Stag Night Worries - Help!

That does seem a little more than the usual stag antics, but like you say, he didn't organise it, it was his best men. No doubt trying to be funny and for everyone else, it probably was.

But honestly, what can you do about it now? Nothing. There is no "solution" to the way you feel, so I'm afraid you're just going to have to try and forget about it, however hard that might be.

I'd be more concerned that even though his best men organised it, your OH still willingly took part and agreed to everything. I would at least like to think that if it were my OH in this situation, he'd would make a point of saying that enough was enough.

But as Knees has written, what can you do about it now? It's going to be hard to forget about it! Though it might be worth discussing it with your OH and explaining to him that parts of it were completely unacceptable in your eyes, and how it has made you feel generally.

I personally agree with you and think they went a step too far. Did your OH tell you what he had to do? If so, at least he had the balls to be honest with you.

I know my OH will be visiting a lap dancing club on his stag do (all the lads have done so) but I would be so upset if he actually had any physical contact with any of them because I think it is crossing a line.

Its happened now, so you just need to draw a line under it and blame it all on the a-hole if a best man (would chopping his b*llocks off make you feel better?!!)

I'd be really upset if my other half did this. I'd be p*ssed at his best man but more so at him to be honest. Stag nights are stag nights and I'd be fine with mine having a stripper etc but I'd be really upset if he licked her. It's over the mark as far as I'm concerned.

But like the others said. What can you do?

Yep that is going too far! That's when it stops been funny and becomes seedy - rolling around naked with girls and being walked on a lead?? I'd be furious but to echo everyone elses comments, what's done is done now so you need to look at a way to move forward.

Sit down with your OH and tell him how you are feeling. If my OH's stag do was anything like that I would be having serious doubts about who I was marrying!!

It's one thing to be fully clothed and have a lap dance, it's quite something else to be naked and wrestling naked women covered in jelly.

If you hadn't replied to another post I would almost think this was a spam post because it's so outrageous!!

I really feel for you. This is definately going too far and you have every right to feel upset.

Am I right in thinking your OH told you? That is one good thing if he did, at least he didn't want to hide it from you.

I think you shoud have a sit down with him just to explain that your hurt he went along with it. Even though it can't change what has been done it might help you to get it off your chest.

Boys are silly.

I'm pretty paid back about most things but I admit I'd be a bit peeved about this.

You can't underestimate how much most boys bow to peer pressure though. The best man has quite clearly misjudged the situation and been a bit of a t1t. I'm sure it wasn't malicious and I'm also sure the fact that your OH took park means absolutely nothing negative about your relationship.

He's a boy. Boys are silly.

Like Kharv said, boys are idiots.

And you have to question the manly credentials of other boys who want to see their friend naked. At least, that's where I'd start to make light of it.

this pretty much, yeh might be a step too far but the ebst man organised it, and we all know what guys are like when they egg each other on!

I would be livid. That's a huge leap over "the line" for me.

As for comparing it to your srtipper, that's just ridiculous. I would point out that you never stripped naked in front of your stripper, he on the other hand was happy to get naked and roll around with them! Really?!

Hmmm I think it depends on what sort of person your OH is. Did he just get drunk and lairy with the lads and lose inhibitions? Or does he normally have "an eye for the ladies"? I was so pissed off when my first husband went to Amsterdam on his stag, since I knew he'd be visiting brothels. Of course he denied it, but deep down I knew. This time, I was happy for J's best man to arrange pretty much anything because I know J and I know that he wouldn't even *want* to do anything too bad. so if J had come back telling me he had wrestled with strippers in jelly, I would just have laughed it off. Even if J was incredibly drunk and being egged on, it would be a stag do prank and no more. So I wouldn't mind. I think if your OH is like my first husband, be worried. If he is like J, then calm down and laugh it off. As Kharv says, boys are silly!

@Knees - Yes this is what all my friends are saying to me... and like you say I just need to try and forget

@cinnamonfairy - This is what I am also angry about - I think he could've said no to a couple of things that were over the line!

