Sisters Boyfriend

My sister was recently MOH for her friend and her boyfriend wasn't on the top table with them. He wasn't too thrilled about having to sit with people he didn't know though! I've also been a bridesmaid and on the top table and my OH was sat elsewhere.

Does he know anyone else at the wedding that you can sit him with? If so then at least he won't be on his own and it shouldn't be an issue.

I'm with you on this one! Don't worry, there's always someone who will have an opinion that differs from yours!!

He's more than capable of getting his own buttonhole if he wishes to have one. Especially as he isn't a groomsman.

Also, it is awkward when people don't know others, but really, they'll only be apart during the ceremony & meal. There's the time during the photos (between the ceremony & meal) for them to snatch a moment or 2, if necessary. Would it be worth trying to have him sat with the best man's partner, at a table close to the top table (not on their own, but with others)? Has he met any of the family? Is there anyone he could be introduced to before the wedding?

I have an issue with the separating partners thing, although I do understanding ever so slightly more if they don't know others at the wedding. I would personally put him on the top table. If he, your mum and your sister are going to be upset with you, I am sure you would rather just have him there. Maybe organise a time to meet him soon and you may feel differently?

I agree, he shouldnt be sat on the top table & if he isnt part of the bridal party, you shouldnt have to organise his buttonhole. If he doesnt know anyone else at the wedding, it makes me wonder how long they've been seeing each other & if its serious or not. If its not that long, she's lucky you're inviting him. You're not being unreasonable at all. Stick to your guns girl!

I know it's tough to not sit with your partner at the wedding, and I'll probably be disagreeing with the majority but I wouldn't put him on the top table. You and your partner clearly don't know him and haven't even met him! I think it's weird that it'd even be considered. You didn't mention how old he is but surely he's more than capable of talking to people he doesn't know for a few hours?

My best friend is my MOH and her boyfriend isn't getting a button hole or a special seat and he will know no one else there.

Top table is for the special people in my life.

I got a buttonhole and a seat on the top table at my OHs brothers wedding though. My OH wasn't best man either.

You are perfectly justified in your response. My brother isn't at our top table as he's not in the main bridal party with a toast or speech etc. Our ushers aren't even at the top table. My OH's sister is a bridesmaid and her boyfriend has been around for 5 years...he isn't on the top table....these people understand that for the meal part of the wedding they will be at a table with some people they don't know...but that's the point in table plans, you meet people and chat, plus half of the time you're sat down you are eating, the other half listening to speeches. Remind your mum it is your day and stick to your guns. To stop any fuss and making the longest top table we are having the parents, best man, and bridesmaids, and us, that's it...you could always have a sweetheart table and only you and the groom are on a top table, then have the bridal party on a table next to you instead....! Good luck!

They've been together for a year but they live in London and were in south Wales. He also is on tour for 80% of the time sometimes over he world so that's why we haven't met him.

I don't mind getting him a button hole I just don't want it to be the same as the groomsmen.

As others have suggested is there any way you could meet and introduce him to others before the wedding?

For this reason and others, we're planning on just having us and our parents on the top table, with bridesmaids and the best man on the closest table to us, is this something you'd consider?

I also wouldn't buy him a buttonhole, or really want him wearing one tbh. I'm also sure he wouldn't be expecting to get one, so I wouldn't really worry about it.

I think you should look at the bigger picture.

This is your sisters boyfriend how would you feel if she did this to your OH?

Just have them sitting together, give him a buttonhole.

I think your being abit mean tbh.

Could you perhaps just put this decision to one side for the time being, perhaps telling your mum you will think about it again nearer the time? As it is just over a year until your wedding you could see how you feel nearer the time and also perhaps in that time he might get to know some others who will be at the wedding and then it wont be such an issue to sit him elsewhere if that's what you decide.

Ive been to two weddings where OH was sat at top table and I sat with people I didnt know......I dont see the issue. Im sure he will be fine, try to sit him with others that are on their own or couples that dont know each other. That way he will have people to talk to and it wont be a cliquey group.

Stick to your guns Hun!

No way would I have someone I didn't know at my top table! If its such a problem for him, I would have my sister sitting with him but not at the top table. I think your Mom is just trying to keep everyone happy, but it is your day not everyone elses. The boyfriend may not even care about not being at the top table, what has your sister said about it?

My MOH's partner will be on the top table but they've been together for 6 years, I know him well, we've socialised together as a couple (and he won't know anyone else at the wedding). I would also feel very strange about having someone I didn't know on the top table when there are other people I would rather include. However if he doesn't know anyone else at the wedding I would also feel sorry for him and not want him to feel uncomfortable. Is there any way he could get to know other people before the wedding so that he doesn't feel uncomfortable sitting with them?

If you dont know him then tell them to shove off... does any of your family know him? (other than sister)

If hes met the family before hes bound to know someone, my OH toured the world but he still met many of my friends/family during the first year

I agree with you wholeheartedly on one point, but not the other.

