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Beginner May 2021 Essex

Should i marry without any of my family present?

Marie, 1 February, 2021 at 20:07 Posted on Honeymoons & Getting Married Abroad 0 2
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As the title suggests, I am soul searching as to whether I can go ahead with our destination wedding in May 2021 (provided covid doesn’t cancel it for us AGAIN!). We have been together for 12 years, engaged for 4. We fell in love with the idea when we visited the hotel in 2014 and no UK wedding idea has ever come close since. We have rearranged this 3 times now btw ?


Anyway, so this post is all about how I have just found out my sister is pregnant and I am OVERJOYED for her!! I absolutely cannot risk her coming to Mexico due to the risk of Zika virus transmission. Whilst she hasn’t mentioned the wedding yet, her baby is far too important and I would never want her to take such a chance!!
I also have a much older brother who has said he will come but has never actually booked on. We are not that close and I feel like he would only have come to be with my sister as they have a closer relationship. I highly doubt he will book now in light of covid anyway. I also have another older sister who simply cannot afford to come, and I honestly hold nothing against anyone who cannot attend, as is often the case with weddings abroad! It’s just hit me that I would have no family there now, and I feel deflated.
I really don’t know what to do, I’ve talked about it with my partner and he said ‘don’t go through with it if you don’t want to, but I think it’s unfair on everyone who IS coming’. I totally feel for them of course!! But I never imagined she wouldn’t be there either. It just doesn’t seem right for me or my side of the family anymore, regardless of how long we’ve been dreaming about it.
If we postpone to 2022, I still wouldn’t want my sister to feel like she has to come and bring a 7 month old along! Also TUI haven’t cancelled yet so everyone would have to pay amendment fees if we change it now.
It’s just looking further and further out of sight and I’m really not sure what the point in a wedding even is anymore. I used to think it was about what it meant to the bride and groom, but in a post covid world the thought of being united with family and friends is much more appealing. That’s not the case for my fiancé though, but easy to feel that way when your entire family will be present. It’s his wedding as much as mine so all a delicate balancing act that I’m not managing so well at right now.
Has anyone been through similar or got any words of wisdom? Reality checks welcome too! Just need to make a decision, which is not my strong point....
If you made it to the end of this essay, thank you, well done and I would be grateful for your two pence!!
Xx



2 replies

Latest activity by Anita, 11 February, 2021 at 10:45
  • RomanticBrownStationery29719
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    RomanticBrownStationery29719 ·
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    Hi. Maybe I can give you a perspective. I am not getting married abroad but have family abroad that I worry won't be able to attend the wedding given the current state of things.
    If you dont feel right about a wedding without all your family then don't do it. I think you might have to decide between destination and having everyone there. Whats the priority? No judgement but when it comes to weddings hard choices have to be made.
    That being said if you choose to have it in the UK and people(friends, family etc) already booked flights for your wedding you maybe should offer to refund them.... I know this can be a lot of money but from a guest perspective I would be rather angry loosing huge amounts of money to go to a wedding and then the choice is made to not have it. Obviously different if travel is banned(which it might still be), but if you choose you should conpensate people really. If no one has booked jet then that's obviously not an issue. I personally wouldn't want to ho ahead without family and thats the main issue atm with the travel ban. But my family is Europe so flights can be booked last minute. As you are planning quite far away wedding you should let people know ASAP. After all everyone will have taken holidays and possibly continue booking things until you call it off. The realistic thing by the sound of it is that destination wedding in the next 2 years will mean wedding without your sisters and brother. Thats just it. So will you be ok with that? Is the question you need to figure out. You could always life stream if the location is super important to you. And also who says that in 2 years from now nothing else has come up stopping them or other members/ guests from attending? Life goes on for everyone and I had to reality check myself sometimes as a wedding is a big day for bride and groom but thats doesn't mean other people haven't got other priorities(and quite rightly so). Hope you find a solution but the way with destination wedding sadly often is that not everyone will be there. Good luck
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  • Anita
    Savvy September 2021 Surrey
    Anita ·
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    So, I can kind of relate to this.. I'm Canadian and I was due to marry last September but we had to postpone because of Covid. We've postponed until September 2021, and to be honest, even that still makes me a bit nervous because honestly, who knows what things will even look like at that stage... My mom, sister, cousin & her other half, and my best friend were due to travel to England for my wedding. Even if we go ahead in September of this year, its unlikely that any of them will make it.. My mom has major heart issues, and my sister has funnily enough also just told me that she's pregnant (and is having some issues!). So, if we go ahead with the wedding in September, I'll literally have NO ONE from my family there, and no bridesmaids (my sister and best friend were due to be my bridesmaids). That aspect hurts a lot, but if we have to do it, we will... and then have a huge party to celebrate with EVERYONE when the time is right.

    Here's what I would do in your situation... and the reasons for it. Think of it practically - Holidays of any kind are banned at the moment, and realistically by May, I don't think they will be able to go ahead - I'm really sorry to say that, it's just my gut feeling, especially for destination weddings. For peace of mind, for yourself and fiancé, your sister, and everyone attending your wedding, I would seriously consider postponing. Contact your venue / provider and ask what your options are. I wouldn't wait to do this, as I'm sure they will be getting a lot of enquiries from other couples as well. Reach out your guests and explain - they will most certainly understand, after all, it's YOUR wedding day. It gets complex if they've already paid for / booked their flights / hotel... but perhaps the hotel and airlines can simply change their bookings, given the current state of things. Worth a shot...

    Just think of it this way - if you're having these thoughts and are clearly worried, then your guests will certainly be thinking the same thing, wondering how on earth are they going to attend your wedding if holidays aren't even allowed at the moment.

    One of my friends was due to get married early May (in England) and she literally just told me yesterday that they've decided to postpone (for a second time!) for the safety of everyone. The thinking is that if they postpone, it gives more time for vaccinations to be distributed, and by the time the wedding finally arrives, people will be safe - and more importantly, the couple will be able to have their day how THEY want it.

    Best of luck lovely! I really don't envy anyone planning a destination wedding at the moment...

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