SO MANY dreams, but, which ones REAL?!?!

I think it's just a case of going to see lots of different venues and seeing which one feels right. Everything else will start to come together once you've found the venue.

I think at the start it all feels a bit overwhelming. Have you been able to chat to your H2B about what he would like as well? Are either of you religious etc - factors like that will also dictate your eventual venue choice. You might be able to narrow it down? From there you can start looking for venues and I think you'll find it all starts falling into place nicely. Good luck!

I had two dreams - the tipi festival wedding and then the low key, understated retro wedding. The tipi wedding is something we both wanted but it was going to cost over 10k and this is money that we will probably never have (we are trying to save for a house deposit too!). So needless to say, we went with the low key retro wedding in a hall, but I have my church and photos in old ruins so it's still going to be something unique. I think the temptation is there to have all sorts of things but the main thing is being true to yourselves and as a couple - how would your wedding show who you are? Both our "dream" weddings are very us and our retro wedding definitely shows who we are as a couple and our friends and family just laugh when they hear our choices for things as they wouldn't expect anything different.

We both agree that the vows will mean the same regardless of where they're said, do, in a way, that's even less helpful!!! A lot of people that think like this, just go for the most basic version of a wedding, registry office an a pub or something, but i cant see why you WOULDNT have a big day. Not religious particularly, but was christened, so not averse to the idea either.

My OH doesn't honestly mind what we do, he says he trusts me to get it right, and make it nice.

We've started looking (north Scotland isn't the biggest choice of venues) and we thought we'd settled on a lovely hotel in Edinburgh. There's nothing wrong with it, it's lovely. But, I'd never imagined getting married in a hotel (in fact I'd always hated hotel weddings...bit like a conveyer belt) but now if I picture myself there, I know I can make it GORGEOUS, but its still not what I had imagined. But I've imagined everything else instead!!!

I just don't want to get pulled along with this one option if it wasn't really what I'd wanted.

does that make any sense?!

I've thought Tipi too, but you're right, ours would be about £7000.

Would love to do something like you are, in a hall or something, but all our guests are travelling 500 miles from London and the south west, so we need somewhere where 50 people (probably most without cars) can get accommodation.

#nightmare

how long before you start thinking about NOT getting married after all, because you don't know/can't get what you want?!

My wedding dream has pretty much been static since I met my OH so that's what I'm going with ?

But what is it that you do want? How have you always imagined your wedding? Sometimes when you start planning, you look at everything because well, you can and it's fun! But I think you need to put all those different options out of your mind and just visualise what is your dream wedding? Write a list of things (not what the venue needs but what YOU want) and maybe do some drawings. You are just basically mind mapping what you like! This will help you work out what kind of place you need. We saw a lovely hotel in the countryside which was still a little quirky and we would've booked it but we just couldn't afford it. Sometimes I look at it's website and still kind of wish that we could've done it but actually a big hotel wedding wasn't us (when thinking of our friends being there) it just seemed a bit OTT. So I'm really pleased I had an idea of my "dream" wedding with our personality and went with our town hall option.

Well we are getting married in Somerset but over half our guests are coming from London, so it's a good 3-4 hour drive depending on traffic. I've reserved a load of rooms in nearby hotels for guests to book (have given them info in the invites) and sending invites out a good 6 months in advance so people have plenty of notice to save up and plan. It can be done, you just have to be a bit more organised for DIY weddings.

I should add that I've reserved enough rooms for around 60 guests!

I used to live in Taunton! So I know that drive from Somerset to London and back really well! Lol! Where in Somerset?

I don't know what I want!!! That's the trouble. I've had endless "dreams" over the years. I'm very influenced by outside sources. I've never really had a particular "style" in terms of clothes either. (Not to say I'm not stylish!! Lol!) but you couldn't pin me down to one "type". My OH is sort of the same...he's done vintage, rockabilly, mountain biker, classical and jazz musician, all sorts. None of which narrow it down!! Lol

My scrapbook is Pinterest, and it already has over 1000 pins in it!!! We don't have many friends, so we're only looking at 50 people, due to people travelling over 8 hours each way to get here (if they came by road) I doubt travelling between venues is an option because most guests won't have cars, so needs to be in one place with accommodation within walking distance (pretty much) so the circstances scream hotel. I'm just not sure.

I really am thinking that if I don't know WHAT I want, maybe we're not ready to get married....because surely you should KNOW, shouldn't you?!

I think you're confusing 'marriage' with 'wedding'!!

Just go and see some venues - cost will naturally limit the field anyway.

We have a hotel to book.....im just not sure if ive chisen it for practicalitity, and becsuse its what you expect from s wedding, or because its reslly what i want......we're basically ready

Sorry, that made NO sense... We have s hotel we love, and are at the point of paying a deposit, but I can't get over the fact I'm still having a "hotel wedding" it's a bit too formulaic for what I'm like....so I'm not sure it's really what I want, and not just what's easiest, most practical, and easiest to budget/coordinate.

I was the same, originally I wanted a barn wedding where we could do what we wanted but have ended up with a hotel for budget and practical reasons. I realised that I've been to all sorts of weddings and enjoyed them all it's not all about the venue but about the people and the little details that you put into your day.