@Chickster - Thankyou for agreeing with me, yes he told me the majority of it, but lied about the pool! Which came out just as I was getting over the rest of it! And I have already given one of the best men cr*p for it - just waiting to see the other one now - probably will be 3 days before our wedding!!

@karenanne229 - agreed! What can I do?!

@Gempf - I said the same that it is seedy and disgusting. I still feel so horrified.

@Vintage84 - I have told him how i'm feeling, we almost called off the wedding at the beginning of the week - the thing is, he is otherwise totally reliable, trustworthy, hardworking and i trust him 100% in any situation, i just feel like he has bowed to peer pressure, when he should've been thinking of my feelings, or how he'd feel if I was naked wrestling other bloody men! Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets angry and says to let it go - I am finding myself bottling it all up as to not cause a row

@LC to be - Yes he told me most of it... I have heard other bits from other stags girlfriends/wives...

@kharv - Yes i know it was peer pressure - just wish he'd had enough balls to say no to the ridiculous stuff

He is usually 100% trustworthy and I never doubt anything he says... this is the only thing that has ever caused me any sort of doubt in the whole time I have known him! He never even usually looks at other girls, it's just not in his nature. I also know that he wouldn't have wanted any of this... he's just been well and truly stitched up!

Also my dad was there - so a bit annoyed at him for not telling me what happened!! I'm his only bloody daughter?!?!

Right - you've said yourself - he's not one for the ladies, he's 100% trustworthy.

A bloke is allowed to mess up occasionally and often it's the stag do where the lines get blurred.

BUT he hasn't cheated and he didn't organise it.

I honestly think you need to stop stewing on this and start enjoying the build up to your wedding day. You will regret it forever if you don't.

OK well if your Dad was there and didn't think it worthy of cancelling the wedding, then I'm sure you're OK. And expecting a very drunk man in a group of mates to consider your feelings *at the time* is asking a bit much. He's just a silly man getting carried away on his "last night of freedom", and from what yuo say, he's hardly going to carry on like that once married.

I'm not suprised you're upset. I'd find it really offensive. What a moronically disrespectful thing to do. This would be a deal breaker for me and I couldn't stay with him. You'll get people coming in and saying "oh don't be a prude, its his stag", but you are entitled to your feelings and they are very valid. I think men who go to strip bars etc don't have much respect for their partner, and its the most revolting kind of objectification, but then I think the same on male strippers on hen nights too, so perhaps we are poles apart on this. How is your OH reacting to all this? Is he remorseful at all?

Its up to you how you deal with it obviously, I hope you can overcome this and feel better at some point. Just know that its not a reflection of you at all, it says more about your OH than it does about you.

No he won't be carrying on like this whilst married - he's never going out again!!!!!!!!!!

@Cette2301 - He doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I cried for the first two days - couldn't eat or sleep etc, and he's just getting angry with me for being so upset. So at the moment i'm trying everything to put it to the back of my mind...

My advice is to write it down on a bit of paper to get your feelings and stress out and then burn the bit of paper. ? always helps me when stressed.

He fucked up monumentally, and is angry at YOU for being upset about it?! What a charmer. If he's not showing remorse, its because he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. You clearly do. This isn't something a healthy relationship should 'forget' and 'move on' from. Sit down, and discuss your views on what is appropriate. Either he agrees and understands, in which case you know your marriage is based on shared views and understanding, or he disagrees and tells you he thinks actions like his are acceptable, in which case, its up to you whether you marry a man who holds those views.

Horrible thing to go through when you should be excited about the wedding. Hugs.xx

To be honest I think the 'not wanting to talk about it' bit is probably because he is totally humiliated himself. He said he can see where i'm coming from - but i guess after 4 days of me grilling him on it & crying etc it's got a little bit too much...

Oh, I just want to give you a big hug because I know how awful I would be feeling if this had happened to me.

His best men are completely inconsiderate to organise such a thing for him - I would be really mad at them. As others have said, yes, we all know some things will happen on any stag / hen party (like your stripper), but this is a whole other level.

