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Hyacinth
Beginner April 2022 Essex

Top table challenges...

Hyacinth, 4 of January of 2022 at 02:14 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 11
Hi all,


Was wondering if people had any suggestions for our two table. We have several challenges...
1. My OH has two best men. One has a partner and one is single.
2. My OH parents are divorced so he has two sets of parents.
3. I have only one bridesmaid. My 15 year-old niece.
First option is we do the traditional plan and my OH has his biological parents on the top table and his step mum, and step dad sit elsewhere. And we just have two best men on the top table. I wonder if it'll look unbalanced though, as my husband and I won't be directly in the centre. To balance it, I could put my sister on the other end of the top table with my niece. I also worry my niece will be bored/lonely/anxious on the end, sat next to a man she's never met before (my OHs dad).
Or, we have no bridesmaid and no best men and just have the three sets of parents. Doing the traditional plan but with my OH step mum instead of the bridesmaid and my OH step dad instead of the best man.
Or, we have no bridesmaid and no best men and just our biological parents. So just 6 of us up there.
As a side note, my OH really only has a relationship with his actual mum and step dad. Barely sees his real dad and step mum. Though we have to have the real dad on the top table. And can only bump the steps off.
Hope this all makes sense. Just wondered what other people are doing if they're in a similar scenario. Thanks


11 replies

Latest activity by Hyacinth, 22 of January of 2022 at 09:25
  • Hyacinth
    Beginner April 2022 Essex
    Hyacinth ·
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    Another point to add... (I couldn't find a way to edit my post)
    Is my sister is matron of honour, though because she is nearly 50. I'm nearly 40. She doesn't want to look like a bridesmaid. So it wouldn't be odd for her to join the top table, but I wouldn't have her instead of my niece. If that makes sense. As my neice is the "bridesmaid" in appearance.


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  • Jane
    Dedicated June 2022 Bristol
    Jane ·
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    I think you have whoever you want! We don’t really get on with my OH’s dad and so he won’t be on the top table but my step mum will be! I would focus on having the people who you want to sit with you being there and then making sure people are sat with someone they can talk to - eg your niece may be much happier sat with people she knows rather than at the end of a top table because it looks a certain way. Your wedding, your decision!
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    We have similar issues! We have decided to just have us, our MOH, Chief BM and our 2 best men, so 6 in total. So you could have your sister and niece, the 2 best men and you two. for us, this was far less stress than choosing which parents sat with us and is far easier than splitting the steps and biologicals parents as I don't think that would go down well, but if you think they would accept it then maybe just go for you and the biological parents. The other option is a sweetheart table and is just the 2 of you sat where the traditional to table would be. Finally, you could have no plan, a fried did this, they just told people to sit wherever and then when they entered they just sat on the table that had the 2 spaces left! Is really up to you, at the end of the day it is a meal, a couple of hours were people may have to sit with people they don't know but am sure they can be adult about it.

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  • Janine
    Beginner August 2022 Greater Manchester
    Janine ·
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    What about just the 2 of you on the table? I don’t think we need to stick to all these traditions these days as most are outdated. I actually wish I had done just me & FH for our top table
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Do whatever works for you - in general, I think it's best to sit people with those they get on with, rather than those they should be with 'traditionally'. So I'd try to put your young bridesmaid on a table with others her age (or if you have no other kids coming, at least with people she knows and gets on well with)

    It might be easiest for you just to have a sweetheart table with the two of you. Put each set of parents on a different table. I wouldn't split up the current pairings just so that the biological parents sit together - that might be a recipe for disaster!

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  • L
    Beginner October 2022 Essex
    Lauren ·
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    We’re in a very similar situation! My FH has 2 best men and parents also divorced so we have 3 sets of parents between us. I have 5 bridesmaids. He says to just have my parents up on the top table, the 2 best men and pick 2 bridesmaids?!? But I hate the idea of just my parents up there and not his (he’s adamant he doesn’t want any of his parents on the top table to avoid any awkwardness) and also can’t choose between my bridesmaids, but if we had just the MOH and best men it would be an uneven number! So I think I’ve almost managed to convince him that we should have a sweetheart table with just the two of us on, but seat our families/best men etc. as close to us as possible. It’s not for everyone, but I think it will be nice to have the meal together as we’ll have the rest of the evening to party with our guests!
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  • L
    Rockstar July 2023 Greater Manchester
    Lisa ·
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    We were having a similar nightmare too. Opting for a sweetheart table now, to save all the drama! Plus I’m quite looking forward to having just a bit of time to ourselves whilst we eat. We’re most comfortable in each other’s company after all, so it’ll be nice to spend a bit of solo time together, albeit in a room full of people!
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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    We had a similar headache, as our top table was originally going to be uneven too because FH's dad has a partner but mum doesn't. We've kept the BM and MOH on the top table (no partners), but to even out my side we've added my best friend who's role is to officiate the ceremony - do you have anyone who's important to you that you could add that wouldn't result in the equivalent from your partner's side being added? Your sister that you mentioned in one of the comments perhaps?

    Alternatively, do you need to have your people on your side and vice versa? Could you switch it up so you stay in the centre?

    Traditionally there's alternating sides anyway, because the traditional order is:
    BM, MOG, FOB, B, G, MOB, FOG, MOH

    We're erring on:

    BM, MOG, O, FOB, B, G, MOB, MOH, FOG, FOG's P

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  • Roxy
    Curious June 2022 Devon
    Roxy ·
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    Agree with all the people who say do whatever you want. Why would you have someone at the top table that you don't get on with?!

    Unless you desperately want to sit with people I think it's nice to let people sit with their partners, particularly if they don't really know anyone else.

    We're not having a top table, we're on the same tables as all the guests and have my bridesmaid, my other best friend and the two best men and their partners with us. My parents are with their family and my partners family are all on another table together. (or three as there's bloody loads of them!).

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  • S
    Curious September 2023 Wiltshire
    Sophy ·
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    I'm glad we aren't the only ones with a dilemma. If we had a sweetheart table it would look odd in the venue that we have chosen so it's not really an option for us.
    But OH parents are separated dad has re married but mum hasn't and has an on/off boyfriend.
    And then it's just my dad as we list mum in 2020 so getting a balance is impossible. My OH step brother and his now wife just went for imbalance and no one actually noticed.
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  • Hyacinth
    Beginner April 2022 Essex
    Hyacinth ·
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    Thanks everyone.


    All great ideas. Though we really don't want to sit in among our guests. The whole point of a top table is to preside over your guests and the occasion, and also to be seen by your guests.
    We've decided to put my fiance's parents new spouses on guest tables with family, and add my sister on the top table to balance the two best men. So we are 10 people.
    Looking at the top table, from Left - Right, it'll be:
    Bridesmaid - Matron of Honour - Father of Groom - Mother of Bride - Groom - Bride - Father of Bride - Mother of Groom - Best Man 1 - Best Man 2
    It's long but the venue can fit us and I think it solves the problem and keeps things balanced too.
    So many fine details to consider. Lots still to do!
    Thanks for your help all, it was good to hear what other people did on their top table.
    Lx
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