The only thing you will achieve by trying to please everyone..

Hear hear! I've had these conversations myself with people. When we've mentioned that we're having a live band...'oooh, you don't want anything too rocky'...for the disco...'well, you've got to have a bit of cheese to get people up and dancing..'. NO NO NO NO NO! If I want a thrash metal covers band at my wedding, I WILL (it's not)! If I want the DJ to play nothing but European hard house, HE WILL (it's not- but you get my point).

I don't care- even me and hubby are the only people on the dance floor...as long as we're having fun, everyone else can BORE OFF! ?

My friend was talking about this the other day. Apparently people were coming up to her on her wedding day, complaining that the food was cold. I'm not entirely sure exactly what they expected her to do about it!!!!

Sorry, this is something I feel quite strongly about. I am constantly the one trying to maintain the status quo in my family, so- for one day- i'm going to do exactly what i bloomin' well like and everyone else should do the same!

You will also have regret by not sticking to what you two want. x

Who are these people?! Craziness!

I totally agree we are having a rock band and i dont care if they dont dance me and my fiancee well my husband then will! if they dont like it they can go home!

100% agree! Honestly people forget what the point of a wedding is and should be grateful they are invited.

I'm fed up of GUESTS thinking they have the right to complain or have an opinion in OUR wedding.

This weekend has been awful and now I’m simply telling people tough its our wedding and if they don’t like it they can RSVP back to say they aren't coming.

I've had guests complaining all this weekend that they can't check into the hotel until 3pm when the wedding is at 2pm so they can't get ready at the weekend.

Some really rude comments from people about it as though I personally make up the hotel policy. I've offered them a solution as its my dads family that they can nominate one of their rooms for early check in however they will all have to take turns getting ready in it. Not good enough apparently and so have said they will cancel their rooms and book elsewhere. Fine by me I’ll offer the rooms to the evening guests. They live a 40 minute drive away so its not like its a long distance.

Also I pointed out that I can't even get into a room early so me and the bridesmaids are having to get ready in a conference room but that doesn't make a difference to these selfish idiots.

Ha, well I am suppose I am in the other boat where by knowing exactly what me and my OH want, and we know outright at the very beginning that we are not going to please anyone but ourselves most likely. We are both very geeky, comic book fans, movie fans and lovers of comics and other things so our wedding is reflecting that. Not sure how it will go down with the parents but thats just tough.

I love this mantra!!!!!

I am one of those people who always tries to please others and worries about what they think. I decided that my wedding is the one day I get to have what I want how I want it. That probably sounds a bit extreme but with certain family members I think it needs to be that tough!!! I do find it hard sometimes as its not in my nature to be like that. Luckily my OH says as long as we are happy that all that matters and my MOH is very good at saying it how it is and sticking up for me.

Still not sure how to tackle the FMIL wanting to come dress shopping with me though :/! she keeps saying how excited she is but as I am my moms only daughter and she is paying for my dress I want to keep it between us 2 and my MOH. Plus I want i to be a surprise for everyone not just my OH, not sure how to tell her though!!

Might have to print off the mantra and stick it on my mirror ?

xx

Hear Hear!!

Glad to see it's a helpful mantra.

My frustration came following a day out to try dresses on with my Mum and Grandma.

One small thing was my Grandma just casually dropping in to the conversation that my uncle who lives in Oz, and hasn't been home for 14 years, expects an invitation to the wedding - he has never met HTB! My reaction (of shock) upset my Grandma and so I explained that as long as it wouldn't upset my Grandad (who doesn't speak to said uncle) then I would send an invite to OZ. That wasn't good enough and I was told to consider his partner I have never met! Ok. Fine. I am confident that either a) my Grandma won't mention it to my Grandad for fear of upsetting him, or b) she will and he will say that he won't come if he does.

