Sister or best friend for maid of honour ??????

Congratulations on your engagement and welcome to Hitched ?

My choice was a bit easier because I have two sisters, so I chose my best friend so one sister wouldn't feel left out.

Is either your best friend or sister already married? Traditionally, maid of honour means someone whom is already married whereas Chief Bridesmaid is the term for an unmarried woman. If one is married and the other isn't, could you have one as maid of honour and one as chief bridesmaid?

If not, then I would just go with who you think would be more helpful with planning and stuff.

Welcome and Congratulations

Your OH is right - do what YOU want, don't be pressured or swayed by others to do things/make choices that are not what you would make.

Personally I think your friend of 24 years is probably the right person for your MoH. Think about the duties of MoH would you want your friend or your sister doing them. Who would you trust to help you make the right decisions and who will be there for you when you have a wobble. Who will either fully organise or significantly help organise any hen do you might want and do it with you in mind? This might help you confirm who it should be and also help you respond to your mum when you've made the decision. If both are equally close and would do all these things - then you could have the other as Chief BM, if you're having other BMs. Then MoH would then look after you, the Chief BM would look after the other BMs. Perhaps one way of keeping the piece

You have 18 months to go so don't have tomake those decisions now anyway and perhaps that's a way round it too. Tell your mum you're thinking things through very carefully.

Good luck!

I don't have a sister. But if I did I would have her as my MOH over my best friend. She's your sister after all! Or to save any hassle dont have a MOH or chief BM. Just have them both as bridesmaids. When my cousin got married she just had 6 BMW, no MOH or chief BM.

I don't think this is correct. Maid of Honour is unmarried, Matron of Honour is married

https://www.debretts.com/weddings/wedding-team/bridesmaids/chief-bridesmaid

I stand corrected haha. Thanks.

If it was me I'd just ask them both to be bridesmaids and to share the duties together - two heads are better than one! That way no-one is feeling left out (or left doing everything!). Then when it comes to the actual wedding you could ask someone else who you'd like to be involved somehow, to sign the register as a witness. Again your not picking a favourite out of the two bridesmaids... That's how my OH is dealing with his two best men!

I wouldn't pick between the two. There is no rule that says you must choose one to be MoH. Just have them both as bridesmaids, that way you don't offend anyone.

What was your Mum's thoughts on it? And what does she think a MoH does that a BM doesn't?

I had a very similar situation. I have 5 bms including my sister. I wanted my best friend to be MOH/CB but my sister and mum wanted her to be... I thought a way around it would be to ask my sister to organise the hen but have my best friend involved in all the wedding decisions, decorations/dress etc (which has just happened naturally). I asked my sister to do the hen, with the intention if all went well i would (to please my mum) ask her to be CBM...it HAS NOT gone well (see my other thread...) my sister and I are barely talking and I have now told my mum and best friend i won't be having a CBM at all as its not worth the hassle....

I'd say depends on your relationship with your sister, unless you are really close (me and mine aren't) then you could be setting yourself up for trouble. Your best friend is your best friend for a reason....

I've been trying to please everyone but it really hasn't worked!

As somebody who has their sister as MOH, at the expectation of both her and my mum I would say think very very carefully before you commit to anything. At the time I was happy with my decision but it is turning out to be the most painful thing about wedding planning. It's caused massive family arguments and we're barely speaking. She's been awkward about every little thing I've asked and I just wish I could go back and start again. I can't now tell her she's not my MOH as that would probably result in none of my family being at my wedding. Sorry not wanting to be the voice of doom, just think carefully about who knows you best and who will help you the most.

If you don't want to offend, as others have said, just say you're not having a MOH. Have two BMs and ask them to split things like the hen do between them. Good luck!

Congratulations!!! My advice is do not reveal anything about or to your bridesmaid until much nearer the time when you will need them. Originally I was going to have my best friends but since we first started planning all our plans have completely changed and I'm now having both my sisters. I'm not having a moh either I'm having them both the same x

I dont have any sisters, but have 2 Best friends - both are being awarded rank of 'bridesmaid' no MOH, no CB. I'm only having the 2 of them and didn't want to choose one over the other as they're both equally important to me. I expect only one will sit on top table as the other has a little girl (Flower Girl) so she will sit with her leaving the other one on TT.

Remember friends are the family we choose for ourselves and if she's been your friend for 24 years she's obviously doing something right. My feeling would be that if neither is jumping out at you as the clear choice, dont differentiate and just let them both share duties equally

Sorry you're going through this, but it's strangely reassuring to see i'm not the only one in this situation!

Whoever is going to support you best, represent you best, give the best speech, be able to manage other bridesmaids, and be your eyes and ears and make decisions on your behalf ... it's a job, simple, it's whoever is most qualified for it (of course MOH goes to the person closest to you, but in this situation where you can't chose between two, it comes down to skills!)

I had three bridesmaids, didn't have an official Maid of Honour but one of them was my "chief" bridesmaid (she walked out with the best man while the other two walked together, and she sat on top table, that's about it!) I chose my friend to do this because I am closer to her and felt like she knew me better. I love my younger sister, we get on really well, but there is a 4 year age gap and we don't always see that much of each other since leaving home, so it didn't feel "right" to promote her just because she was my sister. Plus she had Finals a couple of months before the wedding and then moved out of the UK, so I thought she could probably do without the added stress!

There's no real need for a MoH or any kind of seniority really, especially if you're only having two, so you don't have to choose at all if you don't want to!

Thanks, I know what you mean. Every story I see about awkward bridesmaids, family fallings out etc I think I'm glad it's not just me although I feel awful for everybody who has to go through it. From speaking to friends, colleagues etc it seems very few people come through wedding planning without some upset, it's just hard when it's a supposedly close family member you thought you could rely on doing it.

Sorry OP no help to you at all, not trying to hijack your thread ?

Thankyou so much everyone! I think I'll jus keep quiet for now! N see how everything goes once we get nearer to the time! I couldn't believe that the hassle had started already! It's good to know am not the only one tho! I like the idea of MOH and CBM! As my best friend is married, and am having another bridesmaid (a younger cousin and my 2year old daughter as flower girl) so If I use the two titles my mum can't complain then as i know if I jus have them all as bridesmaids the first thing she'll say is your sister should be more of an important role! Bloody hell! This wedding planning is hard work already! I was very nieve and had made the comment before being engaged saying it'll be my day I'll have who I want there n won't let other stress me out! Ha! On a positive I'll defo be losing weight! Stress is great for my figure! ?

Ah as you are having another bridesmaid, I'd say your best friend as MOH and sister as CBM

Totally up to you as it is your day, just remember that

I have 5 bridesmaids and won't be chosing!

Do you need one?

I've got my sister and best friend too but neither of them are my maid of honour, they are both just my bridesmaids!

Same here :-)