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Beginner June 2025 Central & Glasgow

Traditional invites! help

Samantha, 5 April, 2023 at 08:53 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 1 10
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Bride 2025, and I know it's a while away but it's came up now and it's caused me so much stress these last two days!


My parents have mentioned they want us to do traditional wedding invites. They're paying for our venue/ceremony and putting a huge amount of money into our wedding. I like the idea of it being traditional, but I suggested to possibly have my FH parents name on the invites too. My sister spoke to me in regards to this and my mum is incredibly upset over this and doesn't feel as if we're being grateful because at the moment it's only them that's put money in. My FMIL has told us at the start that she wouldn't be able to contribute at all to the wedding, but she has already moaned and groaned a few times about feeling left out?? I worry about her reaction to this all, I'm such a people pleaser and hate feeling I'm leaving people out !! My parents don't want my FPILs names on the invites as it might show appreciation to them when there hasn't been any support from the other side of the family.
I also have to state that my FH feels a little strongly about this, even when he says now that he doesn't as long as I'm not stressing out and trying to make it easier on me, he would like his dad's name on it as he recently just passed away.
I don't think my parents, particularly my mum will budge on this but I seriously just don't know what do to!
Any advice would be appreciated Smiley sad !! X


10 replies

Latest activity by Ankit, 10 April, 2023 at 07:21
  • Abbie
    Curious August 2023 Warwickshire
    Abbie ·
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    Oooo that's such a tough one! There are reasonable arguments on all sides...frustrating!

    I would ask to start with how "traditional" is your wedding? Might seem strange to guests to have a very formal invite, then a very informal wedding. They say that the invite is the first glimpse of your ceremony.

    Next is are FPIL contributing in non-monetary ways? Spending time helping with DIY? Running errands? Helping with the admin? "Traditionally" it'd all be left to the brides family to bear the whole burden of the wedding planning and payments. But the FIL's are getting more involved in modern times, but it may not be monetary, for a variety of reasons (inability to support financially, tradition etc.). Might be worth working out whether FPIL will be contributing non-financially, and whether that might sway your parents to acknowledge their contribution?

    In regards to wording, I saw on another forum about something like:

    Mr. and Mrs. (your parents names)

    joyfully invite you to the marriage of their daughter

    Your forename (and middle names if you'd like)

    to

    (Your fiance's name)

    Mr. and Mrs. (your fiancé's parents names)

    Which might be a middle ground for everyone, as it highlights your parents as the 'hosts' but still acknowledges his parents on the main invite (afterall, at a minimum, he wouldn't exist without them, ergo the wedding wouldn't exist between these two people...)

    We put 'Together with our families' as we are paying most of it, but both parents have contributed both financially and with admin / errands etc, pretty much equally. If you don't have the print space on the invite (we had to put church and reception venue info on the front so we wouldn't have had space to call them out by name as per example above), this could remedy that. It is a "new-traditional" option IMHO that is politically sensitive to many family situations. However, it does imply contribution from 'family', whoever that is to you, so it's a tough one.

    I'm sorry you've got this to handle. Hopefully feelings will mellow in the time you have before needing to finalise your invites. Best of luck xx

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  • S
    Beginner June 2025 Central & Glasgow
    Samantha ·
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    View quoted message
    Thank you so much for replying.


    Our wedding isn't fully traditional, it's a humorist wedding, so the ceremony and reception are all in the one place.
    I think the whole reason they also want it is because I'm the youngest daughter, so it's their last sort of thing to throw as POTB. At the moment no, the FMIL isn't doing anything. There are times we've done things in regards to the wedding and it hasn't been received well as we didn't inform her, making her feel left out.. but we didn't think we had to tell her in regards to us planning our wedding and doing things for it together.
    I had mentioned about the "son of ...." and my parents both said its too wordy on the invites and not enough space, so I don't think there's much of a wiggle room! I do understand that they want this, and they do have a right as they are financially supporting a huge part of our wedding. It's just difficult trying to please all!
    I hope to put this at the back of my mind and readdress it when finalising our invites and just enjoying the other parts of wedding planning - hoping and praying no other heads will be bumped!
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  • Abbie
    Curious August 2023 Warwickshire
    Abbie ·
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    Awh that is so tough!

    It might be worth having a chat with FMIL about how much she'd like to be included. You, your partner (and I imagine your parents) will have specific ideas on bits you'd like to keep to certain people (your dress, the flowers, maybe the wedding colour scheme), but maybe asking for advice or ideas before you get to doing some stuff might help her to feel included. We've said to FMIL "We're hoping to do X this month (book our caterer, DJ, go for tasting sorta thing), do you have any ideas / advice?". Equally though, she has asked actively what we're up to and the same sentence applies; don't put all the pressure on yourself to 'inform' her, say to her if you want to know, just ask!