At our wedding the only people with button holes were the groomsmen and my brother (who walked me in). Even the dads didn't get them. Button holes are for wedding party only in my opinion, so he can go without. Or, if he wants a button hole he can get one himself if he really wants to, but I'm kind of doubting it's him that wants one.

As for seating him apart from your sister, I don't agree with that. I would never split up a couple at a wedding, especially if one of them doesn't know anyone else. Fair enough you don't want him at the head table, but if it were me I would then seat your sister and him at a nearby table with other close family members. There's nothing worse than sitting through a wedding meal at a table with 7-9 complete strangers. The meal lasts hours and I don't think it's fair. (For me, anyways. I wouldn't handle the situation well if it was me, even though I'm an adult and apparently should be able to according to some people. I would be sad, very quiet, and extremely lonely.)

I'm going against the vast majority here but I don't like couples being separated. I understand why people do it but don't like the idea of my guests feeling awkward. I was separated from my partner at my sisters wedding but he was sat with my family who he knew. If he hadn't known anyone I would have felt uncomfortable knowing he's going to be on his own. The only way round it is to introduce him to someone he'd be sitting with beforehand so it's not awkward on the day.

I will never understand why grown adults can't spend a few hours and socialise away from their partners

meeting new people and socialising is just a part of life...

I think is quite sad that people struggle to have a good time without their partner glued to the hip!

i personally think you should stand your ground there is no need for him to be sat at the head table... But if it is such a big deal why can't your sister sit with him at a different table near the head table so they are not separated!

I personally have chosen to do away with the head table due to the fact I couldn't be bothered to deal with this! I'm sitting the bridal party with their respective partners some of them myself and Oh will share a table with!

My top table wasn't traditional in that I didn't have BMs and Best men as we didn't want to split them up from partners - wanted them all to be comfortable.

I'd say no to buttonhole - think that's ridiculous but remember it came your mum and not him

Where he sits - tell you sister she can sit with him at another table and you'd be very content if that's what she wants to do

On the flip side.... My OH is a going to be bestman at his friends wedding next year... I wont know anyone there however I'd feel really awkward if I was invited to sit at the top table!

the thought of a whole room of people I don't know sat watching me.... Makes me break out in a sweat!

If I had to sit at the top table of somebody I barely knew, and not even be part of the bridal party I would feel so awkward.

OHs brother is best man at our wedding, their mum insists best mans's girlfriend is invited to the day - although iv only met her a handful of times. The only people she knows will all be sat at the top table. She will be sat elsewhere. I wouldn't dream of having her at the top table and if it was even suggested that she was...I would seriously put the foot down.

As for the buttonhole, order him a standard one and that way you got him one, just not as nice as the main bridal party.

I am genuinely shocked some people feel couples should always be sat together. Have some independence and chat to a new person for a few hours - they won't bite!

No to a button hole - he'd probably feel really awkward being given a groomsman buttonhole.

I'm not one of those people who is glued to my partners side but I think asking someone to sit on a table with no-one else they know, particularly if everyone else knows someone, is making a situation uncomfortable for them.

In an ideal world you think the boyfriend should just talk to people next to him but I have been to a number of weddings where I have tried to do this only to be met with stony silence or someone just chatting to the person they are with.

I think it depends what is most important to you. It is your day so put people where you want and let them sort themselves out but to me I wanted to know my guests would enjoy the meal because they themselves already felt relaxed.

Reading the replies here I am confused about the button hole issue. Where I come from everyone (most traditional people anyway, put it that way) would get a button hole or corsage for a wedding, from the florist most likely. Therefore, it would be normal for a non wedding party guest to wear one, and I doubt anyone would notice or bat an eyelid if it was the same or different to anyone elses.

For my wedding my aunt made my bouquets and flowers and she also made up a number of buttonholes, ones for all the bridal party, in fact she made enough that all the men in her family got one and there were a few spare, so some uncles and cousins on the other side got one too. The only one that was different was my groom as she added a diamante in his rose to match my bouquet.

As for the top table, i would never have a person i didn't know or barely know or wasn't part of the wedding party at it. If it means that much to your sister I'd let her sit with him at the nearest table to the top table and just not have bm's at the top table. OR he can man up and sit with close family and chat to them and get to know them, sounds like it's about time.

Also as someone has mentioned its over a year away there is absolutely no point in stressing over this now, anything could happen, he could get to know people or he might be out the window.

If your ticker is right, then I'd wait til a bit closer to the time to make this decision ... you'll have met him and possibly have a relationship with him by then? Don't stress over the finer details at this point, save it all for the last 3 months ?

Thanks for all the replies. I was a little pissed off when I wrote the thread but fine now. Just wanted some opinions! And take all that you have said on board.

I think my mum is trying to keep my sister happy without actually speaking to her about it
.. she's good at putting her oar in things! X

If I was in that situation, the sister would be on a regular table with her OH.

As much as I'd be fine to sit away from my OH at a wedding, if I didn't know anyone else on that table I'd feel really uncomfortable.

As for the buttonhole situation, if he wants one he should sort it out himself.