However, I don't want to dwell on that aspect of it, because we need to help you move forward, get over it and enjoy the build up to your wedding. How long is it until you get married? Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you before and how you know he isn't normally like this. At the end of the day, he is marrying YOU. You are the one he asked to marry him and who he loves.

I think he has some serious making up to do though! x

That's exactly why. Please don't listen to the other poster that thinks this all means something about the personality and morality of your partner. It does NOT.

He made a mistake and in my opinion not a particularly large one. The means nothing bad about your relationship - please don't listen to damaging viewpoints that think otherwise.

We get married 2 weeks tomorrow, in Cyprus. I am looking forward to the holiday more than the wedding as it stands which is just not how it should be!! I am trying to remember the good bits, but i just keep getting flashing images of that night... agreed he has some making up to do!

Yes, it is. It was his stag do. By definition, he's not going to do it again. Entering discussions about future behaviour are pointless, because it's a one off event.

"Do you promise never to lick a stripper on your stag do again?" "Um, yeah."

OP, I would have hated my husband to do this - I have very strong views about stripping/lap-dancing/objectifying women (and, indeed, men) They are views he shares. However, it would be fair to say that you are on slightly shakier grounds with your objections, given that you yourself participated in similar.

How did you feel about your stripper? Did you want to touch him? Did you want to kiss him? Did you want to leave your husband and run off with him? Think about how it was for you and apply that same thinking to how it will have been for him (clue: the same).

HP go and get married and enjoy it! Leave the stag in the past! It wasn't him that organised it, and yes boys can be w@ankers. Would I be p1ssed off, damn right I would be, but would I dwell on it and let it ruin my pre wedding excitement, not at all. You need to put things into perspective.

@ Cette, havn't we all "f*cked" up at some point in our lives? It's human nature.

My stripper - he was greasy and horrible i kept my eyes closed for the majority of it and wanted to run away!! So I am hoping that he felt the same! *Shudders*

Thankyou x

I'll bet my house he did.

@hp1986 My OH does exactly the same thing when he's embarrassed by something (or if he's been proved wrong) he doesn't want to talk about it and he gets angry with me if I try to. Seeing as your dad was there, why don't you sit down with him and talk it through? Tell him you need to talk about what went on because you're feeling very upset by how far it went. I'm sure he'll give you straight answers.

My OH has been to loads of strip clubs on stag do's and he's told me (and I tend to believe him) that most strippers are not very attractive and he tends to feel a bit skanky just being around them, so I should imagine your OH just wants to forget it.

When i read your post i was shocked but I am sure it was heat of the moment and sprung on him by his mates so he went through with it. The fact your Dad didn't feel it was worth reporting means he knew you would get upset over something he would never normally do again and he was right.

I would have been annoyed but not still upset over it 3 days later, when will he be fully forgiven or will it crop every time you have a disagreement. Don't let it spoil things, move on and look forward to your married life together.

Out of curiosity if your stripper was a hunky adonis as opposed to the one you got and wanted you to rub oil on him would you have obliged if egged on by your friends ?

Completely understand, but in fairness, that your opinion. If the poster cried for four days, it's more than just a 'small mistake' for her.

Everyone’s opinions on this will differ depending on their own experiences. I don’t, and never have, moved in circles where going to strip clubs and such like are the ‘norm’ on a stag/hen night. My OH, and all his friends, would not consider prioritising such a visit over the feelings of their partners.

I know this. Anyone who tries to tell me I am naïve and ‘most’ men are at it, I laugh in their face. Because, you see, I think it very much depends on the type of men that you know (and the behaviour you are prepared to accept).

HP1986 – if you honestly believe it was a mistake, and would never happen again, then fine, move on. But if he thinks that's acceptable, is it acceptable to get a lap dance on a friend's stag? You need to discuss where your boundaries are, and the things that are 'deal breakers' for you,and what's not. To me, any man who wants to brush your feelings under the carpet and pretend it didn’t happen, rather than talk about it and discuss it until you feel loved and secure again, IMO, isn’t much of a man. The man you are marrying should be wanting to talk about it until YOU feel secure again, not forget it because he's had enough trouble over it!