The more serious issue concerns my Mum. I haven't spoken to my Dad for over four years (long story involving alcohol - I'll spare you all) but my Mum has never left him and still lives with him. The next day I found out from my Grandma that my Mum had told my Dad that she was just going out for lunch with her Mum and didn't mention that she was going wedding dress shopping with me. This has shocked me as, although I know my Mum finds living in the house difficult, I didn't think she was scared to tell him when she saw me. My Grandma revealed that he gave her hard time when he found out that she had been out with me - the reason he knew was she didn't have a bus ticket to where she said she had been, and she had to admit that I had been with them and had drove. After leaving my Grandma's I popped in to see my Mum and she looked miserable - I didn't say anything though as I didn't want to put her on the spot and make her feel like she has done anything wrong. She'd cooked a Sunday lunch but as always, because of the situation between myself and my Dad, she hadn't invited me or HTB. I usually don't depend on my Mum as I know she has a lot on her plate - but the wedding makes me want her to be involved and I feel like my need for her to be a part of things is making her life more difficult. The sensible part of me knows that it's not my fault she's in this position and she should leave him, but the reality is she won't. So, if by seeing my Mum makes her miserable and not seeing her makes me and her both miserable - he can sod off. I just really despair on finding out that he would wish to deny his only daughter of seeing her Mum after all he has already done.

..and breathe!

I completely agree and think I might steal your mantra after a conversation with my mother who said "it's our wedding too"!

No! Me and my H2B are going to be the only ones makin decisions and agree if the guests don't like it don't come. As long as the two of us are happy tuff!

X

I agree that a wedding should reflect the couple but I'm not sure I agree to this extent. While we've not let it dictate things, we've definitely thought about what our guests will like when making choices because we want them to enjoy the day with us. Why would we be inviting them otherwise?

How funny that this thread should come up - we've just had the self same discussion after dealing with a string of thoughtless and selfish people who seem to think the only reason we're getting married is to provide them with a personalised party. People need to realise, a wedding is for the couple getting married, it should reflect their tastes and please them. If people don't like it they can run along home and throw their own shindig. At their own expense and using their own precious time.

Im only starting on my wedding organizing journey, but have decided that, I too will be following this mantra. The foot is going down. Ive mentioned getting a band (never wanted one before, seen one on a random night out and totally fell in love with them) Everyones first question is "oh how much are they??" Emm pee off and mind your own, unless your hand is going in your pocket then you have zero opinion! I told my sister how much they where, her reaction?? Go on Google and get me a list of ten bands who are cheaper.....How hard is it for people to understand its MY day!! Can see me turning into a bridezilla lol!

Also people ASSUMING they are entitled to a say, my mum saying "oh well because **** (my sisters son) is going to be a page boy, you'll need to look at kilts" emm, first off he is not my only nephew (OH has 3, but I feel they are mine too so not leaving anyone out) and secondly, it is MY decision! Im therefore having no page boys, and no one is upset. BLah, that is all lol xx

OMG...THIS! ^^

My Auntie lives in Australia- she's just been back for a visit, and- of course- my dad mentioned the wedding in September and now she's expecting to be invited! She's already making arrangements to come back, but she's not even been invited for two very good reasons...1) (Bridezilla reason) the day will become all about her and not us- our family rarely gather together in one place and everyone will be more interested to see her because wow! she's come ALL the way from AUSTRALIA, plus she's not exactly the kind of person who shuns the limelight, she'll just see the wedding as a homecoming party for her...and 2) SHE DOESN'T ACTUALLY LIKE ME. I remember the last time she came over, we were having a catch up- she spent hours talking at me about how great life was in Oz and how brilliantly her career was going, and how clever she is because she's just done her degree; as soon as I started telling her about what I'd been up to in the TEN YEARS since we'd last spoken she just walked off! Right in the middle of the conversation! No "excuse me" or anything. Just...wandered off. RUDE.

But I think I'm going to have to invite her just to placate my dad, and that's only cos he's paying for the honeymoon. His sisters are the most precious thing to him; they can't do a THING wrong...I'm just being 'paranoid' apparently....! (why do men ALWAYS say this when other women are horrible to you?)

