Terrified of being lonely at my own wedding

I totally understand your concerns but please don't worry, it is yours and H2bs special day and you have those who are important to you with you. You honestly don't need loads of family and friends there - we had relatives (extended family) who we never see! It was really just expected within family and pleased my family. Enjoy your big day!

Also, I have been to a wedding like this before and yes, obviously it was noticed but everyone adores the groom and didn't judge or anything! It was a fab wedding.

Can family rift be resolved in time at all?

Mm, see, i suspect that like yourself all of my H2B's extended family will be awaiting invites, and really I don't have it in me to fight them on it, they can be so overpowering. We've only just managed to wrest control over the venue from them (saved by our spiritual beliefs, actually, on that one).

Sadly I don't think it will be reapired, it's an ongoing battle about inheritance blah blah stuff that life is just too short for and bringing out the ugly side in people. I wouldn't want to upset my mum by risking inviting and then there's a ruckus. We were all at a funeral together in October and that was just -awful-.

My H2B thinks I am being silly, and he's probably right. He keeps telling me all that matters is that by the end of the day we're husband and wife. But I've been judged really heavily before by members or his family and reactions to what we've planned so far have already been less than favourable (I've cried a few times....) Honestly, the idea of being told on my wedding day "Oh what a shame nobody came for you" (and honestly, it could 100% happen) makes me feel sick.

Oh my goodness Wiggle, that sounds like a really tough situation to be in.

Now it doesn't seem to be *quite* your situation, but I wonder if this post on Captain Awkward would help at all: https://captainawkward.com/2017/07/27/1003-getting-married-in-30-days-and-the-parent-drama-is-making-me-wish-wed-eloped/

It's got some good advice on handling wedding family drama, and asserting yourself against people who want to poop all over your choices.

Now I cried a few times over wedding planning, two of my brothers couldn't make it, I lost my job and it looked like we might not be able to afford it, I thought I'd lost my invite design (I saved it in the wrong place). I managed to not cry over judgmental stuff, as I did my best to shield myself from it. Anyone who said a mean judgey comment did not get to hear about my wedding plans in detail. I would deflect with 'Oh yeah it's going well, but it's so overwhelming, how about you tell me about your day/that new book/your holiday' or go into super detail about something bland 'Well my dress trim has diamond colored pearls, but my necklace is coffee colored pearls, which do I change? Or do I swap both for nutmeg colored pearls?'. Also anyone who says something like 'Oh you're going to wear that - I don't like that' gets a reply of 'Well, you'd best not wear it then'.

Also anyone who says "Oh what a shame nobody came for you" is being rude, really rude. Like 100% Emperor Rude of the Rude Empire. So throw a drink at them. Call them out for being rude tell them 'Wow, don't you think that's a rude thing to say?' You could finish there and just let them fill the silence, but they will probablly try and say how they aren't being rude etc. So I'd probablly follow up with 'Are you saying that my beloved parents, brother and best friend are nobody? They love me, and would never say something so rude, and if you'll excuse me I'm going to go talk to them and tell them how rude you are.'

I was concerned of certain people at my wedding would say rude things to me, so I practiced various versions of this in my head/the mirror so I could say it without stumbling on the day. It turned out I didn't need it, as *most* people can keep their act together at a wedding and won't put on the Sacred Laurel Wreath of the Rude Empire. (Although I also got my best friend/MoH to 'swoop' in to rescue me if I was stuck with certain people for too long - eg 'Oh Bacchant the wedding planner needed to check the napkins with you' or 'Your sister wants a selfie with you can you just step away for a moment'

While this doesn't apply to my wedding situation (as we've kept it small, numbers should be relatively even) I have been in this type of situation for my engagement party

In a family only type gathering, my family's numbers (at full attendance) would overpower my future in laws, however, due to the sheer amount of friends and work colleagues my OH has, my guest list seemed to be a quarter of his, perhaps a third at best. Now factor in that I'm introverted and suffer from a mild anxiety disorder, then add the fact that he left me for most of the evening so he could "do his rounds" and I didn't have a good time at all.

I slapped a big nervous smile on my face and dithered around the room, only managing to visit my few work colleagues and the retreat back to my family's table to sit with my nan -somehow every sweep of the room finished with me gravitating back towards my nan. My attempts to socialize with other guests were shut down by the fact my OH hadn't introduced me to anyone, so they were instead side stepping me to get to the bar. It was awful, even when I escaped to the bathroom for a break I was accosted by a drunk aunty who enthusiastically thanked me for loaning her a hairbrush.

But the time spent with the people I genuinely liked wasn't so bad, chatting with my family meant I could ignore the rest of the room. So I agree with the reply that says have a dedicated "rescuer" to swoop in when it gets too much, only socialize with his family when he's stood by you. Then any rudeness is witnessed by him, so is less likely to happen, or more likely to be addressed if you can't speak up yourself.

Try to be brave and keep telling yourself, the people that matter to me are here, screw everyone else. And just spend time with who you want to.

Thank you all, so so much for your replies. It's really helping, honestly. Apart form anything else, it's so good to know I'm not the only one who's felt like this.

I had a positive development yesterday, my OH's brother and his wife are insanely excited about our news and really enthusiastic and friendly about the whole thing. They live in the States, so it's a long distance, but my future sister in law has been messaging me non stop with nothing but love and kindness, I have a feeling I will have a real friend in her on the day now, which has eased my mind a little. She's been through this herself once already and was sharing her experiences with my OH's family on the day, so I now have someone I feel is on our team who's in the know. I'm not excited yet, just can't make myself be, but I'm hoping this is a step in the right direction to be so.

Oh and my future MIL is talking about now renewing her vows with FIL the same week as our wedding. So um... Not sure how to react to that.

This is the best thing I've read today (made me giggle!) - and a reminder that although your side may be smaller in numbers, it's probably bigger in love. Plus with the amazing sister-in-law-to-be you mention, you've got Team Wiggle. :-)

Having just read your other post about your ceremony, your day will be filled with so much beauty and meaning that I'm sure the presence of a few rude a-holes won't ruin it. And you won't be lonely with your HTB and Team Wiggle beside you. :-)

I am originally American who spent almost 10 years in the UK, and I married an Australian in Australia. My guest list was a lot smaller than my OH's. I also have a huge family rift on my side, and my OH's family also had two minor rifts. I ended up not inviting my brother or father (who I hadn't spoken to in over 10 years but my brother and I recently reconciled) or my extended family. We didn't invite my husband's sister or her husband.

It was fine. The nervousness was in my head. My husband's family was really keen to bring me into the fold. I'll never forget that his grandmother wanted to know if I wanted to call her grandma like the rest of "her girls".

Have a chat with your OH. You guys - as a married couple - should be doing rounds together and not separately.

Weddings are usually a time where people are on their best behaviour, and nobody wants to upset the bride.

Best wishes.