Skip to main content
ARE YOU A BUSINESS?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

I
Beginner

stuck in a rut. feel so fed up.

incog, 18 May, 2008 at 20:21 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 5
Saved
Reply

Im sorry, the ultimate sin is to go all incognito but i know my other half goes on here occasionally and i dont want him to read this. i dont really know why im writing it, think that if i do it might clear things up in my head a little i suppose.

i have always had a plan in my head as to what i want to do and when in my life. nothing strategic or planned to the T, just have fun, get a house, get married and have kids. but the way things have shaped up seem so round the wrong way. i met my other half and a year and a half later we bought our home, then engagement was wafting around in the air, but everytime it was actually mentioned (always by him first, i would never bring it up) he would then get in a bit of a fluster because of the financial side of things (we are ok in the way of wages vs bills but it could be better)

fast forward to now, 2 years later. we have a 4 months old son who i adore more than anything in the world. he is my absolute favourite person ever and i love him. i just hate the fact that everytime the word marriage or engagement is mentioned he clams up and gets tetchy. i must add that i NEVER metion it because i know what the reaction is now. its usually him, which is worse because it gets my hopes up. then im left feeling that its my fault he is stressed and just feeling unwanted. i realise that this wont happen soon but does he really have to dangle this engagement shaped carrott in front of me and then snatch it away?i hate having a different surname to my son, it kills me ringing for appointments and saying my surname and the receptionist expecting his to be the same. its trivial i guess but it really does hurt.

its not just this, but other silly things like around the house stuff that he hardly ever does but expects them to be done etc. just feel very stuck and a bit unloved, not to metion unwanted in a sexual and emotional way. please can some one tell me that this will get better. i just want to bawl my eyes out.

edited because of awfull spelling. not me... the new laptop.... honestly!

5 replies

Latest activity by incog, 18 May, 2008 at 20:47
  • SophieM
    SophieM ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    I don't want to make you feel unwelcome here obviously, but this is the kind of post that I think would probably get a more useful response on BT. Your son is still tiny, it's a huge adjustment, of course you're all over the place emotionally, and this probably exaggerates your response to things that were there anyway, iyswim? Is it marriage you want, or a wedding, or dare I say it, a different man? If it's marriage, money shouldn't be an obstacle. You need to talk to him, of course, and tell him you're feeling this way, without blaming him for it <easiersaidthandoneicon>

    ?

    • Reply
  • sherry
    Beginner May 2009
    sherry ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    ? I'm not sure I can say anything to help. I completely understand about the carrot being dangled though. With my ex husband he use to dangle the 'we'll have kids' carrott in front of me. This went on for years. In the end I couldn't go on (this and a hell of a lot of other stuff contributed to our divorce).

    I think you need to tell him how you feel.

    Good luck with it all ?

    (as an aside could you change your name by deed poll - if theat helps at all?)

    • Reply
  • QueenBee
    Beginner November 2008
    QueenBee ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Its not an awful way to be feeling but you really need to speak about this to your oh.

    I too would hate to have a different name from my child and to be honest if I were to get pregnant now, I would call it my surname until oh and I would get married.

    As someone who takes phonecalls everyday from people with different names to their children, it doesnt really register any more. there are lots of mothers who for professional reasons have different names to their children as well as single parents etc so it is very common.

    Please dont let these feelings drag down your relationship. Not everyone gets the engagement, marriage house baby thing in that order.

    It love that matters and being a family

    • Reply
  • I
    Beginner
    incog ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Its strange because being a mum, to me, is easy and it really hasnt been such a massive change to me. he has fitted in wonderfully to our lives. its more him being very up for it one minute then getting stressed and uptight about the costs of a wedding and refusing to talk about it.

    i want to marry him. i have for a long time. im just all hormonal still i guess.

    not offended or anything at all by the BT sugestion. thankyou for your grounding advice about the wedding vs marriage vs a new man! it really did make me think. im actually going to a wedding and helping a friend plan another next year. so i think all of this wedding talk has given me a little of the green eyed monster. it just doesnt help when he flits too and fro from the whole thing.

    • Reply
  • I
    Beginner
    incog ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Thanks sherry. i think i should talk to him. we are going to visit family for a week next weekend so i really need to get it out of the way before then. he is off with his mates this evening. ho hum.

    • Reply
  • I
    Beginner
    incog ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Thankyou queenbee. think i just need to have a heart to heart with him. i honestly dont think he would say these things if he knew it hurt me. just hard fitting those long chats in when bubbs is here i suppose!

    thankyou all for replying and letting me whinge Smiley smile im going to try and get the house tidy before baby's 10pm feed xxxxx

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Planning a Wedding When You Don't Feel Represented in Mainstream Media
Planning Essentials Planning a Wedding When You Don't Feel Represented in... Writer and co-founder of Our Owambe, Assumpta Vitcu, details her experience of...
Have Molly-Mae & Tommy Fury Broken Up? Everything We Know So Far
News Have Molly-Mae & Tommy Fury Broken Up? Everything We Know So... The Love Island couple announced their split after five years of being together,...
33 Sexy Bridesmaid Dresses That'll Make Your Maids Feel Amazing
Wedding Fashion 33 Sexy Bridesmaid Dresses That'll Make Your Maids Feel... From bridal brands to high street faves, we’ve scoured the web for sexy...
Read more articles

General groups

Show more

Hitched article topics