Table Plan Etiquette

We're just havin the people on each table in order the people are placed on the table, just so happens the tables are pretty much 50/50 his family and mine on each table and that 50% on each table are little family groups anyway ie: my brother his girlfriend their baby, OH's brother wife and 2 kids.

I think if you over think it, it will drive you insane!

To be honest, I did mine and then changed them all at least twice. I did toy with a fully alphabetical at one point, but realised it's weird to not put a couple next to each other in a list, so if a couple have different surnames it gets a bit complicated if you stick with alphabetical.

I ended up having different orders for different tables, as I thought nobody would genuinely stare at the table plan long enough to realise not all the tables followed the exact same structure in the lists. I decided that it was just completely illogical to try and apply the same 'rule' to each table list. Here are some examples of what I did, in case this helps you:

Table 1, my relatives: Grouped names of mum's side together (aunt, uncle, adult children+partners) followed by a grouping of names from dad's side. Not alphabetical, as put aunt/uncle first, then their adult kids underneath, even though married kids had names that should be first alphabetically.

Table 2, his relatives: All came from one side of his family, so just put them alphabetical. They were all married with shared surnames, so no probs with couples.

Table 3, his friends: The men on the table were his childhood friends, but all have girlfriends who are also now my hubby's friends. I put the boys alphabetically, but also their partner's names inbetween so they could see they would definitely be sitting with their girlfriends. ie. Joe Adams, Amy Jones, Joe Brown, Amy March, Joe Collins, Amy Ackington etc.

Table 4, my friends: In the majority of cases (but not all), it was the girl who was the friend first, so I went with putting the girls alphabetical, with their partners/fiances/husbands in between.

Table 5, two separate distinct groups of friends: Grouped names of one set of friends all together (alphabetically), followed by group of other friends all together (not quite alphabetically due to one boyfriend being put in out of order just to make sure couples were always listed together).

That's a long winded explanation, but in essence the idea is 'go with what makes sense' for a particular table.

One of the other things I considered doing was as said by Mrs Lizzie - to just put them in the order you will have them sitting on the table. It won't be alphabetical and will look like it's completely random name wise. The only reason I decided not to do this was when I trialled it, the random looking pattern of the names kinda looked like I had ordered the names by my 'most favourite' to 'least favourite' people on two of the tables, and I was worried that if it looked like that to me, the guests may interpret it that way too!!! Hence the reason I returned to the ridiculous structure above. BTW, I spent so much time working out how to list them on the table plan that even post wedding I CLEARLY remember the different structures I tried. Jesus, that's like a day of my life I'll never get back.

I've seen surnames on and not on table plans. Either way seems fine. We decided to have surnames on the table plan, but just first name (or nick name if they had one) on the place cards.

I have listed people in alphabetical order by surname. So it means that partners names aren't necessarily next to each other on the plan, because of the alphabet, but they are sat next to each other when they get to the table.

I used surnames because I have a few people with the same first names so just wanted to be ultra clear about which one was sat with whom so there is no stress or confusion.

One thing that was pointed out to me was that you should really list people by their proper names on the seating plan and on their place settings. I generally did this, but a few people I put their nickname or shortened name, purley because in a couple of circumstances I would never use their full name. For example I have a couple of Matt's - so they are listed as Matthew's. But I also have a Sandy whose real name is Alexandra, but I would never, ever call her that -so she is listed as Sandy.

There's no hard and fast rules, just whatever you feel looks best and you are most comfortable with.

Also another thing that my venue reminded me of, when I filled out their table planner and popped people on their seats, it's a nice gesture (if you have round tables) to seat older guests facing the front so they don't have to turn around for speeches etc. Younger guests can turn their chairs instead - where possible.

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Table planning can definitely feel overwhelming, especially close to the big day! There’s no strict rule—most people prefer grouping guests by family or how well they know each other so everyone feels comfortable, rather than strict alphabetical order. Using first names is usually enough unless you have many guests with similar names.

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