I think my problem also might be that I've only been to 2 weddings. One was my cousins, in a barn, and I don't remember many details because I spent the night scraping my drunk mate up off the floor (she's now my MOH! Lol) - and the other was my mothers 2nd wedding, 2 years ago, in a standard 4* hotel... I DON'T want to just basically have the same wedding she did....(which I COULDN'T and WOULDN'T be, because I basically styled most of hers anyway) but maybe that's what's really worrying me, that'll they'll forever be compared..

I got married in a hotel, but it was a castle hotel in the countryside. There are lots of places like that. How north are you? or have you decided to have your day in Edinburgh for convenience?

I never had any wedding "dreams". In fact, I never really wanted to get married. Then I met my H and everything just seemed to fit into place.

I cared about aesthetics of the day, of course, how everything looked, food etc etc. but ultimately, the only thing that mattered to me is getting married. Not having a big fancy wedding.

You shouldn't know your colour schemes etc. straight away, but if you're using that as an excuse not to get married, then, sorry to be harsh, but no you're not ready, because you're not seeing the reason for getting married in the first place.

We're right up in the Cairngorms, about 30 miles inland of Ben Nevis. It's lovely here, but too remote, there's no transport links and no real accommodation except little b&bs which most of my family/London friends wouldn't like. Yes, Edinburgh was mainly convenience. (Although we go there twice a year for child-free weekends)

weve looked at marquees, tipis, etc, but the delivery costs alone are budget crippling, plus the choice of approved locations to marry up here are few and far between

I don't think there's anything standard about a 4* hotel. ?

What do you want? A wedding on a cloud?

Wow, bit harsh Ali!!!

Ive already SAID, we BOTH agree that wherever we SAY our vows, they will mean the same, so that is almost irrelevant in a way, the venue etc has no significance other than aesthetically , so how do you find the right one?!

Im questioning maybe were not ready, simply because everyone else seems to be able to KNOW what type of wedding they want. I KNOW I want to get MARRIED, I just DON'T know what to do about the WEDDING?!?!? Doh! So confusing!!

I have nothing useful to add as I'm a bit confused, but please stop shouting odd words in every post! It's very distracting.

Are you getting married because you want to be married to your OH, or because you want a wedding? If it's the latter then no you are not ready to get married.

"A standard 4* hotel" - as in a chain hotel, one where every hotel looks the same. Where things happen within the same set of parameters.

Theres no need for "what do you want? A wedding on a cloud?"

If you aren't going to be constructive, please don't post here. (Ali_g) no need to be facetious

I would suggest that if you aren't totally happy with the venue then it isn't right. You need to go looking around at other venues that aren't hotels. Do a google search for wedding venues in Edinburgh then wittle them down to a shortlist, then go and see them and when the right one is right you'll know x

I'm in the process of being completely overwhelmed as so I understand what you're going through. The only difference being is that my OH is not leaving me too it and instead we are at logger heads. The word 'wedding' is banned in our household at the moment.

I started with wanting a big wedding but we would never afford that, I then saw a barn conversion which I fell in love with - it was reasonable but still not in our budget. So we looked abroad and I think my OH was sold on the idea. I saw myself there and was excited but then I saw a pub 5 minutes down the road and it was perfect. We could invite guests that would actually come!!! And I started going on Pinterest and seeing all these cute DIY ideas to make it special.

But the OH wanted abroad. And so we argued and now I don't even think there will be a wedding.

It's about taking your time, I wish I had done that. Just shop around and see what you can afford. Anything can be special. Especially a hotel where they will probably bend over backwards to make your day special considering the money you will be spending.

I don't see any reason peanut, why one can't do both. Obviously, you marry your OH within a wedding. Just because the most "important" thing is the marriage vows, that doesn't mean you need to have something very basic, and not have the full wedding experience. Having all the bells and whistles doesn't mean the vows mean anything less.

Sorry, I just have images of you living in the Ptarmigan shop at the top of Cairngorms. I know the area well. You could always get married in Aviemore where there are plenty of hotels, train link to the village(not sure it's big enough to be a town)

I think a wedding on the Cairngorm mountain itself would be amazing!! But then, i'm easily pleased! :-) (http://www.cairngormmountain.org/facilities-fees/)

Oh saralou! Nightmare!! We thought about abroad, but my best mate just did it last autumn, and now I feel like we'd be copying her. :-/ - have you thought about doing both? Are you having a honeymoon? A lot of package places (Thomson etc) will give you a wedding for free if you book a 2 week holiday, so, why not have a wedding here, and a blessing there? Or other way around?) what is it he likes about abroad? If he's anything like mine, it's probably the lack of stress (read relations etc!)

We're actually considering the coylumbridge Hilton, but if it rains, the reception room is SO UGLY!!! I can't get past that.

(We live just outside Laggan, near Newtonmore)

It's the lack of stress and the fact that I have more family than him and he doesn't like the idea of paying for people's meals who he has never met! Which is fair enough. But what I priced up we would be paying the same (in fact probably a bit more for abroad as some of the budget my parents are kindly contributing would go towards their flight/holiday).

When we do talk about it again I expect it will be abroad. Less stress - just getting the dress over there!

Good luck with your search. Use Google as your friend....you might find something on their that you hadn't even thought of.