Totally O/T - a Friday afternoon email I received - none of it is my own work, I'm sad to say. ENJOY!!!

Well, it is summer now, which means that we all get to witness more gems like this one.








Why do I have a feeling Jim Henson is behind her......working her arms?









Ummm, I think you might need something more than the pine tree air-freshener.
It’s a start......not where I would have started.......but it’s a start.










C'mon now, on a scale of 1 to 10, where do you think his level of 'giving a f***' is?
I am seriously jealous of this dude.









The only thing this guy is missing is a bedazzled Jean jacket to match his purdy
pink sparkly bedazzled belt.








Hey Hulk Hogan, guys with a full head of hair look stupid with a ponytail.
Wanna take a guess how good it looks without half your hair?








Hookers love cupcakes. I have nothing else to add to that. Can’t argue with the facts.









I don’t really know why Magic School Bus Lady is always at Walmart, because
I don’t think they have any of the clothes she wears, nor do I know where you
can find any of the things she wears.








Why do I feel like at any minute now, a big arm-bar is going to swing out with a
STOP sign on it?








Sasselfratz, hibidibut, yzidili, guvukafet…. Oh, don’t mind me.
I’m just trying to think of new words to describe this lady

because I can’t seem to find any that already exist.








Listen hunny, the “ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL” tag is lying to you,
so I suggest we try things on before we buy.







Your first move should be checking that backpack for a pair of underwear.
If there are none in there, well, you ARE at a store that sells underwear.
Problem solved. I would move on to pants.......but......
I don’t want to get too far ahead.........and lose you.










OOOOWWW, she’s a BRICK (DA-na-na-na) HOUSE.

She’s MIGHTY- MIGHTY, just LETTIN’ it ALL hang-out.








Just 'cuz you have the 'all-natural' sleeves thing goin' on, doesn’t mean the rest of
us are cool with you wearing your tank top.










I wonder if she can 'tie ‘em in a knot or tie ‘em in a bow'......because unfortunately,
I already know they 'wobble to an fro’.









I cannot confirm if this is indeed THE Little Miss Muffet. Mainly because I have no idea
what a tuffet looks like.









How does one manage to make it look like they've tucked their ass into their pants like a shirt?









Oh, the humanity. How did we get to this point as a species???








At what point does a person just say “F*ck it, I don’t need to put on shoes or pants”?
Most people in the world would put pants on to walk into another room of the house,
or if not that, then they would put some on if they're going to the street to get their mail.
And you made it to Walmart.











I know what a muffin-top is, but I’ve never seen a muffin-back.
I think there needs to be a better word for it, so, I'm open to suggestions.









OH COME ON! Are you actually going to stand there and tell me you don't even feel a breeze?







'


Hey! They don’t make 'tube-bottoms' for a reason.









"I’m sorry sir, but those Christmas hams put you over the 12 item limit for this line.








ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS:
"Warm weather is now here as we start the summer, and so is

the unfortunate “Swamp Ass” epidemic. Be aware-- and try to stay dry.









The irony here is overwhelming. I’m just going to sit back and let you soak it in.








OH DAMN, Santa is WORKIN’ it.









HEY! HEY! ---HOLD STILL!!!
There’s a f***in’ jellyfish on your head!
HOLD STILL SO I CAN GET IT OFF!!!










Damn. Now THOSE are some titties.











Before he died, did Elvis get a poodle pregnant?
I don’t know, I’m not here to judge....….Okay, I am........but still......










How the hell did the White Witch of Narnia come through the wardrobe?










Yes!!!!! Blue is definitely your color!








I was not aware that barbers were still using the salad bowl as a styling instrument.









WOW! That’s so cool!
Jan Sport came out with a new flesh colored fanny-pack….
wait….
hold on….
can it be….
is it…..
OH MY DEAR GOD!











I would like to officially nominate those pants for worst color option EVER!
Are you serious with that? “Hey, let’s get skin-tight pants,
make them in sizes where the words ’skin-tight’ should be off-limits,
and then produce them in a flesh color.” What a great idea!







Ya really think ya gonna be needing those condoms there, big fella?