Terrified my dad will ruin my wedding! Really upset and need advice!

Sound like a awful situation.

If that were my Dad he would be getting a stern (and I mean stern!) talking to from me- is their anyway you can get him to understand how unhelpful his behaviour is?

Awful as it might seem if my Dad was causing so much agro I would be sorley tempted to leave him out of your day all together!

Try to stay positive, how far away is the wedding? Perhaps he is just unnerved by the whole concept and this is his bizzare way of dealing with you getting married?! (possibly a long shot but don't know what else to say!)

Hope things get better soon.

I'd be fuming if that was my Dad, he sounds incredibly immature. If you want your uncle there you should invite him. Your Dad will just have to suck it up and be an adult about it. If I was you I'd be having some serious words with him.

Do you think he would actually say something and disrupt your wedding? Or is it just a empty threat? I'm sorry to be blunt but if he genuinely would do that at your wedding without considering your feelings I'd be questioning whether you want him there.

Whilst this is not a nice situation for you to be in I do agree with the above that if your dad would consider doing that on your wedding day them I would seriously have a long think about whether he should be there or not! I would invite your uncle, if your uncle knows your dad is like this then he may not want to come anyway and may decline (which would be sad but would help with your issue) but more than anything I would sit with your dad and explain that this is the biggest day of your life and ask him to his face if he would seriously do something like that to ruin it...if he says yes I would be tempted to tell him he's not coming! Again this would be sad but this should be a great day and time for you and your OH, and selfish immature people who should care about your feelings should not be welcome. My dad is not invited to my wedding so it's not the end of the world if they are not there.

Agree with everything that's been said. I would speak to your Dad, tell him in no uncertain words that this isn't about him, and he needs to grow up. Tell him you'll sit the uncle far from the top table, and that he doesn't have to speak to him at all, but as your uncle he WILL be invited, and you WILL expect your Dad to play the "father of the bride" role with politeness, manners and good grace for the day. If he can't accept that, then maybe it's he who should think twice about attending.

Thanks for the advice. I have tried to reason with him already. But maybe I just need to be really stern! Ill keep you informed.

Your Dad is wrong for dictating who goes and who doesn't and then the threatening comments but I just wanted to say that if you don't want your Uncle there then you don't have to. My Mum has a Sister and two Brothers and I only invited my Aunt. She is the only one we really see and who bothers with us.

Just wanted to touch on the comment that you weren't overly close to your Uncle.

I agree with the comment about not having to invite my uncle. I'm not overly close to him or his gf. But I'm still very close to his children (my cousins) and my aunt (his ex wife) and I justknoe it would upset my gran if I didn't have him there. My dads side of family is so immature. I also just feel annoyed that he is trying to dictate to me about who I should or shouldn't invite. Ill have a chat with him and maybe reconsider inviting my uncle maybe just have him to the evening.

The wedding isn't untill 23rd march 2013 so I've got a little big of time to try and sort this out. My fiancé is really cross that my dad can't just be civil for one blooming day. I'm always having to be careful around my dad cause he gets angry really quickly. If he can't be civil he won't be walking me down the aisle but I know he'd be heartbroken. Man thus sucks!

Please try not to worry about upsetting people otherwise your guest list is going to become never ending. When I told my Nan that I wasn't inviting my Uncles she told them their invites must have been lost in the post because she was so horrified ?

I agree with what the other hitchers have said. Your Dad sounds like he is being very childish, and I think you need to be stern with him and explain to him the stress he is causing you and that if he wants to be a part of your day, he will have to put up with your uncle being there too. It's not like he has to talk to him, he can just ignore him! Hope you get it sorted soon!

x

Ok so update. I had a phone call from my mum yesterday saying that she had spoken to my dad about him being such a twit about this whole thing I then phoned my dad who started to try and have a go. I was like look this is my wedding day. Please just for me can you behave and be nice. I am getting really upset about it all. He promised he would not say anything. So I hope he keeps it. If he starts up again I will tell him where to go. I love him because he's my dad but this is not up to him. It's more the principle that he seems to want attention and I'd trying to use my wedding ass an excuse to to vent his issues! Not on my watch!

I'm so sorry you're in this kind of situation! I have similar fears, and if your dad is anything like mine, you'll be worrying whether telling him not to say certain things will actually work.

My dad lives in Texas. He's the kind of American I usually hate (even though he's Canadian), in that he's anti-women's rights, anti-gay rights, anti-gun control, pro-death penalty, and basically a racist, misogynist, southerner. And he actually watches Fox news. Seriously.

Anyways, my sister never even told him she was getting married, so he wasn't invited to that one, and he didn't show up to my 2 brothers' weddings, so I'm desperately hoping he won't show up to mine, even though we are getting along, despite his flaws, he's still my dad.

I'm glad you were able to actually have a talk with your dad. I'm scared to bring anything up with mine!

Three words for your father: GET OVER YOURSELF.

I know what you mean that he is your dad and so more important to you than your uncle, however, you don't want him to get away with having his way on your day. It sounds like you've handled it really well so far. Perhaps tell him that if he does say anything you will ask him to leave. Having your daughter tell you to leave her wedding might stop him forgetting himself.

My dad and his sister don't get on with their father. Currently. my dad is barely speaking to him and he is still having a major fall out with my aunt. He was a rubbish father to them, cheating on their mother and being a cold fish. He hasn't been a great grandfather either. I am going to invite him as not inviting him will cause more hassle. It is very unlikely that he'll come - He'll give a crap excuse about his horses as he cares about them much more than his grandchildren. He also never travels to see his family, they always have to go to him. If he does come he'll be a grumpy old windbag all day and will make it clear to everyone that he doesn't want to be there. He'll also suggest that I only invited him so I could get hold of some of his money through a wedding present.

I'm teaching A Christmas Carol at the moment and I might tell them my Grandad is Scrooge!

I'm sorry you also have issues! I was terrified to say anything. I just took a deep breath then backed it up by a nicely worded text. He says he won't mention it again. So lets see. I think sometimes you have to speak your inner truth and tell them what you think. Good luck with your dad x

My sentiments exactly! X

I texted him a nicely worded message and I basically said I know you had issues with them but please forget that ANC focus on what will be an amazing day. It seems to have worked so let's see. Thanks guys for all the advice x x

I hope he DOES listen. I fear he will flare up again. I know it's hard but I would go so far as to make it clear to him that anyone - ANYONE - including (especially) him not playing as part of the team, not acting in a loving and encouraging manner, in the lead up to the day and on the day itself will find themselves utterly excluded from everything. And that includes being physically removed on the day if necessary. Your hubby to be and your mum and your lovely cousins would just as soon throw him out than see him attempt to wreck things, whether he means to or not.

It's YOUR wedding day and he owes it to you to keep his mouth shut and be there for you!!

Honestly, these parents who act like attention-seeking children, they're lucky they end up invited at all.