SO self conscious and embarrassed about the whole thing...

One thing. Your day is about you and h2b forget everyone else .

Your music choices are your choices for a reason - if you wanted to walk down the isle to golddigga , who cares it's your day ! It sounds like your having only very close friends and family so I am sure everyone will have a fantastic day.

Try to relax . Focuss on the idea of marriage and don't let peoples opinions get you all het up. This isn't much help but it sounds like your on a bit if a downer ATM - from what iv seen it's totally normal- try not to worry !

Ps welcome to hitched x

I agree. However, it is perfectly possible to just get married with two of you; we did it as we didn't want any of the associated fuss. If that's what you both want, why not? Don't worry about what everybody else thinks; you have a mind of your own.

Firstly, I think you need to stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. A lot of what you said has been about people's reactions to your choices. This isn't going to help you - you need to just go with your choices and be done with it, or not even bother with anything if you are so worried about what people think!

Have you thought about going to a registry office, just you and OH and some witnesses? Could you have a low key party to celebrate with people afterwards? This way you could wear something you're comfortable in and you can save a lot of money. If all you really want to be is married, then perhaps this might be a good compromise?

Hello & welcome to hitched

Sounds like a lot of people have too many opinions on your big day, you're doing the right thing getting married in the registry office and not a church because it's what they want.

Those music choices sound absolutely fine and you're completely over thinking that part, loads of people have all different kinds of music..OH and I will probably have a first dance to some rock song so honestly don't worry about any of that.

If eloping somewhere just the both of you, or even getting married just both of you and a couple of witnesses is what you want, then that's what to do.
It sounds like it'll be a lovely day with the amount of guests and i'm sure every one of those guests love you both or they wouldn't be invited so try not to worry about how you look. It's your wedding day, lots of people do their own hair & make up and still look beautiful. And size really doesn't matter, beauty comes in all different sizes - please believe that.

You should have a talk to your OH about how you feel, tell him you want him to be involved more in the planning and also how you are feeling about yourself, i'm sure he finds you completely beautiful and will tell you this and hopefully put your mind at ease. But most importantly sit and have a talk about what you both really want, if it's just the 2 of you then no matter who's offended - that's what to go for.

Stick around and tell us more of your plans and let us know how everythings going

Thank you

he does say I'll look beautiful in whatever but, typical girl, I don't tend to believe him!

Bit too late to run off and marry and our families would be upset, so I'm sticking with the registry office. His family tend to be a bit gossipy and vicious and I do worry that they'll be comparing our wedding to the church wedding they wanted us to have. His nan has said some pretty critical nasty stuff to me in the past which we try and pass off as a "language barrier" (she's Spanish but has lived in this country for god knows how long) and stay calm. However, if this happens at my wedding it'll be different.

My mum is also really annoying, telling me how she thinks things should be-the "stand up straight don't do that silly shy thing you do with your shoulders" comments particularly grate as I'd be less nervous if she stopped doing it! We're both fairly young still (23 and nearly 23 :p) and don't have kids etc so our families are the only people we've got for opinions, so when they're a bit funny I tend to overreact. Thanks for saying that my music is ok-I was worried as our tastes are pretty non-traditional!

Sorry, I mis-read, you already are getting married in a registry office! In that case, I think you need to just toughen up a little and stick to your guns. Weddings bring out opinions from everyone, it's just how you deal with it that matters. Go with the choices you love and forge what people think.

How long do you have? Could you try and save some money and put it towards a new dress? Lots of brides feel self-conscious in the shops, you aren't alone.

As Matthewmummy has said, you need to talk to your OH about everything. If you really want to elope then why don't you? Or just really scale back the amount of people at the ceremony so you feel more comfortable?

HundredMonkeys, invitations are out and everyone's excited, buying dresses etc, so no chance of scaling it down even further. People are annoyed as it is that we've had to miss some relatives out. It's a minefield, it really is!

Ok well in that case you are really going to have to give as good as you get and stick to your guns!

Mothers have a way of saying those silly comments - they don't really mean it, they just want you to look your best. When my mum says things, I just tell her off and remind her she's supposed to be making me feel good about myself not worse!

