Top table problems

Now that is one conundrum I'm glad I don't have to deal with. Feel for you. But is there an option of not having parents on the top table? Really depends who you're having as bridesmaids etc etc, but our dads will be sat with other family members and our top table is just us, my son who is giving me away, my daughter who is my MoH and my h2b's two sons, one his best man, the other our usher and his granddaughter who is a BM. If it's the more traditional set up then this might not be an option for you.

Its your wedding, do what you want to do. I think your Dad should understand your reasoning behind it & if he doesnt, he's not being very reasonable. How would you feel if your Dad didnt want to sit on the top table but wanted to sit with his fiance?

I don't think your dad is being unreasonable - he's feeling a little vulnerable I expect at the thought of being the only parent on your side - not to mention the obvious gap left by your mum. Would it be possible to sit his fiancee there but still have an empty space for your mum? You could place a photo of her on the table or have some other way of remembering her while welcoming the fiancee to the family. If you really don't want her on the top table, then my suggestion would be to ask your dad how he would feel about sitting at another table with her, perhaps close to the top table so it's obvious they are family x

Has your dad given this any thought from his fiancee point of view regarding her shy twins ? I'm sure she would rather be with them unless of course your dad is suggesting they all sit at the top table ?? ( surely not !) This is the angle I would suggest you take when you approach your dad. Let him know it's not that you have any issue with his fiancee but you feel its better all round if she sits with the twins and possible let him decide if he sits on the top table or hosts a family table of his own ??

Family politics eh !

Good Luck x

Within reason I would generally go for keeping the peace. What does is it really matter if she sits with him on the top table? It doesn't mean she is taking your mum's place or that you don't remember that your mum should be there, it is just about making your dad happy and having a harmonious day. I think the thing about the teenage sons is a red herring - it is up to your dad/his fiancée to think about that, all you need worry about is where she is sitting.

Thank you all for your replies. We are not getting married until April 2015 so we have time to think. I’m not going to bring this up with my Dad until nearer the time (as we may change our minds) but I need to have at least thought about it as my Dad my bring it up. At the moment I think I will tell my Dad that I’m not sure what to do as I don’t feel right having someone sitting in Mums seat I would prefer to not have that sit there at all (as I feel an empty sit would be a bit morbid). By saying to my Dad “I’m not sure what to do” I think we can discuss this without (hopefully) my Dad getting annoyed. I can suggest that he sits with his fiancée but I’m not sure that he will like this, also I want my Dad on the top table with me as it’s bad enough that my Mum isn’t there without my Dad not being on the top table as well. If my Dad sits on the top table, traditionally he wouldn’t be sitting next to his fiancée he would be next to me and my H2B’s Mum so I was going to sit his fiancée on the table closest to him so they can talk during the meal. I just want to make sure that the final decision is the correct one to keeps most if not everyone happy and to think about this from all angles.

I think that it will be very hard for your Dad to have your wedding day without your Mum, and having some support on the top table from his wife is not unreasonable.

The most traditional layout for top table has GFather next to BMum and BFather next to GMum. Why not break with tradition and have them seated together, and your ILs together on the top table so that your stepMum isn't in what would officially be your Mum's seat but is there to support your Dad rather than in the traditional MOB role? I don't think that your Dad would want or expect you to treat his new wife as if she were your Mum, but more as someone to support him.

Aww i'm sorry to hear abiut your mum kerry29. WP must be a tough time for you.

Have you thought about having a sweetheart table with just you and Mrkerry? We went to a wedding at Xmas where they had one and we thought it looked great. Our friends also said it was the only opportunity they had to grab a bit of time together that day! People did pop up to their table to chat with them inbetween courses.

I'm in exactly the same position as you, I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago now, and my dad met his now wife only a year after that and got engaged 3 months after that!

He hasn't mentioned top table to me but she has, she told me if I didn't want her on there she would totally understand as that's where my mum should be, but I told her that I think dad might need her there, as mentioned above, you're dad is going to have to deal with your wedding day, a big event, without your mum there and will need some support so you aren't worrying about him. I would let her sit with him on the top table, I doubt very much that she thinks she's replacing your mum and she most definitely isn't doing that by sitting in a seat next to your father.

You're right about not having an empty seat, that would be morbid and your wedding day is about joy, yes you will be missing your mum, that's only natural, but maybe the way around this is to talk to them both about how you feel, so they know it's not you just being awkward, explain that you don't know what to do because you don't want to upset anyone but you alo don't want to appear like you're forgetting your mum - hopefully that'll let them in on how you feel and they can help you make a decision.

As for her shy sons, don't worry about them, again as mentioned abov, if she's that worried about them she'll chose to sit with them and thus solving your problem!

I hope you can solve this issue, as you say you have time, try not to worry about it too much I'm sure it'll work out in the end.

Good luck and big hugs!

How about just having your best man & bridesmaid sitting either side of you & parents elsewhere?

How well do you get on with your dad's fiancée? Perhaps you could talk to her and you could both talk to your dad together?