Stag do disaster please help x

I'm really sorry to hear it was such a disaster ☹️ I really don't get this ritual humiliation that some men find funny. Even worse that his so called "friends" were aware of his problem and still continued even after he had the first attack at the train station. My cousin is severely bipolar, and when he is in his lows, people saying he should get a grip makes me see red (I know its a different condition but I understand your frustration around peoples lack of empathy).

You mentioned your H2B doesn't want to think about uninviting them..do you think he will be able to get to that stage before the wedding comes around without it impacting his health even more? Would seeing them again face to face cause his anxiety to come back that badly again by seeing them at the wedding? You may have to take the executive decision on this, but maybe give it another couple of weeks while your H2B gets to a stage where he feels he can cope with going over it again.

Personally, this would make me want to uninvite them as well. The best men (we're having 2) are organising my H2B stag do and its going to be a surprise. I personally hate surprises, and I'm feeling anxious about what they have in store. Luckily my dad and future FIL are invited and I know my dad in particular would go nuts at them if something like that happened.

I really hope your H2B is feeling better soon. Sounds like he is getting good help from both you and his doctor xx

Oh my gosh what utter morons. I completely get why you don't want these blokes at the wedding now. They've massively let you both down! Your OH must be feeling very confused and in shock right now. But for that very reason if I were you I wouldn't make any changes to the guest list just yet. They're all idiots, even more so because they knew about your OH's condition, but uninviting them will effectively end any chance of repairing things between your OH and them in the future. Your OH isn't in any condition to face decisions like that right now. He might be nearer the time, but for now maybe let things lie. By all means tell them they're idiots, let them feel guilty, tell them they're demoted from best men/usher status, and reassure your OH that on the wedding day you will have lots of friends and family there who AREN'T idiots who won't let the same thing happen again. Then decide what to do about them after the wedding's over and you and OH both have some headspace to consider your options.

Your OH will never have to have another stag do again, so it's unlikely this situation will recur (unless it's on someone else's stag, in which case the groom will be on the receiving end of all their **** rather than your OH!). The issue here is trust. Can your OH trust them again, when they've set him back so much in his recovery?

The most important thing for you now is damage control. Keep this wedding on track, remind your OH of all the amazing things that you have to look forward to on the day so he can focus on being positive, and remove these idiot boys from him. Seat them way at the back, nominate someone to keep an eye on them, and make sure someone is with OH at all times to help him feel protected and safe.

But if between now and the wedding your OH decides he doesn't want them there - totally un-invite them!

It's obvious how much you love your OH. You're being a star! Hang in there, and big hugs xxx

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this so soon before your wedding. I really can't believe that your H2B's "friends" would do something like that! I don't know how you should handle the situation but just wanted to say I think you're completely justified in not wanting them there.

Hope it all works out and your H2B recovers well for the wedding x

Thank you so much for these replies. You've really helped put my mind at ease as I was beginning to think I wad going mad too lol.

Ultimately I know it's his choice, and I'm impatient because I'm so so angry with them - and obviously I'm completely otherwise calm so soon before the wedding ?

Xxxx

As someone who suffers with anxiety too I have to say I am so so sorry this happened to your H2B. It sounds awful. I can't believe people who are meant to care about him most would do that to him.

I think your H2B needs to get his head straight a little more before he can make a big decission like that, after all if you uninvite someone to your wedding it could be the end of a friendship, but then personally if someone ever did that to me that would be the end of the friendship right there.

I honestly don't think they should be invited, does your H2B have someone else who could be best man? Even a brother or sister, just so he has someone? 6 weeks doesnt seem like long but it's easy to replace people in that way, give him another week or so to sort through it in his own head.

As long as you know exactly who's going to be there, and what you'll be doing and when his anxiety should be fine on the day (apart from normal wedding nerves!). At the end of the day, it's your wedding. Do whatever is going to make you both most comfortable and get the most out of your day.

What absolute morons! I agree with what's already been said. Give it at least a couple of weeks and then see. If he does still want the guy as best man I would pay him a visit and explain what he did and ask for assurance he will not start 'joking' about this at the wedding or as part of his speach etc. Surely they could see his reactions? Some people have strange ideas of friendship. I really hope he feels a bit better soon. X