Speeches and Top Tables

Personally I think what you are doing is very sensible. Also, if you had the best man at the top table he'll be stuck on the end with no one to talk to, whereas everyone else on the top table will know each other quite well. It sounds to me like your FMIL is just being a bit old fashioned about things TBO.

I think it's totally normal to sit the best man with the guests - our top table will only be me, H2B, my parents, his mum and her husband - mainly because both my MOH and my H2B's best man have children who will be coming to the wedding so thought it only fair on their OH's that they are at the table with their families to help out with the little ones!

I honestly think it's fairly normal - dependant upon the layout of your room it may be nice if the best man comes and stands by you both for his speech but other than that I'd sit him with other guests.

No, I think what you're suggesting makes perfect sense. It's nice that you are thinking about your sister and how she'd probably prefer to sit with her husband and child. It really doesn't matter where the BM sits in order to do his speech.

We are keeping our top table more traditional in the sense that both our BM and MOH will be sat up there, but BM also has a fiancée and two children so I will be making sure that they are sat on the table nearest to him.

That's what we did. We put the bridesmaids/best man/sibling table closest to ours and he spoke from there. H was then best man for his best man (haha) a couple of weeks ago, who had the same bridesmaid/best man/sibling set up, and H went up to the top table to do the speech because it made more sense with the shape of the room. My best friend got married in December and they did the same. Your FMIL's view is a little outdated to be honest, stick to the way you want it, I promise you it works well!

I'm afraid to say i don't agree with the comments from others that your FMIL is outdated. I completely understand where she is coming from as he is best man and also the brother of the groom if i have understood you correctly so him being stuck on the end not knowing anyone and having no one to talk to wouldn't be a problem as he would be next to his parents!

Every wedding i have ever been to and the most recent was Feb this year has the best man on the top table. They have also had the maid of honor on the top table too (even those with kids) but other bridesmaids and ushers sit with the rest of the guests on any table.

At the end of the day it comes down to what you prefer and what you want. If you want the BM and MOH on the top table (regardless of whether they have partners and children) then ask to have them on the top table. At weddings there is always enough family members i.e., aunts and uncles, cousins, grand parents to help out with kids so don't let that sway your decision unless your sister has stated she would prefer to sit with her husband and child(ren) and you would prefer that too.

I understand what you mean about making it symmetrical so yes if you both have your parents and your MOH isn't going to sit on the top table then it would make it off balance to have the BM.

Our top table will be uneven but I'm not worried about it. We have no parents on top table, for various reasons, mainly because my mum is no longer with us. And my h2b's parents initial reaction to,us getting married and the subsequent disinterest in our wedding ever since. My dad will be on table 1 right in front of me and he is planning to,do,his speech from there (he's fine about not being on the top,table)

so we he will have my MOH and 2 bridesmaids (my daughters) on My side and h2b 2 best men on his.

Although we are sticking to some traditions, I don't think nowadays these are strictly kept to. This is our wedding day and want to feel relaxed and happy with our day without any stressing.

So,I say go with what YOU both want to do, unless FMIL is paying and then you may have to take her thoughts on board lol

good luck with the rest of your planning

x

Your FMIL sounds like shes just being more traditional about things but it is up to you. I'll disagree a bit with cece, as I'd have liked one of my bridesmaids to sit on top table but one has got two kids under 3 years so she's sitting with them n her partner, n my other one wanted to sit with her partner too so that's what we're doing. I don't think it is necessarily a case of 'I don't care if you've got kids/partners you're sitting with me!' It's not always that easy. I initially said the same as you OP tho in that well, in that case with there being no BM, should we just have it as us and both sets of parents, and have OH brother who is best man sit on a nearby table with his partner and their kid (and possibly newborn too) but OH felt cus of the speech thing he should sit on the top table...I thought he could just come over to the top table, or even do it where he was sat (our room layout is such that that would have worked well) but OH was keen on the idea of him sitting on top table n it didn't bother me that much either way...so no, I don't think it'd look weird having just the best man on the end of the table.

have you asked the best man whether he has a preference, maybe that would swing your decision one way or the other? Just remember there really isn't a set rule regarding it so although your FMIL may be a bit confused by it, I'm sure it wouldn't actually cross her mind on the day...

Thanks for the views everyone.

I want to try get a lot of the guests to mingle, so putting the MOH and the BM within the guests may help that - because people can discuss their speeches with them before and after, and whatnot.

I will definitely keep this in mine - have to wait and see what our table plan and space will be like first, but hopefully have something in place within the next month!

So many questions I didn't think I'd need answering!

Treacle Tart- i don't think you read my post properly as no where did i say 'I don't care if you've got kids/partners you're sitting with me!' if you read it to the end you will see that i said don't let the fact someone has kids sway your decision if that is the only issue as there will be other people (family members) and the other parent of the child who can sort the kids out. In your case it would seems from the way you have written it that your bridesmaids have said they do not want to sit with you on the top table "my other one wanted to sit with her partner" where as OP has stated that she "thought" her MOH would want to sit with her husband and kids and therefore from the word thought i assume that the OP has not asked yet and the MOH hasn't stated she wants to sit with her husband either.

As i stated " unless your sister has stated she would prefer to sit with her husband and child(ren) and you would prefer that too. " it is best to do what everyone feels happy with but that FMIL is not IMO outdated in her view.

Soon-To-Be-Riley - Whatever you decide will be beautiful because it is your day and will be how you want it.

Cece you're right, I did misread your post actually, I read it as you saying 'if you want the BM etc on table regardless of them having kids etc then have them'..rather than what you'd actually written as 'then ask to have them' so yep indeedy, my mistake, apologies! That's the downside of skim reading a post at work!!

I think you're right to consider your MOH's husband and child and also agree about evening it out. We aren't having either on the top table because my MOH's husband is coming as is her sister. It would also be weird for us as my other bridesmaid is the long term partner of the best man so she would be without her partner and left out of the 'top tableness' since my h2b isn't having any ushers and the bm would be sat with us!

It's simple - do what suits you and your wedding end of. Nowadays while tradition is fine, family structures are more complicated which means you don't have to stick with a formula. You can do what's right for you. Having your MoH and BM on other tables and parents only on the top with you is perfectly OK.