I agree with Snowby. I think the day should be about the 2 of your primarily and you shouldn't let other people take over and dictate things. However, I do think you need to consider your guests. For example, with our menu tasting we will pick something that we both like, but that we feel will appeal to most guests. Similarly, we will want our DJ to play music that will appear to most people. No-one is forcing you to invite anyone, so surely it's better to at least consider your guests in some of your plans, rather than paying money for them to attend, only for them to not enjoy themselves, not eat any food because they don't like it, or not dance because all of the music you have picked is quite alternative?

I'm not saying their likes and dislikes should come before your own, but i would have thought it would be sensible to at least consider the majority of your guests (you will never be able to please everyone individually) else why invite them?

Misselle- I do think that's rude of your guests to moan about the check-in time. I thought 3 was a standard check-in time for hotels? If they want to get ready there, then they need to pay for the night before too! They can get ready at home if they're not that far away, then after the ceremony, or at some point if you have a bit of a break (drinks reception, etc) they can check in then.

Amen to this!

Yes it's important to be "considerate" but you have to draw a line somewhere otherwise you will end up with something that is not "your wedding".

NB: My opinions are based upon organising a wedding that has been independently funded, so I do appreciate that when you have received financial help you are a little obligated to please others.

Cinderellabella, Rude isn’t the word for them, the fact that they complained about it was bad enough but they way they did it was worse.

They phoned my dad screaming down the phone about it. They weren’t happy with the solution I gave them for it so I’ve told them they can do as the please now. The hotel is fully booked the night before due to there being a wedding so they aren’t able to get a room then. The only two spare rooms that they had we booked so that myself and Bridesmaids can stay in the hotel the night before.

Most hotels have a 2pm or 3pm check in time so I’m not even sure why they assumed they would be allowed in at 12. Its not a massive hotel and only has 35 rooms but when you think that they have a wedding on the night before which needs to be cleared up and they then have to set up our wedding and turn around the rooms from the night before too all before check in time.

This is the same family that had an argument with me because I told them that I didn’t have room for plus ones therefore if they didn’t have a partner then they weren’t allowed to bring friends which of course is very selfish of me.

Don’t get me wrong I have considered my guests by trying to get some rooms as early check in for them, I’ve also picked our menu choices so that it would suit most people and again with the music to be played but I’m not having people dictate to me when its me and H2B who are paying for the whole wedding.

I see most of these people once a year if I’m lucky, I’ve never had my birthdays acknowledged from them let alone a card and I haven’t even had so much as a Christmas card from them in 8 years so I don’t feel they have any right to complain about any aspects of my wedding.

My pet peeve with weddings is people either expecting to be invited or you being told you HAVE to invite certain people even if you haven’t seen or heard from them in 10 years just because they are a relative.

Hubby and I married Feb 2011 when we were in our 40s, he's now 61 and I'm 57, 1st marriage for us both, after meeting for the 1st time Sep 2007. It's gob-smacking just how rude and obnoxious some guests are! We were both working on the buses as drivers, on tight budgets so I bought my own wedding ring at a charity shop for £5.00 and I paid £5.00 for a wedding cake from Iceland. Entire Reg Office wedding was less than £500.00 and we turned up in our bus uniforms! Guests moaned bitterly about the ring and cake being cheap and our outfits. We could only invite a certain amount of people to the wedding and at our flat afterwards because of lack of space and they moaned about that. People said ''your marriage will NEVER LAST!'' ...we're still very happily married in Aug 2022...this is coming from people who were on their 3rd/4th+ marriages/divorces! They moaned because we don't want kids/too old anyway...we reminded them it's OUR wedding/marriage and we'll have it how WE want! What REALLY drove us nuts was that the women wanted to talk about nothing but babies and makeup, neither of which interests me at all, and men on about footie and cars, both of which my hubby hates! We lost some ''friends'' because of it but we didn't care!