    I don't know about your FMILs situation, I think MotG can be a tough role to have; in many cases not wanting to overstep but wanting to be included. I think it can be harder for parents of only boys or an only male child as they won't have the option of having the MotB experience and duties. Definitely have a chat; both of you and FPIL. Let your partner lead and say "we appreciate you've felt a little left out so far, how would you like to be included moving forward? We'd love for you to ask how things are going, what's on our next to sort list and asking how you can help too". He needs to manage the relationship with his parents.

    I'd definitely leave the topic for a while, you've got plenty of time. We've seen parents on both sides tone down some of their 'firmer' views as we've gone through the process. It's so hard to manage all the things. Like it is your wedding (regardless whose paying for it, that should be kept in mind), but your relationships shouldn't be impacted by a wedding. It does feel like walking on a tightrope over a shark tank sometimes. Wishing you all the best for planning!

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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Can you tell them that you want the wedding to be a celebration of two families joining together, so that is why you want both families' names on the invite? To be honest, considering your OHs father has recently died, it is quite insensitive of your parents not to want his name on the invitation because he's not contributing financially!

    I would suggest either 'the families of...' or 'Mr and Mrs BridesParents invite you to the marriage of their daughter Bride with Groom, son of Mrs and the late Mr GroomsParents', like you do in wedding announcements. The excuse of it being too wordy is ridiculous.

    To be honest, if your mother is creating this much drama over something so small, I don't think it bodes well for the rest of the wedding - is there any way you can gratefully decline your parents' financial assistance so that they don't feel like they get to control what you can and can't do? Even if you have to scale back a bit, it might be worth it to avoid the hassle!

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  • Emily
    Dedicated February 2023 Hertfordshire
    Emily ·
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    Personally I would hate for any cash donation to come with conditions as to how the wedding should be. As the wedding is so far away, it is something which could be paused for a while. You said your parents are spending a lot of money on the wedding, maybe they could contribute less and have less influence over your choices and give you more money towards a house, for example.
    I think it may be worth having a proper sit down with your parents about what they want/ think in regards to the wedding- while not commiting to anything. Also, you and your partner need to be totally united on what the two of you want.
    Tradition is a funny thing, it sounds like it's being used as a way for your parents to have more influence than you want, but it doesn't mean it should be kept or followed. And the wedding is not a competition between 2 families! It is a joining together of 2 families. Money needs to stay out of it! It could become especially hurtful as MIL cannot financially contribute. A minefield! Good Luck x
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  • K
    Savvy August 2023 Co Londonderry
    Katherine ·
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    We havent accepted any financial input from either side for this reason. You might want to rethink that if you are to retain control of everything. Its YOURS and FH wedding after all not theirs. This might also lead to your parents dictating guest numbers and who gets invited, if they are already whining about the invites themselves.

    on wording for invites, there are templates on here and online otherwise, worth a nosey to see. I decided on 'the pleasure of your company is requested to celebrate the marriage of B and G'... (my name and his name)

    good luck and happy planning

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  • A
    Savvy June 2023 Essex
    Alison ·
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    To be honest it is a really difficult one but I do completely understand how your parents feel. Obviously they can afford to make the contribution they are making but sending the invites out from them does not indicate in any way that your future in laws have not contributed, it is quite simply tge traditional way of doing things. If your future in laws had made any contribution at all, paying for the cake, for example, then it would be polite to add their names to the invites, but as they have not been able to contribute anything and your parents have paid tge majority of the bill, then it seems reasonable that tge invites come from them.

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  • S
    Beginner June 2025 Central & Glasgow
    Samantha ·
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    Thank you to all who applied! Just a difficult situation. I'm such a people pleaser and don't want to make anyone feel left out in the slightest!


    My inlaws have already made it clear they cannot contribute which is totally understandable and we wouldn't wish anymore than them just being there.
    I understand it from my parents point of view and me and my FH have both agreed there's other ways to have a remembrance for his late dad, so we're gonna do something more special than just have his name on the invites! Something that's more meaningful. We've decided just to go with my parents and do the traditional as everything else we've decided has been our decision and if they're paying out all this money off their own back and out of generosity then were happy to let the invites slide as they are hosting! Horrible situation to be in but I'm more focused on marrying my soul mate at the end of the day!!
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  • Tanya
    Curious April 2023 Hampshire
    Tanya ·
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    It's a difficult situation to be in and one you don't want the stress off, when I was doing my invites, as lovely and as meaningful they are to you and your parents most guest will likely throw them away after the event so I kept them simple and didn't spend a lot of money on them. There are lots of other ways to thank fil and remember his dad during the day
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  • Ankit
    Dubai
    Ankit ·
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    I always like Destination wedding

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