Too much pressure?

Interesting question. I think any pressure I feel mainly comes from my mother, but some of it is just societal in general, and some of it comes from wedding blogs and stuff online (I haven't read any wedding magazines, but I'm sure they're similar). My H2B has expressed concerm more than once that our wedding has brought out "all the neuroses" in me cos I've become kind of obsessed with looking what I consider acceptable on the wedding day, but I've created some of that worry myself, nobody has said anything to me about makeup or hair really (although my mother has harped on about my dress and weight enough).

I'd concur with this - my mother has very definite opinions about the wedding, and is a nagger by nature, so has made her views felt on more than one occasion. Thankfully a lot of my decisions have gone the "right" way, so she's reasonably happy, but her face when I've suggested certain things (I confess, I sometimes do it on purpose to wind her up) is absolutely priceless. She has at least conceded that things are different from when she and my father got married, and my sister is very good at reminding her of this fact if she appears to be getting on the nagging horse!

I am by nature a fairly "matchy" girl, for example I like my outfits to coordinate down to my undies (matching sets naturally ? - it's slightly distressing me that I can't wear a bra with my wedding dress so I'll have mismatched pants!) so having a colour scheme was always going to happen. But it's a colour scheme NOT a theme, I'm not going to freak out if things aren't perfect. And I do like things laid out in a certain way, and I make lists all the time, like my father.

Having planned events for a living for a while, I've also got a thing about etiquette and correct form on invitations etc, but I think that might make me slightly old-fashioned rather than going with current societal norms. But it also taught me to really distinguish between crucial, nice but not essential, and "oh hell no why would I want that?!" so I sort of pick and choose what I want from the usual wedding paraphernalia. Oh and the other lesson is to be really ruddy firm on seating plans - you'll darn well sit there and like it!

I don't feel like I NEED to have the perfect wedding, we have gone for a wedding that suits us. If people don't like it well sod them really, one day (if they haven't already) they will be able to have their wedding their way.

I think I feel more annoyance then pressure but that's mainly to do with guests.

Its the little things I stress over, only because most are DIY so they had to be perfect to me otherwise I wouldn't be happy and would notice them on the day!

But that does come from within- no one tells me things arnt good enough. I'm just too fussy for my own good!

All this wedding shizzle is a relatively new phenomenon - back in the day it was church, sausage rolls and home in time for bed. I think it is a combination of factors but the main one is that couples getting married now have more disposable income. We get married later in life, typically AFTER setting up home together, both in established jobs, possibly already had kids and we are just generally wealthier as a society than we were 50 years ago. I also think celebrity culture plays a role - we are shown the lives of people with massive, unachievable wealth and we naturally want to emulate that.

I don't feel alot of pressure from family, but I think that's down to the fact that we are planning something that is so different to what the other siblings and our parents had that they are (sensibly!!) keeping quiet lol. Although saying that, I also think that they know that we can both be stubbon so there is little point in trying to force us into the "typical" mould. The worst pressure I find comes from the actual wedding 'industry'..... as soon as you try to speak to suppliers, etc, they come out with every steroptypical wedding analogy in the world. Ever!!!! When I then try to explain, for example, that we aren't having any bridesmaids or groomsmen, they can get quite defensive.... which I then find a strange reaction and have taken to not explaining what we are/are not doing and letting them carry on.

I am a firm believer in each to their own, and I don't judge any one person's choices, if you want what you want, brilliant go for it, but it doesn't suit everyone, and with how diverse the world is now, I think that a little more tolerance and acceptance from others would do everyone some good.... and maybe relax some of the pressure off ourselves to boot... ?

People seem to think it's acceptable to comment on people's choices when it comes to weddings. I didn't have any problems with family members, mainly friends who thought they could stick their nose in and tell me what i should do.

I found that very irritating and unconstructive. My favourites both uttered by people who weren't even invited were 'You MUST have beef' and 'you're not throwing your bouquet? But you MUST'. Err... thanks for giving me your completley irrelevant opinion.

The only pressure I've felt has been financial and a little panic here and there when my sister called me a bridezilla!

Maybe its because second time around, there is generally less pressure. However, it could also be that I don't care what anyone else thinks, but just do things my way ?

I can say I am not feeling the pressure for the most conventionally perfect day. Obviously we are putting a lot of effort into the 'must have' stuff, such as venue, TOG, caterers and outfits, but all the small stuff I am not going to stress over.

I suppose the only pressure I am feeling is financial. I refuse to spend above and beyond what is manageable, but there is pressure to keep costs down and doing a lot of research to make that happen. I don't read wedding magazines (I did buy a couple when I was first engaged), but I realised while flicking through them, that they feature weddings I don't want and the price tag that comes with them! I don't care about the 'in' thing or keeping all of the traditions, we are just doing what we are comfortable with. The chairs in our reception venue don't match, and I like that! I guess I am fan of mis-matched, thrown together aesthetics, but I am crafty so I can see it working quite well. We have left plenty of time between certain parts of the day so we aren't working to a military timeline - that would do my head in. I am used to strict deadlines in work, so I certainly don't want that on my wedding day!

While we want our day to be amazing and a hot topic, we know that eventually it won't be a hot topic anymore and someone else may 'top' our day, but they can only do that aesthetically, and to be honest, I don't care If the Jones's have a more expensive lavish day than us, that won't compete with how we feel on our day

I can't say I am a fan of the generic wedding industry hype, dictating what we 'should' have. Screw that, we are doing it our way!

