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Beginner August 2021 Hampshire

To cancel/postpone or not? What would you do?

Clara Solis, 29 June, 2021 at 14:31 Posted on Planning 0 10

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I'm having a massive dilemma at the moment, and I'm not sure what to do...
I don't expect anyone here to tell me what to do, but I think I just need to get this off my chest. Sorry if this is a bit long!

So our wedding is on August 22nd, we've been engaged since 2015 (!) and we finally booked our venue in 2019 so we'd have enough time to save up for our wedding this year. My family live abroad, and we were hoping our wedding would be a nice big party where the two different sides can finally meet for the first time.

Throw in a pandemic and all those plans have been washed away!
We have been closely following all the government announcements regarding Covid guidelines and travel restrictions, but so far it looks like my family will not be able to come to my wedding in August. And I doubt the rules will change enough for them to be able to come over (none of them can afford to quarantine in the UK for 10 days, then possibly have to do the same when they return home). I haven't seen them in a year, and was really hoping we could have a big "reunion" at our wedding.

So I'm probably looking at having my wedding without my parents and siblings, which is leaving me very sad and anxious. The only people who would be at the wedding would be my partner's friends (I'm friends with them through him) and his colleagues. His only family are his Mum and brothers and they might not be able to come either because of health issues...

On top of all this, and if things weren't bad enough already, I have just found out that I will probably be made redudant soon. This puts a huge strain on our finances. We've already spent thousands of pounds and still have lots to come out (catering, photographer to be paid tomorrow, a band, florist, accommodation, dress (have my alterations on Saturday),...). We have wedding insurance in place, and I think they cover for redundancy, though I'm not sure how much they would cover exactly. But that means cancellation/rearrangement might be an option.

However I'm not sure I could go through all this again. We have everything in place for our wedding to go ahead, even if it is a shitty version of what we wanted and without the people we want there. Our venue doesn't have any available dates until after 2023 anyway, so we'd be waiting for years again, putting everything on hold. And because of Brexit rules my family and friends would all have to buy passports to be able to travel here after September, putting an extra barrier on everything.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't know what to do. :'(

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Latest activity by Kayleigh, 1 July, 2021 at 15:02

Savvy September 2023 Durham
Rebecca · 29 June, 2021 at 18:39
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So sorry to hear this. You must be so stressed. Could you maybe elope? And save some money that way also and then once covid is over and your family can attend maybe have a celebration party?
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Rockstar August 2021 Wiltshire
Emma · 29 June, 2021 at 19:15
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Ahh we’ve got the same date 🥰🥰
Where are your family coming from?
I’ve got family coming from Spain. Though we’re hoping by august that the quarantine rules will be more relaxed by then 🤞🏼
Will his family not be able to make it all? If you were to postpone, would his family be able to come to the new date?
I’m sorry to hear about your job. Are you able to cancel suppliers without losing money (as in cancelling ones which aren’t a priority to save money). If you were to cancel and postpone, would you be able to afford it in the future?
Whatever you do, your day will still be magical as it’s the day you become a married couple. People maybe missing, and life will still have its stresses but your be united together. ❤️❤️ Sending bigs hugs.
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Rockstar August 2021 Bristol
Marcie · 29 June, 2021 at 20:15
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I think by August the quarantine rules will be less rigid, can you hold off until the next big announcement before making a decision ? You’d be gutted if you cancelled for no reason.
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Dedicated July 2021 West London
Purple Girl · 29 June, 2021 at 20:24
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Exactly this
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Dedicated July 2021 West London
Purple Girl · 29 June, 2021 at 20:25
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Defo wait if u can hun for the next big announcement. Fingers crossed for you X
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Beginner August 2021 Hampshire
Clara Solis · 29 June, 2021 at 21:49
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LuxuriousPurpleDecor74893: eloping never really appealed to us, we wanted the big party to give everyone a lovely day (us included). I think what we might have to do is go ahead with our wedding (without any family) and then next year do a big BBQ in my home country. Not the same as a wedding but it's the only thing we can do. Might have to look into doing a livestream of our ceremony but I'm not sure how to go about this!