How long do you have til the wedding? Is there no way you could get anymore money together and at least get a dress you feel happy in?

slou90 (can't seem to do quotes), thank you

I suppose I'm just nervous about the whole thing. Not the marriage bit-I cannot WAIT to be married, I'm just horribly self conscious, I don't like people looking at me haha. Makes me sound like I live in a cupboard-I do function normally, but when it comes to putting me in a white dress and parading around I feel slightly panicky! I'll just have to take a deep breath I suppose. I'm on a diet so losing a bit of weight will help with confidence as well hopefully

HundredMonkeys I have one ordered, new with tags-it's nice and simple, but elegant. It looks lovely so I'm keeping my fingers crossed It's January 11th so still got a little bit of time :s apart from that we've nearly got everything sorted, but the dress is super important even for someone who doesn't really "do" dresses haha.

Ah I thought you could have changed plans but as everythings going ahead you just have to make the most of your day

Remember how much OH loves you and that's why he's marrying you so believe everything he tells you
Confidence wise before your big day try and get some beauty treatments, little facial..nails done etc or a little spa day with bridesmaids etc?

If his family can be gossipy or vicious the they probably will have something to say about something, some people just love to talk about anything - probably because they are jealous and not too happy with their own lives so want to talk about others. And your Mums comments aren't nice either, have you told her how you feel when she makes these comments? Even if not a sit down chat, if my mum says something to be i'm not happy about i'll jokingly tell her to shush and just brush it off.

Your music is definitely fine! I know what you mean about the opinions as my mum doesn't really know much about modern weddings and tends to think everything is done the same as 30+ years ago, I like on here as you can get good advice and tips and realise things are more common than you think

The way the families are I think you need to go out on your wedding day and remember it is that, you & OH's big day and don't let anything spoil it. Go out head held high, shoulders back and even if you are a & bit nervous don't show it on the outside. Have a champers in the morning to sort you out Go out big smiles and full of confidence and show them how happy you & OH are to be getting married. Don't give them any reason to think you doubt your choices of venue, guests etc and don't let your Mum tell you about the stand up straight thing. You do it yourself and try not to act shy, get them all in the best way you possibly can and if there is still any comments know that its because they're probably just jealous and rise above it!

Plus I think when your wedding day actually comes you'll be too full of excitement and adrenaline to even worry about what they're thinking, you'll be too focussed on OH and it'll all be about you 2 on the most important day off your lives! So do try not to worry!

Champagne in the morning sounds like an excellent idea! haha. I think I might see how much this pub meal is going to cost and if it's less than we think, maybe use the bit of extra money to have my hair and makeup done in a salon in town. I would really like to and I know somewhere where it's not too expensive...we'll see! Hopefully the meal won't bankrupt us!

Aww thank you bex23 that cheered me up no end! Lapland sounds amazing and excellent idea about the college, I will enquire!

That's just how I felt. The idea of me being a bride was ridiculous to me. I still feel a bit like it's all a show, and we're all playing dress up and it's a huge production, and at times, I really do wish we'd done something very small and low key. I just wanted it to all be over with and to just be married But then I knew I'd always think, "what if" and feel regret at not having our fabulous big day. Still, getting my head round me being a bride is weird. I feel a bit trussed up, and like you, I've had to lose some weight (2 and a half stone in total now - and dress is still bloody tight!!). I was also really panicking about being photographed. I'm hugely un-photogenic. I hate my smile, my size, I feel very self-concious etc. Then yesterday, we met up with our photographer, and he took some photo's, one of which I'll post below. And suddenly, it all became exciting and fantastic and wonderful. Looking at the picture he took of us gave me THE biggest buzz. We look happy, we look normal and we look in love. Now, I can't wait till next saturday. So I guess what I'm saying is, relax, enjoy the planning, do what YOU want, and remember what it's all about. LOVE

1st thing I want to say about this is ....who's getting married you or them ? This isn't about anyone else but you and your fiancé ! yOur wedding day is all about you and him and your likes and loves , it's your personalities your choices as to what best represents you both so who cares if they don't get it or think its weird..... I doubt they will even think about any of that on the day anyway as they will focus in on how you both react to each other and what your there for :-)

second of all you need to adopt the I don't give a fooofa aaa attitude the quicker you get this the less you will worry :-) I really couldn't care about others opinions I've learnt everyone has their own ideas and you take what you want from them and what you don't want you disregard.

and your dress, do you know anyone who can sew or perhaps nip n tuck it change it up a bit to suit you ? Worth a go if your not going to wear it anyway maybe you could make it into your dream dress with a few little changes ? Or perhaps your underwear may make a difference to how it looks ... X

Becs1975 you are spot on It is just a day, a nice one hopefully, but still a day. I'm going to try and be brave and smile at everyone even though people will be taking photos of my silly gawky grinning mush haha.

