sounds like bad timing too me ? I would Still ask her for sure xx

I wouldn't expect a friend to lose money on a holiday they've booked to come to my wedding, if it was all booked in advance - and she seems to have been very apologetic.

I would invite her to the hen do - that way you have, as you say, a close friend still involved in an aspect of your wedding.

I'd still invite her, as these things happen, TBH I invited people to my hen, who weren't invited to our wedding, and they were fine. As for as I'm concerned, its nice for her to share one special event with you.

Id definitely invite her

This is such an odd query. Unless your peed off with her for booking a holiday there is absolutely no reason not to invite her.

You invite who you want to celebrate with. Barely any of the people I invited to my hen are invited to the wedding. Our wedding is small though.

If you want to remove her from the guest list then do so but be prepared for it to come across as a petty action from a strop.

This - 100%

Our wedding was mainly family and a couple of very close friends but my hen was made up of all the girls I knew. We had a great time and only three of them were invited to the wedding itself, although they all came to the reception.

If this was me and you would take me off the hen after I had apologised, I would seriously be peed off with you and think it was done out of spite * not coming to the wedding then not coming to my hen* attitude. It was a genuine mix up of dates, she has been honest with you, and if she is a close friend as you claim she is then you wouldn't even contemplate not having her there with you.

Thanks for the comments, it has been interesting to read them. To clarify:

- I know it was a cheap holiday because my friend told me she found a good deal. The holiday was booked after the Save the Dates went out.

- The hen do invites have not gone out yet so it is not a case of me inviting her and then withdrawing the invite. I have only started to mention the hen do to friends in the past couple of weeks.

- She doesn't know any of my other friends so it won't be a case of her being the only person from our friendship circle being excluded.

I wouldn't expect her to cancel her holiday to attend my wedding. What's done is done. I am keeping things in perspective; it is one day only. The wedding is very much on my mind but I don't expect everybody else's life to revolve around it. That said, I do think a wedding is an important life event in my life and anyone's life. A hen do is fun and a significant event but no way as important as a wedding IMO. I have told my other friends who have RSVP yes to the wedding that it would be great if they could attend the hen do but I would understand if they couldn't (budget, other plans, mummy duties). I would much rather they make the wedding as that is more important. Everybody who will be invited to the hen do are also invited to the wedding.

There was never an issue about whether to continue the friendship or not. I have suggested meeting up for lunch soon. My question was regarding the hen do and my reasons were stated in my original post. I have been invited to weddings but not the hen do and I haven't been offended at all.

I have to admit I have been surprised by some of the responses which have been somewhat bizarre and harsh. I have not reacted in a tit-for-tat manner, as a snub to my friend, rather for pragmatic reasons. I have accepted graciously that my friend cannot attend, I believe her when she says it is a genuine mistake, and I am not questioning the value of my friendship to her. If I did decide to not invite her to the hen do, as my friend, I would hope that she would believe me if I said that it was done without malice, and accept it graciously too. After all, isn't the hen do just one day?

I will take on board your comments of how it COULD look. I wouldn't want her to be hurt by this plus it would be nice to share some of the celebrations with her.

I would still invite her - it's disappointing for you that she can't be there to share your special day but she can certainly help you celebrate with your hen do.

The bottom line is, you've known this girl for 10+ years and you don't wanna invite her to your hen do cos she can't make your wedding ... does seem a little unfair

Id still invite her. i have a friend who books the same holiday each year (and it coincides with my date), i asked before sending an invite if they were already booked up (they are). im still having this lovely lady to my hen.

some responses seem to have been a little harsh. op made it clear she wasnt uninviting due to retaliation. wedding conflicts and issues arent something most of us (unless previous marraige) have dealt with before from the bride perspective. it isnt always easy to instantly know what to do.

Getting a good deal isn't necessarily the same as cheap. It just means it was a good deal for what it is.

Whether or not you would not want to invite her out of retaliation (I get that that is not your reasoning), I do think if I was your friend, that is how I would see it.

But if you've accepted it graciously, why would you choose not to invite her to the hen? She's a close, long-standing friend, who if she hadn't double booked for the wedding day would have been invited, despite still not knowing anyone. I get that you'd rather its the other way round but its not. If she decides that it'll be awkward then thats her call and by the sounds of it you wouldn't be surprised as you've had those concerns already, but I really cant fathom why you'd try and make that decision for her and not invite her.

I think the OP was just clarifying whether it would be strange to invite someone to the hen if they're not coming to the wedding. I think a lot of what she's said has been taken the wrong way.

OP - yes I'd still invite her

I think the OP was just clarifying whether it would be strange to invite someone to the hen if they're not coming to the wedding. I think a lot of what she's said has been taken the wrong way.

OP - yes I'd still invite her

Yep, this