top table or no top table???

No you have what you want, its your wedding day and not every one has a top table, been to so many weddings where the couple have chosen a round table and it works just as well as a top table.

A little I think. I know my parents are really proud to be there on my wedding day, as are OH's and I think this is a big part of the day for them. What will you do for speeches etc?

You could have a round table instead of a straight one if you prefer though.

No, I dont think you're being unreasonable at all. Its YOUR wedding day not theirs. This is something i've been thinking about & the trouble with a top table is you can speak to the person either side of you easily but not everyone else. If the 'top' table is circular you can have conversations with everyone easier.

I'm not sure about having one. I was all for one, but OH isn't having any of his family there, and it will end up looking really one sided if I have my parents and MOH on my side and he just has his best man on his

Another good point for having a circular 'top' table! It won't be lopsided with more guests on one side.

Wherever you and your groom sit is the top table, whatever the shape of it.

You are not unreasonable to not want the formality of a long 'visible' top table.

You are being unreasonable to snub your family and hang out with your friends all day. That is just rude. Your Mum and sister want to spend time with you on your special day. Presumably your OH's family will have an expectation of this too, if they are attending. Hang out with your friends on the hen night and on saturday nights for ever after.

edited to add: are you actually the Bride or are you the Mum/sister posing as the bride?

We don't know what to do either. We have 5 bridesmaids, 2 best men and 2 groomsmen! Also have a 3 year old and nearly 2 year old! Lol.

My parents would love a nice top table but we don't want MIL on it (long story for another post!).

Who would we even put on it? Lol

We're not having a top table as such. As our breakfast is at Pizza Express with only 25-30 of us, we will just have the tables in a sort of large U shape. We will sit with our parents, but everyone will be sat together pretty much.

Thanks for the info!!!! I would like my sister next to me all day but I just find my mother annoying!!! Plus if i have parents then there wont be much room fir other people on my table. I might try and get away with it by having a sibling round top table. I hate formal stuff.

PS I am the bride to the paranoid people ha ha

No You should definately do what you want as its your day !

My OH parents are split & are refusing to sit on the same table with each other so i spoke to my Parents & there fine with whatever we want to do so we've decidedto just have a Small Bride & Groom Table for just us & then we can wonder off mingling with other tables in between food aswell!

xx

Do what you want hun, loads of wedding traditions have gone out of the window in recent years, I don't see why the top table shouldn't be one of them lol!

i am playing with the idea of a round table for me and my h2b, bridesmaids and groomsmen to sit at. Due to the joy of divorce we have four sets of parents, so each set will be 'hosting' their own table, either that or I could stick them all together on the same one... mwahahaha... actually, no, FMIL would feel like a 7th wheel as she is single... yeah better not lol!

We did exactly that, it was lovely. We had our parents on an adjacent table so they were close by. I think they quite liked it that way too as they didn't have to sit in a straight line and could natter to everyone, not just the person next to them.

I don't think it's unreasonable of you, it is your wedding day after all

I think you should do what you want. I suggested a round top table to my dad (with 'traditional' people sat at it) and he was dead against the idea. Goodness knows what would happen if I told him he wasn't sitting at it! He's been waiting for this day for over 33 years.

Families.... relatives....blah blah blah. All of the above is true and been said very well, so I move on to another completely different slant on this.

As a generic guest, I want to look up over my gob-fulls of dry overcooked chicken and SEE the bride and groom during their wedding breakfast.

I don't want to feel like I'm out to dinner with my mates; I honestly do like glancing over at the happy couple, seeing them natter to each other whilst they try to avoid dripping red wine over her gown and down his tie. Maybe I'm just an old romantic?

I imagine at a round table they'd be slightly out of view, maybe hidden by their family members on the other side of the round bit?

I'd even go so far as to say don't just have a straight top table, have it raised up a bit. Sit on thrones even!!! I want to be able to SEE YOU!!!!!