To be honest I am not really feeling any pressure. Whether that is because no one is remotely interested or asking questions I don't know, but I am feeling pretty relaxed about it all. I think the main pressure will be from ourselves for us to pull off everything as planned, as it is the most expensive thing we will be buying for quite a while and I want it to be perfect in that respect.

We're having a reasonable sized wedding as we both have quite big families and we haven't had much pressure from either side, and I certainly feel no pressure of the celebrity wedding culture.

For me I'm pretty hung up on the fact that in order for me to enjoy the day my guests also need to enjoy it. This may be the only time we have everyone we love from both sides in the same place, so I guess for me the pressure comes from tyring to incorporate everything that we as a couple want, but also that the day flows for the 100 odd guests that will be there. Maybe trying to please too many people??

It's good to read about a number of people above not feeling the pressure. Surely it's just about celebrating your love and anything else doesn't really matter and I do agree that all of the "wedding shizzle" has exploded over the last few years. Personally, apart from the family/financial pressures etc I think that it is an industry lead beast - style magazines and blogs etc do, to a certain extent have a lot to answer for as do us photographers for peddling albums and engagement shoots etc - it all adds to the stress. Apart from this though we live in an image lead and consumer driven society - the amount of choice in the average supermarket is stressful enough never mind the multitude of choices that the media savvy bride is exposed to. I say less is more, pare your life down to the essentials and concentrate on them - work out what is important to you for your wedding and forget the rest.

EXACTLY this

When I got married first time I felt pressure of sorts....resigned to having a day that others wanted because they were paying so pressure to please them.

this time round we have no stress. We are doing our day our way and loving it just as we love everything else we do together and our day will be just fine and dandy.

I do think that endless wedding programmes contribute to creating pressure, though, especially for first time couples. Even 10 years ago, 4 weddings, don't tell the bride, say yes to the dress etc were a long way from existing. Now there are almost whole channels devoted to bigger better best weddings. It must have an impact! Personally, I just watch them saying "nah, not as nice as MY, dress"!!!

I'm completely with you HeavyMetalMaiden. Are you sure we're not related? lol

I didn't really feel pressure but it does get on my nerves the things some people say. I didn't want chair covers as I personally don't feel they are worth the money. Cue horrified looks from suppliers and 'but the chairs are RED!' At no other point in my life would red, velvety chairs in a decent condition be a problem! Just because it's the current fashion, don't make out it is totally essential to your perfect day. Even the venue co-ordinator commented and she wouldn't be getting any money from us having them.

My pressure comes from a lot of different places. The biggest is that I am obsessive when I plan anything, which when you are planning something like a wedding which has so many parts, suppliers etc it really is quite draining. A little is because we decided to do it in 8 months, which has meant it has been constant. We decided this as my grandparents are not too well at the moment, and we knew they had to be there with us. This means I am worrying about them, and that I want to give them a perfect day to remember, as I am likely to be the only grandchild they get to see get married. i want us to have the perfect day to remember, my grandparents have been married for 62 years and my parents for 31, its a long time to remember! I also have a big family who can't wait to have an incredible family party, particularly as my parents wedding is still talked about all these years later as an amazing day with all the family together. And then there is the financial side, it certainly isn't cheap to achieve all this! On top of this there are other worries, like the fact that i'm waiting for my passport to come back, but have already had to pay off the honeymoon! So yes, there are a lot of pressures, but I am so looking forward to marrying the love of my life and sharing it with everyone, so its worth it!

I agree that there is a certain amount of "keeping up with the Joneses" involved. When I first got married, there was none of this booking candy carts, photobooths etc. But now programmes like Four Weddings push the idea that in order for wedding guests to enjoy themselves the day has to be full of gimmicks and constant entertainment. Not that there's anything wrong with having candy carts or photobooths if you want them - I just feel as though these programmes make out that they're "essential".

That is what I think too when I watch wedding programmes!

This is a really interesting topic to me.

We made all our plans in secret, and eloped in very much our own way. I didn't go to wedding fairs, talk to people at length about weddings, look at blogs, magazines etc. because I knew it would all be irrelevant for our elopement.

Throughout all of this planning I felt very little pressure to have the "perfect day". However, it all changed when we told people we had eloped. Everyone asked "was it your perfect day?", "as long as it was perfect for you...", "it sounds like the perfect day" etc etc.

I found it really odd that everyone used the word "perfect" when the very same people don't have such unrealistic expectations in their normal lives, nor would they put that upon others. It wasn't just family, and it wasn't coming from me! I think the idea has permeated through society.

Our wedding day wasn't perfect to me, it was real and loving and wonderful but not perfect. And it made me feel like I'd done it all wrong when suddenly I was expected to have had the perfect day. I did struggle with this in the beginning and thankfully I now feel better about it and able to put it into perspective. But I still wonder why people say this?!

We're planning our post-elopement party for everyone now and I don't feel any pressure for that, maybe because it's not a wedding! I actually feel even less pressure/stress than planning our elopement! Or maybe now I know I can resist the ridiculous societal pressure and it will still all be great!

Pahaha great minds think alike haha!

I think there is a lot of pressure like you say and however much I think we are doing our own thing and not being too affected by it, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care. For me, I think, it is mostly to do with the cost - if we have spent that much money I want it to be worth it! Lol.