Stepson not invited to wedding

First of all, why are the parents not speaking to you? Its none of their business. What lovely people they are.

If it was the other way around & it was your husbands son, your stepson, your brother getting married & they hadnt invited your husband's son, how would they feel? Maybe try putting this to them & they might see that what they are asking is completely wrong. However, if this doesnt get you anywhere, I wouldnt be going either & neither would my husband. Leave them to it & I would make a point of having a wonderful day out somewhere on the actual date of the wedding.

In my opinion, they are way out of line & are openly saying that he's not part of the family. This is a dreadful thing to do to anyone never mind a 9 year old!

That's horrible for your little boy. Stick to your guns and good on your OH for standing up for his step son.

That's a really tough situation for you to be in and sorry to hear about it.

I think you're doing the right things - you've tried to make up and/or compromise, but that doesn't seem to be working, so you have to stick to your guns. After all, when you get married, you will be your own new little family unit, so glad to hear your husband to be is backing you on this.

That said, the only other avenue I could see being open to you is if there is anyone else who could put in a good word for you. Does your H2B have any other siblings? Or anyone else in the family who's already said they agree with you? I don't mean you should start factions or family feuds, just that someone else saying the same things as you might get the message through.

Finally, at 6 months pregnant, really you need to find the least stressful path. And if that's not going to the wedding then so be it, unfortunately. Your health, and that of your new little one, comes first at the moment.

This! Anyone who would deliberately exclude a 9 yr old child from a family event because of their biological parentage does not seem like a nice person. I get why it's upsetting, but I think you may need to just cut your losses and accept that you're not gonna be going to the wedding.

They are out of order... They are basically saying your son isn't part of the family! What if you also had children with your husband already? Would they invite them and still exclude your son?

to be honest even if they backed down I wouldn't be going! It's good your husband is supporting you in this.

Agree with everyone else. Excluding a child because he's not biologically related is disgusting. Well done to your OH for sticking up for you both.

Thanks for all your replies , just to answer a couple if questions

I Completley get that the bride and groom should choose who is invited to their special day but just to make it clearer , my son is the only nephew (there are no nieces either) on my husbands side and it was confirmed that my husbands young cousins (11 and 13 years ) are also attending, it's as though they feel they cannot back down on their original choices regardless of family.

My son is friends with some of the other children going as he plays with them at other family events and actually adores my husbands brother and is gutted we are not going the wedding, I have of course told him it is for adult reasons and not anything to do with him.

I imagine my in laws are not speaking to us because they are annoyed that we will not just go along with their plans and unfortunately they are not aware that my sons is not invited because of his genes. They are refusing to listen to our side. We are on speaking terms with some of the family but they too are reluctant to get involved , which I don't blame anyone but it makes it more frustrating that we are being judged so harshly when nobody knows the true story.

I guess all we can do is carry on as we are and leave them to it , I just wish somehow it could all be resolved with his parents at least. Once again thanks for your replied it helps to know I'm not the only one who thinks they are crackers !!

I have to say I agree, I think that's awful not inviting your poor son- especially when he clearly sounds like he is part of the family, being friends with some of the other children. Very hurtful!

I hope you do have a good day out and I think you're totally right for not attending, I wouldn't if it was me!

When people won't listen, the only other option you have is to write it down. I would write to your future in-laws and tell them your side of the story. Stress that you would love to attend the wedding and just how upset you are that you feel unable to.

If your letter is ignored then unless other relatives can intervene, there isnt much else you can do. Don't give up, keep trying and have some hugs in the meantime x

This is DISGUSTING! Your son is part of your husband's and his family and he should be included the same as any other children.

My brother's partner has a 12 year old little girl, E. they are not married but have recently bought a house together, and i know he wants to propose soon. He has been part of E's life since she was 7, and more of a "dad" to her than her bio father, who is a drug dealing waste of breath. No, she isn't biologically related to me, or even legally related - but I would never ever dream of leaving her out of my wedding. I asked her and her mum to be my BMs, and she was soooo excited. and they live in another country, so both me and my parents are contributing towards the cost of them coming to the wedding/being in the bridal party. none of us gave it a second thought. (we're also not inviting any other children to the wedding). Your OHs brothers actions are totally vile. family is what you make it, its not just about genetics.

That is horrible! What if you were a bit further along and had your child by the wedding-would said child be invited and your son excluded?! I agree, dont go, you have enough on your plate!

That is horrendous behaviour! I hope that they come to their senses before they lose the relationship entirely.

Sorry wrrote my first txt in a rush , when I mentioned I future inlaws I meant the bride to be and her family , who I believe has the issues , I am married to my husband , therefore my son is legally his . Thanks. Again for your support

I think it's deplorable behaviour. Your son is as much your husband's son. Just because the biological link isn't there, doesn't make it any less so. So are they saying when your baby is born that baby would be invited as the baby is biologically linked?

Like many families, OH and I are a bit of a pot noodle on both sides, he with 4 children me with two - from our being together we are treated as one complete family, end of. Biology is irrelevant, it's the caring, loving resonsibility that matters. Your OH's family should be ashamed of themselves. I feel for you x

Totally this.

As everyone else has said, this is a terrible way to treat anyone!

OH's cousin got married last year, and has 3 children with his wife, but she also has 2 others. We would never dream of only inviting 3 of the kids, they're all his children, they all come!

This is just awful. I can't believe that your brother in law and his wife to be have actually had a conversation about the guest list and this is the result - it beggars belief!

It makes me wonder what would have happened had you already had your baby - would the baby be invited but not the older brother? What are they thinking...???

It does sound as though nobody has told your OH's parents exactly what is going on though and I think if I were you I'd have to set them straight. Their son is behaving appallingly, as is his future wife yet you and your husband are deemed the baddies for not going to the wedding. If the family have already welcomed your son into the fold I'm sure they would be unhappy to hear that he was being excluded due to his genes!

It's such an awful thing to happen but I'm so glad your husband is doing the right thing. I really hope everyone else comes to their senses before it causes an unrepairable rift. If not I'd also have to question whether you actually want this woman (the bride to be) or your OH's brother to have anything to do with your children in future if they are going to differentiate between the two.