Should I postpone my wedding to avoid family conflict?

Sorry to hear all this. From what you have said it is your "sister" and her mum who are being selfish. Your reasons seem valid to me and to be perfectly honest I don't see how it takes from their day at all. People will be going to both it's not like they have to choose one or the other. The most I can see happening is other people might say it will be nice to see everybody again at your wedding, or ask how your plans are going. They will still enjoy the day. You might find that you spend more time wanting to make sure that things are different at your wedding to hers (I attended 2 weddings last year and I've ruled out certain favours as they had them at their weddings etc) But again that affects you and not them.

I would go ahead with your wedding and if they can't come to terms with it then they are not really as good friends as you thought they were. The fact that she upset you about MOH and stuff before your wedding announcement makes me feel she views your relationship differently to you.

It is sad that you may fall out over this but which would be most upsetting to you - not speaking to them again over this or something happening to your Dad before you get married if you do put it off. If that did happen would you not feel resentment towards them then which would affect your relationship at that time?

What does your mum say about it all?

Hope you get things sorted. Good luck.

I definitely wouldn't postpone, you checked with her that it was OK and she said yes! Your reasons are valid, she is being incredibly selfish, just because she is getting married does not mean everyone else should put their whole lives on hold (which you already have done). Once you move away, it will be you and your partner together in a new adventure, these people will rarely feature, so do not postpone your future for them.

Get married when you want and ignore her. Speaking as someone who's dad is no longer around to walk me down the aisle, I would give absolutely anything to have that.

If they can't understand that reason, then they are very selfish people.

You don't have a wedding year! That's not a thing! As long as you don't spend her wedding day shouting about your own wedding, or giving out invites, I don't see what her problem is.

Weddings are expensive enough without having to factor in flights and house moves!

I would seriously consider whether you would want her at your wedding, and whether you even want to attend hers any more.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but I think you are fully justified in feeling hurt. X

I'm going to say no, don't postpone your day. Quite frankly the idea of it being her year is ridiculous, she and her OH get their day, not a whole damn year. She was fine with it at first when you spoke to her alone so in my opinion someone wound her up and you should try and talk to her over coffee in a non confrontational way because otherwise you will worry, try and find a way around it. Maybe even say to her, it's one day, an amazing day but still just one day in our lives, is it with losing our friendship over?

I have friends who got engaged just before me and we booked our wedding before theirs, they get married August, we're April, two of our friends can't make both weddings from America and have chosen their wedding to go to in August. I'm not upset, they've known them longer, their invite came through first and tbf I'd come over in August instead of April if I lived in Texas. What I'm trying to say is there is no reason for her to be so upset, she should be happy for you like we are for our friends because that's what being a friend means, I mean it's not the same day or week so there shouldn't be a problem. Our friends have no problem that they've been engaged longer but we're getting married first.

I lost a friend who I had always imagined would be there on my wedding day, she was going to do my nails and make up, see me married, she passed away before she knew I was even getting married, a fluke where her meds mixed badly. She was in her forties. Life is too short, make sure she knows what she means to you and what both of the weddings mean to you, use my experience if it would help.

Good luck.

Do not postpone your day! I can't get over the fact she thinks she has a wedding year, I've got two family members booked weddings this year after me but having their weddings before me and that's fine! You do you, you don't need to justify your reasons for having your wedding this year but you have and they make sense. I'd be raging if they were my so called family friends, plus who on earth says something is fine and changes their mind the next day, NOPE.

I’ve just announced my wedding for a couple of months after one of my cousins… before I set the date it did cross my mind whether I should leave it until next year because this is “their” year, and they’ve been engaged longer than us and they got there first with the planning etc… then I thought - well, no. I’ve got several cousins (7 or 8) who are all around the same age, all in long term relationships and probably thinking about marriage soon… if we all insisted on having one wedding per YEAR then some of us would be waiting 7 years to get married! If you’d booked your wedding for a week after hers then maybe it would be more understandable that she’d be annoyed, but a full month later is fine. You can’t just put your life on hold for other people like that (and in your case postponing it would be even more of a disruption than for most people).

Also, as someone else pointed out, your wedding will not detract from theirs. That’s a ridiculous thing to say. Maybe it feels like it to them because they’re so wrapped up in the planning that it feels like the only important thing in the world to them, but that’s not how the guests will see it. They’ll go to your ‘sister’s’ wedding and have a great time, then go to yours a month later and have a great time.

Have you told them about your dad being one of the reasons? I’ve known a few people in that situation and that’s a REALLY important one. Imagine how you’d feel if you postponed the wedding for two years because of them and it meant your dad couldn’t make it. You can’t do that. They seem really wrapped up in themselves. Hopefully they’ll be reasonable and come round when they’ve calmed down. Could you get your mum or someone to talk to them and explain? But if they don’t then just concentrate on having a lovely day with the people who are happy for you.

