Should we tell the vicar??

I think the "link to why you want to get married in that parish" is probably more important to the vicar rather than the fact you're living together, unless he really is a hard traditionalist.

Be honest - I'm sure he'd be more angry to find out after that you'd lied than to be given the truth in the first place.

If he does refuse I'm sure there is some sort of appeals procedure anyway.

Expect to be required to take 'marriage preparation classes' though.

In my experience, they don't really care if you live together or not.. My Sister had been living with her then Fiance for 7 years before they married and it made no difference ?

I think it is a little weird that you would want to marry in church when you aren't religious, I'd be more worried about the Vicar finding that out to be honest lol. You could quite easily pop the bouquet on their grave if you didn't marry in church but I guess it's upto you. I just don't personally think it's right to use the church for a religious ceremony when you're not religious.

I would just be honest, but i have to agree with BrideBrat. I dont really condone religious ceremonies if neither of you are practising.

I think it must be wonderful to find a couple who have such touching reasons to want to be married in a particular place and I suspect this might far outweigh any disapproval at the "living in sin" concept. Is it C of E? Aren't they pretty "right on" about these things? It's worth noting that I know someone who "appealed" and was refused - vicar has final say, at least in her parish.

Thanks everyone for the advice (and such quick responses!). Honesty is always the best policy I guess - I'm still nervous that it may hinder our plans but I really believe that everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be then it'll work out and if not then i'll make other plans. Please keep your fingers crossed for us tho!

I appreciate the views for and against religious ceremonies when you aren't practicing - I didn't go into our specific details as it wasn't the basis of my original question, but just to clarify (not to start a debate) - when I said "not particularly religious" it was more of a throw away comment in that we aren't regular church attenders etc and I couldn't hand on heart claim to be a "religious person" in my day to day life, however I suppose there are more ways to live a good life than visiting church. We are both CofE christened and were brought up regularly involved with the church in various ways. We both believe in the sanctity of marriage and want to be married in church for that reason too, in the eyes of God - but yes, being honest, the most important thing above all else is being able to bring close his parents on the day when they can't be there in usual ways.

Thanks again for all your advice,

Cheers everyone x

I don't think you'll have a problem considering that not only do we live together but I am also divorced ? and the vicar agreed to marry us (hooray)

HTH x

MrsFoster2B - on the basis of your last post, I can't see a vicar having an issue with you living together before marriage. He or she will want to be sure of your love and commitment to each other and to God, rather than who sleeps on what side of the bed.

Definitely better to be honest and upfront.

I'm sure the vicar won't give two hoots that you're living together! In this day and age it's a rare thing for couples not to live together before getting married. My OH and I have been together for 16 years and have a 2 year old, who we had Christened straight after our wedding ceremony, so clearly some pre-marital hanky panky had occured at some point! Our vicar just wanted to know why we'd decided to get married after all these years and not done so before.

Our vicar wasn't bothered about us living together, though as AJ said we are going to a marriage preparation day - I think thats a good thing though as its not just the vicar who will be there but a legal representative and marriage councellor etc so I think it will be a positive thing. My friend got married in a church last year and she has lived with her husband (as he is now) for many years and they have two kids so I don't think it will be a problem.

I told my vicar that I was living with my OH becuase otherwise I would have to arrange banns at 3 different churches (kill me!) so yeah! lol x

Aww thanks everyone! Really put my mind at rest! Very stressful and i've not even started the planning bit! haha. I'll let you know what happens in the new year once i've been to the church.

If anyone has any examples of the questions they were asked then feel free to spill the beans... I've heard everything from just needing to fill in names and addresses on a form with one of the clergy and getting put straight in the diary, to having a full interview and then attending wedding preparation classes! I'm sure it varies from church to church but it's interesting to hear of people's experiences.

Thanks again x

Hey and welcome to hitched!

I wouldn't think you would have a problem, here are the rules:

https://www.yourchurchwedding.org/youre-welcome/more-churches-to-choose-from.aspx

I think that under the following rule you should be fine:

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months

Our Vicar hasn't asked whether we live together or not, although he would know from the address details we gave but I don't think it is an issue these days.

We are also in the same boat as you - whilst I wouldn't say I am not religious, I am not a strict practioner to the point where I follow all of the churches principles. That said, our child will be christened and I probably attend church once every few months now. It used to be twice a week up until the age of 16.