That's a lovely photo I hope you have the best day ever! And congrats on the weight loss, it's hard I know!

I bet you'll look beautiful x

Exactly. But hearing his mother announce loudly: "I've got my dress!" to everyone and not even bothering to enquire about mine makes me feel very out of it. Not worth getting upset about but still, makes me nervous.

As soon as I get the dress I'll try it on then have it altered a bit to suit me perfectly, I have enough money for that I think. Proper, suck me in underwear would work as well! The first dress is just horrible, there's no way I'm wearing it even altered, and I'm not normally fussy so...it's pretty bad!

? I sure hope so! thank you x

Why did u buy it silly lol , least u have one that u prefer though :-)

I guess that is the trouble of buying online! It looked really nice in the photo, but on me the waist was too high and the skirt too long, it just looked ridiculous

I do understand how you feel. I'm also very self conscious and the whole planning thing has got me feeling anxious as hell.

Our plan is simlair to yours. registry office followed by sit down pub meal. We are having at the absoltue most, 30 people. STill, I sometimes obsess of how ridiculous I will look, or how unlike me the whole thing is..I often imagine it will end in tears. I will look stupid, the meal will be naff...ect; So yeah I know how you feel. But as others have pointed out, it's your day. And it IS only one day.

As for a dress - I refused to spend silly money. I bought a Monsoon dress. But I did look at charity shops and did consider a china dress. There are options that are low cost. You don't HAVE to buy a wedding dress - look at bridesmaids dresses, or just eveing wear.

If you read lots of of wedding reports, and I do, a common theme is regret that too much time was spent worrying and not enough time was spent enjoying.

On the day, I plan on a glass of wine before hand to calm my nerves, and after that ihope to not give a toss what anyone else thinks.

Congratulations on your engagement xx

Don't worry that people won't 'get' your songs....so long as you and OH know the meaning behind them that's all that counts x

Going from what my married friends have said, there's apparently 2 main times throughout the day where everyone else just disappears from focus and it's all about you both....the walk down the aisle with first glimpses of each other, throughout all the vows. And during the first dance. I know you say you're felling super nervous about it, but I'm pretty certain that come the time you'll just be too excited to even think of anyone else.

I've experienced going into downers, and I've only been engaged since July. And it's always when I've over thought some issues, but things always seem better when put into perspective with some advice and so hopefully you've managed to get some good advice from fellow hitchers.

try to stay focused on your goal...to marry the man you love, and try to forget about what everyone else thinks. The best wedding I've been to was a wedding on a budget but the love felt on that day was just incredible xxx

Oh sweetie! I just want to give you a big hug! your wedding music sounds fantastic and it doesn't matter a jot if no-one else "gets" it but none of the song choices are odd anyway! you need to have a dress you feel confident in ... even if you can't afford bridal shops go on the high street and try stuff on to work out what suits you than sell the other dresses. what size are you? you h2b knows your not a size 10! when you walk down the aisle focus on your man and know one else. this wedding day is about love and enjoying yourselves .. not being miserable and paranoid!!

Thank you I do get horribly insecure sometimes (well , quite a lot actually!) and I'm SO not a dress person. Umm I've gained some weight which I'm trying to lose at the moment, I'm about a 16 high street but I've found wedding dresses do run quite a bit smaller very often! My wedding dress is an 18 and it's being altered by my aunt (zipper to corset back) to fit properly. I do love it and am really looking forward to wearing it, it's perfect

I think it comes from when I was a bit quirky as a child and quite often mum would tell me to "stop being so weird". She didn't mean it badly, but I suppose it stuck, and now I'm paranoid I'm being weird all the time. Like when my future in laws invited themselves into my flat and told me I was "hoarding". Now I've got rid of half my stuff haha. Guess I need to stop taking things so much to heart!

We obviously "worry" very similar! Another thing I worry about is the photos-I don't like having cameras in my face all the time, but my in laws love taking photos. They've already told my boyfriend to keep his mouth shut in the photos because he's got a chipped tooth-I reckon they'd love snapping me mid mouthful so I look ridiculous. I have spent £40 on my dress and I love it, bit of adjusting to do but I'll feel nice in it. IF I lose 10lbs and find something to cover my horrible arms. hahaha there's no stopping my cycle of terrible self doubt!!?