They are being ridiculously unfair and selfish, and quite frankly delusional!

If they can't support you, they don't deserve to be included! I also would drop out of being bridesmaid!

Gosh! What a reaction, she is being a bridezilla. I think your reasons are totally understandable. There's nothing about your wedding that will detract from hers in any way.

I think you should proceed as planned.

I agree, I don't believeyou should move your wedding day and I don't see how your stealing anyone's thunder.

I'm in a very similar siatution to yourself, my actual sister has been engaged for over two years and due to money commitments and arguements, they've never actually got married. Myself and my H2B got engaged in October 2017 after a few months of discussing it. We agreed on the date of August 2018 and cannot wait.

We made jokes saying maybe my sister will now get married, but never in a million years thought they would. One morning I'm at work and receive a facebook message from my sister basically saying that her and her partner won't to get married, but hassle free. I was totally exicted for her, untill she mentioned that they've booked their wedding four weeks before ours. I was very hurt as I would never do these to any of my sisters ( I'm the youngest of 4 and we're the only two not married). She completely didnt care for my feelings when I expressed I was upset and replied to me saying ' She didnt beleive she's done anything wrong and won't be apologising'.

I replied to her to say that I would of been happy if she said it was three months before, but I think all she cares about is not being the last to be married.

Her reasoning behind getting married four weeks before me is because they won't have their children on that day???

First and foremost, NO ONE gets to have a 'wedding year'. That's quite possibly one of the most selfish and most ridiculous notions I've come across in regards to a wedding, and I've dealt with PLENTY of them.

You may need to reconsider the 'sister' relationship you have going, as it comes across as being very one-sided (you). As much as it sucks and can absolutely hurt, we sometimes grow away from others. Their places in our lives come and go and are usually there for key points for some universal reason; but it doesn't mean they always stay.

Your dad's health is of far more significance than the downright self-centred attitude of the 'sister' and mum.

Have your wedding, sweetheart. Enjoy your time with your father. Deal with your relocation and try to enjoy your marriage. Either she'll pull her head out of her bum, or she'll continue strolling along a selfish cow.

Thanks for your reply Flowers

Since then it has actually escalated - I've discovered that they view the whole thing as a competition and her Mum harbors A LOT of resentment towards both my Mum and myself. It's honestly ridiculous as her day is going to be absolutely fabulous, she is going to look stunning (I was there when she bought her dress and - WOW!) and her hubby to be is one of the biggest sweethearts I have ever met. I have also told my family that our wedding is not to be discussed AT ALL until after hers (because we're honestly not that bothered, we've been together a long time and already see ourselves as married).

She came back this week to say that she has cooled down and now wants to be a bridesmaid so I said yes and invited her to my dress fitting - at which she ended up throwing a strop and making the day all about her. She said that she can't be a bridesmaid now because I took her MOH position away (I asked my best friend to step in as she knew the whole story and was ALWAYS going to be involved whether as a bridesmaid or MOH), she said that she never said no (even though I read her texts back to her showing that she did) and she said that I made the whole day awkward for her (even though we all went out of our way to include her by letting her choose the lunch venue and all of us buying drinks for her). She and her Mum have this whole idea in her head that I have victimised her and I've learned that I am now the bad guy in this, no matter what I do. I was so stupid in spending the entire day making sure she was OK for her to pull this.

I'm gutted as we were very close however, as you say, she obviously views our relationship differently. The fact that they are making what is supposed to be a happy and exciting time an absolute nightmare just shows that I was completely wrong about all of it.

We have booked our date anyway and will have our Christmas wedding before we move. In the end, as long as my other half is standing at the top of the aisle, I'm not gonna notice who else is there.

Thanks for your reply Cakes, you are right.

We took a time out to think about it all and, from we move, we will be our own family.

Thanks Mrs Jones. xo

I really appreciate the advice and am considering pulling out of her wedding day. I don't want to detract from it and don't want to be standing beside her knowing she feels the way that she does towards me.

I'm honestly heartbroken but it is far more important that I spend my last few months here with people that I love, who love me back and who want me to be there. If the cost of knowing that my Dad will be there to walk me down the aisle is her friendship, then so be it.

I'm so sorry to hear that MetalBride, I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be for you. *sends air hugs*

I had tried to extend an olive branch however it was burned at the weekend and I feel that there is nothing I can do now to fix it. I'm gutted but, at the end of the day, I'll be marrying my other half - not them.

I hope that both you and your other half have an epic wedding day xo