Telling work friends they aren’t invited 😬

It is your day so you do what you are happy with, you dont need to justify your decision to anyone. I would leave it for a bit, as to say it so close to your party that then attended may feel a bit unfair to them. When the time comes I would simply say that since you got engaged you have decided you want an intimate wedding so will be family and close friends. Can you maybe ask them to the evening, that is what we have done.

View quoted message Oh yeah definitely, the wedding isn’t close enough yet to be telling them but I just feel really bad 🤣 we were only going to invite them to the evening reception anyway so I’m not sure how they are going to take it, they are all a lot older than me and quite opinionated so just anxious about how they are going to react.

View quoted message It really irks me when people get naeky about not being in ited, it is not an expectation, it is an honour to be asked. How they react is a reflection of them, please do t worry, it is your day. In honesty I would never expect an invite to a work colleague wedding, unless we were close outside of work.

I have 2 people from work co.ing but that is because my partner and I socialise with them and their family outside of work so they are friends.

View quoted message Absolutely, I would never expect an invite to any of their weddings either but they have invited themselves to my hen do when I have one, although I’m getting around that by saying my maid of honour is planning it all. I just don’t need the stress of having them expect an invite and being upset when they don’t get one

View quoted message Wow, thay is insane! I can imagine the stress but yet not to worry. You have a couple of years so by then you will have possiblity moved jobs or have a different relationship with them. If they bring it up again I would be blade and just say that you haven't even planned the guest list and you are not discussing it further. From experience I would say keep quiet about your plans as everyone has an opinion! We are 11 days away from our wedding and still having people asking if they can brink a friend or kids etc as they dont know other guests that well which personally I find rude and ridiculous! Honestly wish we had just eloped now!

View quoted message I feel you on that last bit, after the stress of the engagement party we seriously questioned eloping! I’m sure your wedding will be amazing and just remember, it’s yours and your partner’s day so do what’s best for you!

The difficulty here is that engagement parties are meant to be smaller than weddings, so if you’ve been put on the engagement party guest list you would be on the wedding guest list. That the guidance I’ve always seen. So having invited them to the engagement party it’s not surprising they assume they’re invited to the wedding.


A friend of my fiancé has invited us to her huge engagement party but has also mentioned some very confusing wedding plans that make it sound like we’re not invited to the wedding. I totally understand people wanting a small wedding but I don’t understand the rational for a big engagement party and a small wedding. It feels a little like wanting gifts from lots of people so throwing an engagement party; but then not caring about those people enough to invite them to the wedding.

I agree with Tamsin. Why have an engagement party when you only want a small wedding, the cynic in me says it sounds like trying to get more gifts! We didn’t have an engagement party at all and come to think of it I’ve never been to one and I’ve been to over 11 or 12 weddings! I feel like it’s an American thing like bridal and baby showers.

View quoted message The only reason we had an engagement party is because mine and my fiancé’s families hadn’t met, we met just before lockdown and our families are dotted all over the UK so simply hadn’t had the chance to meet yet and we didn’t want the first time meeting to be at the wedding. We stated on the invites no gifts, and the only people there apart from my work colleagues were family and friends who would be invited to the wedding.

View quoted message We stated on the engagement party invite no gifts so that was definitely not the case. We had an engagement party so our friends and families could meet before the wedding as they hadn’t had change previously due to lockdown.

View quoted message Tamsin I definitely agree that you should only invite people to an engagement party if you intend to have them their on your wedding day! I was invited to an engagement party with partners school friends several years back and then not invited to the actual day. It just seemed that they wanted numbers at the engagement party/ cards and gifts. I was eventually invited, however it was obviously after several people had declined the actual wedding day!

Actually can’t believe the tone of some of the responses on here.
Personally I think an engagement party so both families can meet is a lovely idea, but regardless, we’re all on here because we’re surrounded by competing views on what is or isn’t the right thing to do!
Things can come across much harsher on the internet, so please think before you type…

View quoted message Thank you Alexandra, I could go into specific reasons as to why I don’t want to invite them but why should I bother now. I hope you have a stress free (as possible!) wedding planning experience x

At the end of the day it’s your wedding and you have the right to invite who you want. There’s no harm in telling people that you’ve looked at budget etc and can’t have everyone at the ceremony but they are still invited to the evening. I did have an engagement party but we did only invite those who were invited to the ceremony. Yes, traditional etiquette is you shouldn’t invite people to engagement party or hen do etc and not invite to wedding. I do see why people may be a bit confused and expect an invite. But you know, it’s your day and people will get over it
You’ll never please everyone
I’m close to one of my old work colleagues and I have only invited her to the evening due to our intimate ceremony (20 people) and she said the fact I’ve invited her to the evening to celebrate our marriage is perfect and an honour in itself

Honestly we had all intentions of inviting them to the wedding too but one of them was sick all over and didn't tell us so we lost some of our deposit, as well as other things that happened on the night! I do not need to be dealing with that on my wedding day. We do still have 2 years before the wedding so maybe we will decide that we want to invite them, I was simply just asking for advice x

If I got invited to an engagement party, I would be chuffed to bits. I wouldn't automatically expect an invite to the wedding as well. Maybe that's just me.
I really hope the rest of your planning is less stressful though. That's really bad that they cost you some of your deposit though. I wouldn't expect to be invited anywhere if I behaved like that!!

We had an engagement party with a lot of people there but our actual wedding has 40 people. We were very upfront and honest with people that they wouldn't be invited as a wedding costs a lot, lot more than an engagement party and we've had to pay for everything ourselves. Honestly don't even worry what people think, they aren't the ones forking out for it!