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Jennifer
Beginner July 2022 South West London

Top Table Dilemma

Jennifer, 28 of April of 2022 at 06:14 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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Hi everyone
We’ve just undergone the stress that is organising our table plan and I’m just after a second opinion on our top table!

As a side note, I’m not from the UK so from my side of the family there’s just my parents and brother coming vs about 45 of my partners family .. we’ve already caused a minor upset by only inviting immediate family + partners and two of my close friends to the ceremony (all of my fiancés cousins, aunts, uncles etc were expecting to be invited but we want a super small registry job then the main focus is the party!)
So we can have 10 people at our top table which we’ve decided is us, 4x parents, my brother and my best friend (I don’t have bridesmaids) and my fiancés brother and his best friend (they’re his best men). This means my fiancés brothers wife won’t be at the top table, instead she’ll be sat a table with my fiancés cousins etc
We’re slightly worried his brother is going to kick off about this (he’s difficult anyway) as they live overseas and his wife hasn’t met the family that many times. Other option is my fiancé doesn’t have his best friend/best man at the top table and his SIL takes his place, but then it’s a bit random as his brother and best man are doing a joint speech, and my fiancé wants his best friend there. His best friends wife is happy to sit with a group of mutual friends so that’s no worry.
On my side, my best friend is single and my SIL isn’t coming as she’s staying at home with the baby so my brother can come (they also live overseas) so I’m not having to worry about splitting up couples.
I guess basically what I’m asking is are we being awful by splitting my fiancés brother and his wife up for the dinner part of our wedding?

12 replies

Latest activity by GGard, 23 of July of 2022 at 07:46
  • Yorkshirelass
    Super July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    People should not be upset you are right but unfortunately they do moan!
    I’ve had two people in my family request not to sit with the same certain person! I wasn’t going to accommodate it as my mum (it involves her brothers so my uncles) said it would look bad but I think we have found a way round it now.
    The top table was also a bit of an issue for me as we don’t have a best man so my fiancé is just having his mum as his dad has passed away. I have both my parents and my daughters and I’ve also only got one adult BM and 4 juniors so we’ve got them on the top table too- there will be 10 on mine. My sister and her husband will not be on the same table so similar to what you are saying as we don’t have enough room and sister is maid of honour and her three kids are in the bridal party. Husband will however sit on table nearest to top table with their 3 year old (page boy). I hope he isn’t annoyed about this but he isn’t usually difficult 😬It takes ages though and is quite stressful I agree!
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  • Jennifer
    Beginner July 2022 South West London
    Jennifer ·
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    Thanks 😊


    We thought about that - my brother only knows me, my fiancé and my parents though so it’s a bit mean on him if we do that 😂 the problems of not being from the country you’re getting married in!
    Luckily my brother is a lot more chilled out than my fiancés brother, so he’d be more accommodating wherever we sit him!
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  • Jennifer
    Beginner July 2022 South West London
    Jennifer ·
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    Oh yikes that sounds super complicated! Sounds like your brother in law is pretty relaxed at least. My brother is too but as I rarely see him due to distance so I’m tempted to be semi pushy about keeping him there 😅


    We’ve had to make sure ex’s from university days and school friends who have decade old grudges are kept separate too 😬
    Fingers crossed we’ll both make it with minimal upsets from people!
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  • L
    Dedicated September 2023 Derbyshire
    Lizzie ·
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    I think you've handled it fairly, to be honest. You said "not many times", so she has met them sometimes, yes? Sometimes people have to sit with other people at weddings. I've sat with people I've never met before and had a great time. I'm sure she'll be OK. It isn't like you're splitting them up for no reason - your fiance's brother is one of his best men, so it's understandable that they be would be on the top table. My fiance has lost both his parents, and my dad isn't coming, so I'm having my mother, my bridal party (3 best friends), and my fiance's best man and groomsman-type (who are his son and stepson) with us. The bridal party's husbands / fiance will be seated at a separate table, not too distant from us. That's how I'm tackling it anyway.

    Also, it's only for a meal. It isn't for the entire day. Your SIL2B won't be up at the altar with him for the ceremony either, to be fair! I'm sure they can cope for a meal not being sat together.

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  • Emily
    Dedicated February 2023 Hertfordshire
    Emily ·
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    My sister didn't have a top table, just her and new hubby- table for two!. Everyone else was at other tables with their other half's. I'm also thinking this is a good idea as we are a blended family with divorce and stepfamily to deal with. It just avoids awkwardness and difficulties- my mother is the difficult one 🙄. Also a chance for you and hubby to chat. Then at speeches time Dad just stood up at his table, best man at his. Worked out really well tbh.
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  • Km86
    Dedicated December 2022 North Yorkshire
    Km86 ·
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    I hate top tables for this very reason!
    Surprised to hear a few people having 10 on, never heard of that many before.

    We are having myself and my partner, my mum and her mum. She has lost her dad and mine isnt coming, my sons and our bridesmaids will sit at another table.
    At my first wedding it was me and my ex, my parents and his mum and best man.
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  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    I’m planning on having 10 people on my top table too, traditionally the OHs of the best man etc aren’t on the top table - they’re just not long enough! I think it’s fine as long as you seat them with people they have met/you know will be nice to someone who’s solo. I’d also make sure their table is close to the top table and they can make easy eye contact or even potentially turn and chat to their OH.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I've turned up to multiple weddings on my own in my single days, so I really don't get why a grown up human being can't cope with sitting at a separate table from their OH and making polite conversation to strangers for a couple of hours - single people have to do this all the time!

    The only times I'd worry about splitting up a couple would be where one half has physical or mental health issues which would mean they need their partner nearby for support, or if they are not fluent English speakers (assuming the wedding is in Britain and most of the other guests will be speaking English) in which case they need to be with at least one other person who speaks their first language fluently.

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  • Sinéad
    Dedicated October 2022 Cork
    Sinéad ·
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    We aren't having a top table. It's my future husband and myself and our children. Maybe our parents. We have bridesmaids & groomsmen that are all family so they can sit with other family members.
    It's up to you where you seat people and after the meal people move and mingle anyway. We will probably have our table in the middle so people can come and chat during the meal if they want to
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  • GGard
    Greater Manchester
    GGard ·
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    I think it’s really rude and inconsiderate to split up a couple and I don’t know why anyone thinks this would be acceptable. Do you want your guests to feel comfortable & enjoy themselves or not? A wedding dinner lasts hours and chances are if one is in the wedding party they’ve already spent the best day apart from one another. I would never even contemplate doing this to people I love!
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  • Jennifer
    Beginner July 2022 South West London
    Jennifer ·
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    Loved ready this on the morning of my wedding 😂😂😂


    Ah well we sorted it all anyway.
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  • GGard
    Greater Manchester
    GGard ·
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    Sorry! It’s just one of those things I find really strange and I know so many people who’ve been upset when this has happened (even the east going ones) . Have a lovely day and glad it’s sorted
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