Stepchildren as bridesmaids/page boys

How old are the daughter and son? do they WANT to be BM and PB? ok your marriage is about you as a couple, but is your wedding not also about you becoming a family - this might be a precursor to developing a relationship with them. they might see it as a snub in the future...? it is your h2b's day too, and if it's important to him then i certainly think you need to consider it.

Hi, welcome to hitched!

My H2B has three children from a previous marriage, all of whom will have a part in the wedding! The two boys aged 13 and 11 will be page boys, and the girl aged 16 will be one of my bridesmaids! I wouldn't even dream of not having them taking part in our wedding as they come to stay with us often, and we we have a close bond with them!

Even though you don't see your H2B's children very often, the fact that he's asked you if they can be a bridesmaid and pageboy suggests that it would mean a lot to your H2B if they had a part in the wedding!

What i'm trying to say is that it's your H2B's wedding as well as yours! Even if you're unsure about it, maybe you need to consider your H2B's feelings in this situation! I'm sure it would mean a lot to the children too to feel involved in some way! Maybe a compromise could be made????

True - and that's my one hesitation. The daughter is 5 and the son is 10. And in answer to your question I don't think they will want to be involved, it's just whether or not we ask them. I think one of my issues is that he doesn't really have a relationship with them either (as they weren't children borne out of long term relationships) but he does see them about once a year.

If your H2B has asked, it must be important to him! So I'd have had to say yes for that reason alone!

Although you don't see them regularly, they are still his kids at the end of the day. I agree its about you as a couple, but they are going to be part of your life too, and you don't want to get off on a bad footing, not only with his kids, but the rest of the family!

This might be a bit personal to me as I haven't seen my dad since I was 12 as his (now) ex wife didn't want me and my brother to be part of "their" family, and I resent him to this day for it. In fact, Its him I blame more than his wife as he should have had the balls to stand up and say no. So now its all gone wrong, he's 50 and he's back at his mums, with no family standing by him as they all couldn't believe what an a**e he'd been.

Don't want this to come across as rude but want to get to the point.

Whether you have a strong bond with them or not is not the issue, your h2b has asked if they could be a part or your big day so he must want them there. They are going to be your step children and they are a part of your h2b's life even if he does only see them once a year (things would probably be different if they didn't live abroad), would that have made a difference to the way our feeling?

There really isn't any harm in asking them, they could very well turn round and say yes or no but at the same time your h2b's ex could have a say on whehter or not she wants them there.

Do they have other family over here?, would your h2b's ex need to come over to look after them during the evening reception?

I don't think you should hold the distance over the kids heads or the time they spend with your h2b, at the end of the day it wasn't their decision to move.

Your wedding might be a great chance for you all to bond since you will be in each others lives for deinfate from your wedding day on.

Hi and welcome to Hitched.

My h2b has a daughter who is 12. Her mother moved her to the other side of the country, so we only see her in the school holidays.

I did not think twice about her being a bridesmaid. As others have said, if your h2b wants them involved then you should respect it, and at least let him ask them.

Wow - some really strong opinions and I'm really pleased you all replied so quickly as it has definitely given me food for thought and made me think about things I hadn't considered. Maybe I had been a bit selfish up until now.

My 2 step daughters are my bridemaids and tbh they have been nothing but trouble - refusing to wear the dresses I picked out then adding a new colour to my colour scheme with the choice of dress the oldest one went for in the end.

They are 11 and 14 and I wouldn't have picked them, but then I wouldn't not have had them because they are the apples of OHs eye.

xx

I also agree, if my H2B had asked for his children to be a part of the wedding i wouldn't give it a second thought...they would be. Even if he rarely sees them(this is hard if they are out of the country... i am sure he was unhappy about them being taken away), at the end of the day they are still his children, he still loves them and wants them to be involved. So i am in the YES camp.

I am replying to this without reading what anyone else has put, partley becacause I feel very strongley about what I have just read,

Of course i feel they should be a big part of the wedding. You may not have a strong bong with them because their mother chose to move away but that was not their choice it was their mothers and they should not miss out because of it.

If your h2b wants them to be bridesmaid and pageboy then that shows how much it means to him and I would not even question it. I am getting married in July and have two kids from a previous relationship, if h2b had even hinted at the option that my children were not part of the big day i would not be marrying him.

Sorry to be harsh but it is a bit of a emotive subject.

I have the same issue my partner has a 7yr old daughter who we see every 2 weeks she comes to our house but I have less than zero relationship with her we are due to get married next year and I told him months ago I wasn't having her as a bridesmaid happy for her to attend but not in the bridal party. All of a sudden its an issue he said if she can't be a bridesmaid can she stand with him. Personally I think it would look odd. It could be a deal breaker.