Emma: yay for your wedding date being the same! I hope your planning goes ok!
My family live in Belgium, which is currently orange. The thing is though even if it does become green, I think the UK will become red on other countries' travel lists so then they still wouldn't be able to come.
My partner only has his two brothers and Mum, who live 3 hours away from us. She has just been diagnosed with a form of Parkinson's and is not in good health so they're not sure if they can make the long trip (the brothers are her carers so they would stay with her at home).
With the suppliers, the only one we can cut down on a bit is the florist, there isn't much else we can save on unless we cancel the cake or band (which we both want to keep).

Marcie: I've got the announcement dates marked in my calendar (July 15 and August 5) so I'm waiting for those. Just worried it will be too late anyway as our venue will need our numbers soon and my family would still have to be able to sort out travel and accommodation.
The annoying thing is we asked our venue months ago if we could postpone because we didn't think my family would be able to come, and they said no (it'd be considered cancelling and us losing all our money) as they said things would be fine this Summer.

Purple Girl: the next travel announcement is July 15, and I still don't expect them to give the green light to Belgium then. They've barely added any countries to the list, even though these countries are doing a lot better than the UK.
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Rockstar August 2021 Wiltshire
Emma · 29 June, 2021 at 22:15
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Yeah I can see the UK being being on a lot of countries red lists. It’s like Eurovision but with travel, no one likes us 😂
Oh no, that’s horrible for his mum and the whole family. That’s totally understandable about them not travelling. 😢
You definitely can’t cut cake, i always eat all the cake at weddings. I’m getting funny about sharing mine, the duet will of completely be forgotten by then.
I like your idea of having a party/BBQ next year. It would be a lovely celebration and an excuse to wear the dress again. We’ve said we’re going to have a party on our 1st wedding anniversary which will be a chance for everyone who couldn’t make it, our engagement party which had to be cancelled and missed birthday parties. I’m going to wear my dress and play a video of highlights from the wedding.
You could live stream the actual wedding for the families. If the venue has WiFi you could set up a laptop and do a zoom call so people could log in and watch or even FaceTime. If our Spanish families flights get cancelled then we’re setting up an iPad to FaceTime them. The only thing you can’t film is signing of the register but we can call from me walking in to that bit. My cousin said she is happy to hold the iPad or set it up on a chair. I’m meeting our registrar tomorrow so going to double check with them.
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Savvy May 2022
RomanticBlueHair33815 · 30 June, 2021 at 20:17
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I feel for you so bad. We are in the same situation but for next February. Have had a long engagement too so when the pandemic started we thought we'd be fine but it's started creeping on me now. Trying to think of a plan B too.

We really want to stick to our original date so are thinking of streaming options if family cannot make it from overseas. But it upsets me quite a bit. Then probably do like a party thing another time.
We also have the same situation with the whole family having to get passports. Once upon a time they just travelled on the identity cards.
Sorry I have no useful info. Just wanted to share your pain.
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Beginner July 2022 Cheshire
Lily · 1 July, 2021 at 11:55
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One thing I wouldn’t do in this situation is assume that travel restrictions will be altered for the better. There are too many people second guessing this and the truth is, no one knows what will happen with the virus, new strains etc etc.
If it were me I think I’d cancel it for now, reconsider the whole thing, venue, the lot - at a later date maybe once you’ve found a new job abs maybe once the whole pandemic is further under control.
You don’t sound like you’d enjoy it much anyway as things are.Good luck whatever you decide to do x
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Rockstar October 2023 Bristol
Kayleigh · 1 July, 2021 at 15:02
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I think the legal bit here this year, then a second "wedding" (a blessing, maybe?) over there would be lovely. You could do the dress, the cake, everything you would have done here - but over there at a later date xx
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To cancel/postpone or not? What would you do?

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