AND, as an afterthought, I've also heard many a people say that the Bride and Groom don't really have much time to themselves on their wedding day - it's straight from the ceremony to mixing with guests, welcoming everyone, busy busy busy. I will be sitting at the top table, next to my groom, and will value that down-time to natter to JUST HIM for a bit and see how we're both feeling. Sod the parents on either side - they can talk amongst themselves, and top up my wine.... ?

This made me chuckle!

On another note, we too do not like the formality of having a top table so intend on having one long table so everyone can eat together.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm feeling a bit tied now as I can see the argument from the other side about my family wanting to be part of my day!!! Will have to think about it??? I've already changed a lot for my family cos I wanted it abroad but they refused to fly!!! Thanks for the help!

I think you should have what you want. We're having the one big table (mainly due to small numbers) but we originally had a U shaped table as we didn't want to have the top table and feel like we were prioritising people.

People do things how they want it now and some even have sweetheart tables with just the couple alone. Another thing some do is take a turn at sitting at each table with the guests in between courses etc to get a chance to speak to everyone.

Don't need to stick with tradition and I wouldn't have one just to please family, especially if you've already changed your original plans for them Good luck with whatever you decide!

I think a round top table excludes your guests where should be including them. I don't really like sweetheart tables for the same reason but I can see where families have been fractured that a traditional top table can be awkward so you need something different. Much like a prev poster said. I don't mind breaking tradition, but I am firmly of the belief that while it is your day your guests are your guests and deserve to be treated with consideration. Sitting with friends when you have family present isn't right in my view.

We're having a big rectangular table made up of normal dining tables and everyone will look into the centre if that makes sense. There'll be 29 of us. Our top table bit is OH & me plus best man OHs son, my son who's giving me away, OHs other son who's our usher, my daughter as MoH and the other BM so seven. Not decided the full seating order yet, but I don't agree with splitting couples or people up for the sake of it. So our table won't be traditional at all, and we'll seat our dads next to the top table bit so they are close, both our mums have died, and then work round so we are all really on the same table. This also helps disguise difference in family sizes.

My mum and dad will be split from their partners, as will the bm and MOH. We have two children so the top table is already 10 people long - I can't fit on any more!

So glad we made the decision not to do a table plan! We have 8 parents between us so a top table was never an option! I would far rather people just sat where they liked with whoever they feel most comfortable with. I also feel like as a guest sometimes it is harder to mingle if you're tied to a set table. We are having a buffet though - I get that this could be chaos for a more formal set up!

OP - hope you can find a way of keeping everyone happy but ultimately it's your day not theirs!

We've recently been debating a round table vs traditional top table. i love the idea of a round table as it means we can speak to everyone. But as someone else said, we're then probably not in view for a lot of people and i've heard people say before they like seeing the bride and groom during the dinner. I've seen quite a few pictures at our venue wheree people have had a U shaped table which could be a good compromise as i could then still see and speak to the wedding party members that are sat on the ends but still be on the formal table where people will see us etc. I agree with everyone else, at the end of the day do what makes you happy and what you want!

We are having a round table (set into the area where a long table would go), with myself and OH facing the rest of the room. On the table will be us, ushers and bridesmaids. As a couple of people have mentioned, telling parents you need them to 'host' other tables can be good.. it flatters them and makes them feel important with a slightly different position. If anyone in particular feels left out, e.g. your mum, you could ask her to do a reading at your wedding? Just a thought.

Me and HTB are having a "sweetheart table" just the two of us as there are so many people that deserve to be on the top table that we'd have nobody on standard tables! At the end of the day, it's yours and your HTB's special day. I think you should have your round table if you want it to be a little less formal

xxx

Not sure I get all this 'hosting' a table. It's nothing of the sort really. You are just sitting at another table with the guests. Not that there is anything 'wrong' with this but it is wrong to try to fluff it up and make it sound more important than it is. I certainly don't think it's flattering.

I do see the problems with top tables and family and step families but I agree that guests like to be able to see the B & G during the meal. I also think that the meal should be with the family; there's hours ahead to be with friends.

Having said that I do think it's up to the B. & G as long as they realise they may upset their parents.