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Anonbride
Expert July 2023 Cornwall

Small guest list awkwardness with a and b list people in the same social grouo

Anonbride, 7 of January of 2022 at 22:13 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 5
We’ve just booked our wedding venue for 50 people. We’ve decided not to invite aunts and uncles, and not get bogged down in “if we invite x person we have to invite the whole group”, which I do want to stand by…


We’re about to send our save the dates (18months in advance as it’s a sort-of destination) to what we’re calling our A* list of 42 people, so they can potentially book accommodation now, leaving 8 spots to decide upon about a year or so in advance. However, some of these A* people are in the same friendship groups as our B listers and in some cases even live in house shares with each other. I feel like we need to be prepared so B listers don’t expect invites or know what to say or people ask us where their STD is… how have people handled this situation? With definite B listers and also undecideds who might make it onto the A list?
P.S. Already having to deal with this on the family side as FMIL not keen on aunts and uncles not being invited and seems to think 50 is plenty of space for everyone she’s ever met so is even making FH feel guilty about not inviting her friend’s kid who he’s not spoken to in years but pparently is gonna be inviting FH to his wedding 🤕

5 replies

Latest activity by Anonbride, 9 of January of 2022 at 09:52
  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    If anyone knows how I can edit the typo in the title that’d be super too! 🙈
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  • Karisma
    Savvy March 2023 Kent
    Karisma ·
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    Hello,

    I am in predicament similar to this with only 50 guests, today we sent save the dates to everyone on the A-list and I have made "save the evenings" on Canva to send on whatsapp to B list family members (and also family members who will only ever be evening only) so they know they are invited to the evening reception and not the ceremony (and hopefully will avoid the awkward questions) . I will also write a little message explaining that we are having a small wedding and say something along the lines of "if circumstances change we would love for them to join us for the whole day, but unless that happens we can only accommodate them as evening guests". Not certain on the wording yet

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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    That’s handy that you’re able to add more for the evening! Our venue has a 50 person ceremony and reception package so not sure we can add evening only guests…
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  • Karisma
    Savvy March 2023 Kent
    Karisma ·
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    Ahhh I see! Sorry I assumed it was 50 day guests 🙈 Hmmm I guess you will just have to tell everyone that its 50 people only and maybe have a little party sometime after to include everyone?
    With people who have the potential to be invited, just talk to them and tell them the situation. Tell them you would love for them to be there, but at the moment it isn't possible and if it does you will let them know. You don't have to mention that you have 8 spots left and you are deciding who gets them
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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    You have made me think I should ask the venue about the potential for evening only guests 🤔 But our venue is a good 5hrs away from where most people lived so I feel like it’s a bit harsh to do evening only… e.g. we just went to a far away wedding where we were only invited to the reception, hadn’t realised the didn’t mean the whole reception and just the dance, and it did feel like it cost us a lot to get there and stay overnight not to be part of the meal/see the speeches/etc. …so I’m feeling like as we know people will be travelling far they should be invited to the whole day really. But equally I’m so new to weddings I don’t know what the done thing is! 🙈


    I’m now thinking I’ll write a little message on our wedding website saying it’s v small so everyone who gets a STD is looped into the situation maybe… we wanted it small and intimate for a reason so guess we’ve just got to stick to our guns on that 😬
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