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Super July 2022 Surrey

Top Table

Yorkshirelass, 28 January, 2022 at 11:28 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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So I started discussing the top table with my mum and fiancé the other week. Wish I hadn't started!

The traditional set up of parents plus MOH and Best Man won't really work for us because my fiancé only has his mum (dad has passed) and he isn't having a best man. I have my sister as MOH and then her three kids (2x girls aged 8 and 10, 1 boy aged 3) and my two daughters (aged 12 and 14) as in the wedding party. My mum suggested having all the kids (except the 3 yo boy) on the top table along with my sister who would sit next to my fiancé's mum. This is 10 of us so quite a big table but do-able in the venue.

When I suggested this to fiancé he was wittering (lol) about us having to look after the kids too much and that they would be a pain on the top table. The 3 yo definitely would I agree but he is going to sit with his dad on a standard table. The younger girls are surely old enough to be sat still for the meal plus my sister will be sat next to her girls and fiancé's mum. My two will be fine as they are older.

We then talked about not having the kids or my sister and just the parents but future MIL would be sat alone next to my fiancé and I could tell he didn't want to spend all meal entertaining her. She is 87 and I get it, her conversation can be a touch repetitive! He then suggested that we sit his step sister next to mum on the top table to keep her company! I wasn't keen on that as I have never even met the woman and she has made no effort to meet me over the 6 years we have been together (odd I know!). I told him this, in a nice way lol.

So I am now thinking of the couple table and just having us two but I have a feeling my mum won't be happy with that..... I have tried to explain that my wedding is not the same traditional church one my sister had 11 years ago (we are getting married in a museum lol) but not always sure she gets it. I should say I have a fantastic relationship with my mum and my parents are paying for the wedding but she seems quite traditional at times, particularly with wedding stuff.

Thoughts please?!

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Latest activity by Yorkshirelass, 1 February, 2022 at 10:16

VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 28 January, 2022 at 12:05
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We have had a similar issue, my dad passed away and his are seperated and whilst they are amicable they don't speak and it would be awkward as his dad is very introverted. We are having our MOH and Best Man with us, my H2Bs daughter and our flower girl (MOH and Best Man's daughter. My mum was not impressed, but that is mainly because she likes to be the head of the family and loves attention, which is why I don't want her on the top table!

In your situation I would have just you and you daughters on the top table, or a couple table like you suggest. The parents can then be on tables with the siblings, nieces and nephews. It is only a couple of hours and you won't be splitting family up so shouldn't be an issue.
You do what you are comfortable with, it is your day. Tradition s are outdated and not set in stone so you don't have to do it and your family should accept and respect your decision, is really not a big deal who sits where, it is a meal!
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Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 Online · 28 January, 2022 at 15:45
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Do what works for you. But if it's going to upset your mum not to be on your table, it might be worth playing around with numbers to try to make that work.
Do your girls get on well with their cousins? And are there any other kids going? One option might be to have a kids' table (obviously, the 3 year old would need to be with a parent, but the others are old enough to be on their own table) and then have you & parents & siblings/siblings partners all on one table.
Otherwise, perhaps you could have a sweetheart table for you and OH, and get your family members to each 'host' one of the other tables (not that they need to host, but it might make your mother less sore about not being on the same table as you?)
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Super July 2022 Surrey
Yorkshirelass · 30 January, 2022 at 22:21
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Thanks ladies, in the end my fiancé was happy with my idea for the 10 of us on the top table. Phew! Got there in the end lol
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Rockstar October 2023 Bristol
Kayleigh · 30 January, 2022 at 22:26
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We've decided on round tables and no top table to avoid this lol. We're having my Mum, our three kids, FH, myself and his Dad and Dad's ladyfriend on our table.
My Dad and his GF are on a table with my brothers and their kids and GFs and the wedding party are split onto various tables (some have families, others only know one or two people).
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Dedicated April 2022 Kent
Littlemy · 31 January, 2022 at 13:48
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I ditched the idea of a top table as I'm not really into many traditions and it has helped avoid family drama
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Beginner May 2022 Cheshire
Lkux · 1 February, 2022 at 10:00
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We have experienced similar, we are getting married in May and have decided on a top table consisting of me, my fiancé, my daughter and his son. I'd wanted a table with just the two of us.
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Super July 2022 Surrey
Yorkshirelass · 1 February, 2022 at 10:16
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I've sorted it now thankfully but it was just interesting to see what other people have experienced and it was also interesting to see what my mum and fiancé thought about it, as everyone has their own ideas which didn't come to light until we discussed it....my mum is quite traditional which I wasn't really aware of even although we are very close. I have never planned a wedding so I didn't know her thoughts!
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Top Table

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